Creepshow Season 1

Directors(s) - John Harrison (Tales from the Darkside, Tales from the Crypt), Roxanne Benjamin (Southbound, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina), David Buckner (V/H/S, Southbound), Greg Nicotero (The Walking Dead, The Walking Dead: Webisodes), Tom Savini (Night of the Living Dead, Tales from the Darkside), and Rob Schrab (Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Return, Laser Fart)

Starring - Carey Jones (Teen Wolf, Predators), Logan Allen (Bernie the Dolphin, Birthday Boy), and Adrienne Barbeau (The Fog, Escape from New York)

Release Date - 2019

Genre - Horror/Sci-Fi

Tagline - "12 terrifying tales of terror"

Format - Bluray (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     I grew up on movies.  I didn't give a fuck about genres when I was a kid.  Comedy, action, animated, sci-fi, horror, drama, and so on was never something I looked at.  I always looked at the box art in the video store when I made my choice.  It wasn't until the fourth grade that horror started to consume and it would be several years before I started noticing things like director, distribution and production company, actors and actress, and so on.  High school was when I fully dived into the genre and that's when I realized that directors really made a difference.  Night of the Living Dead, along with the rest of the Dead series, were always my favorite so it only made sense that Romero would be my go to director.  When I started collecting movies in high school one of the first purchases I made was Creepshow on DVD that came in a snapcase.  I still have that release and I fucking love it.  I soon bought the sequel from Anchor Bay not long after and loved it as well.  Sadly, I watched the third Creepshow several years later and I wish I had that time back.  Anyway, when Shudder announced their Creepshow series I was excited for it.  If it sucks I still had my films to fall back on.  If it was fun I have this one to add to my collection.  When RLJE announced a blu release of the first season I reached out to them and they were kind enough to send a copy my way.  Thanks guys!

     The series, much like the show, follows several short segments each episode with each one bookended by the Creep as they read from each comic.  

     I wasn't expecting the show to be better than the first two films but no matter what I saw I knew it would be leagues better than Creepshow III.  Honestly, I found myself really loving this season and I sincerely hope we get a second season this year.  The acting in this one is pretty fucking solid even from cast members that I typically don't care for.  It's awesome to see screen legend Adrienne Barbeau return to Creepshow.  Her performance in the first film is one of my favorites of hers.  In fact, I often quote her "Just call me Billie.  Everyone Does!" randomly to family and friends.  Her character is not as memorable in this one but she delivers a great performance.  The same can be said for others like David Arquette, Jeffrey Combs, and so on.  I was, however, shocked by Tobin Bell's performance.  I'm not really a fan of Bell's.  His performances are usually underwhelming for the most part.  His Jigsaw character is the low point in the Saw films if you ask me but I actually enjoy him here.  His finest acting to date.  The stories for each episode are inconsistent but are entertaining for the most part.  Almost every episode is split between an outstanding segment and a weaker segment.  Though, the weaker segments are far from perfect but they still have some redeeming qualities.  We do get some of that Creepshow tone scattered throughout but most of the episodes feel like leftovers from Are You Afraid of the Dark and Tales from the Crypt.  I'm not knocking season 1 but clearly stating my observations.   The episodes centered around children would have easily passed as new episodes of AYAotD.  Regardless, they are entertaining and work.  Finally, the film has some gore soaked segments while others are solely focused on the characters.  Regardless, the practical effects and prosthetics are fucking top notch which is nothing short of expected coming from a series with greats like Tom Savini and Greg Nicotero directing.  We get a gorgeous creature in the story about Champ, unforgettable zombies, and more.  These creatures look great and work well with the gore we get.  We also get some painfully obvious visual effects that does take away from the gags but not enough to complain about.  Overall, Creepshow Season 1 is a must for horror fans.  The stories will pull you in, some more than others, and the aesthetic of the show matches the movie at times.  If you are a fan of the first two Creepshow films then this show is for you.  Check it out when you can!

Guns

Director - Andy Sidaris (Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Savage Beach)

Starring - Erik Estrada (Loaded Weapon 1, CHiPS), Dona Speir (Silk Stalkings, Picasso Trigger), and Roberta Vasquez (Do or Die, Hard Hunted)

Release Date - 1990

Genre - Action

Tagline - "James never had this kind of help!"

Format - Bluray (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     My plans for last week was to make my way through a handful of Andy Sidaris action flicks but some indie horror films sidetracked me.  Now, however, I can get back to my regularly scheduled sleaze.  So far I've been lucky enough to watch Malibu Express, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Picasso Trigger, and Savage Beach.  The next sleazy adventure is the 1990 action flick Guns with roles from the legendary Danny Trejo and Erik Estrada.  I want to once again thank Mill Creek for sending this one my way on blu.

     We once again follow DEA agent Donna (Speir) and her partner Nicole (Vasquez).  Nicole has a hit put on her by Juan Degas (Estrada) who is better known as the crime boss Jack of Diamonds.  He wants to kill Nicole to get to Donna but the hitmen kill the wrong person.  They flea while Donna and Nicole give chance.  Eventually, with the help of their friends and other agents, they discover who and why they put the hit on Nicole and they must stop him before more innocents die.

     I don't expect a lot from these films but I do expect boobs and explosions.  Andy Sidaris is a fucking genius if you ask me.  He took what made action films from the 80s and 90s so much fun and added sex to them.  It fucking works if you ask me.  They don't redefine the genre but no one can deny the fun.  The acting in this one is exactly what you expect from former centerfold models and chiseled men spitting unforgettably cheesy one liners.  They are fun to watch but no one in these film are winning awards unless it's a Razzy.  The story for this one is another continuation of what was started in Hard Ticket to Hawaii.  With that being said, the nudity, explosions, and dialogue once again make these films entertaining.  You can pretty much predict how this will end but the journey there is still fun.  Finally, we get a little blood and some gun shot effects with nudity and explosions.  If you want blood and gore you will be very disappointed.  Overall, Guns is another fun entry in the Sidaris action films.  The nudity is a little toned down with this one but it is still extremely fun especially with friends and beer.  The blu looks great and is another valued entry in any movie collector's collection.  

Deathboard

Director - Brad Twigg (Killer Campout, Milfs vs. Zombies)

Starring - Rosanna Nelson (WrestleMassacre, Fiendish Fables), Rick Jermain (Bottom Creek, Frames of Fear), and Maggie Hill (Ghoulish Tales, Killer Campout)

Release Date - 2020

Genre - Horror

Tagline - "They were dying to play"

Format - Streaming (Online Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Covid-19 has most of the world on lock down and many of you are stuck in your home with just your family and hobbies as your vice.  I've worked this entire time but my wife has been lucky enough to work from home.  Like her, many of you are at home and using this extra time wisely to finish projects.  Indie filmmakers are no exception to this.  Seeing this an opportunity to finish up some of their films and I've been lucky to see some of these the last few weeks.  Brad Twigg is a man that seems to always be busy.  He's released several indie horror films over the years that I often recommend to other horror fans.  Under his name he has released Killer Campout, Milfs vs. Zombies, Frames of Fear 1 through 3, Ghoulish Tales, Fiendish Fables, WrestleMassacre, and now Deathboard.  Brad recently reached out to me to review his newest film Deathboard.  This is one I've been very curious about for sometime.  Thanks Brad for sending this one my way.  

     The film follows a group of young girls who are having a get together after one of them purchases a new home.  The home was recently owned by a serial killer who the police suspected did not act alone.  They thought that the neighbor had a hand in the heinous crimes but could never prove it.  Now, the young ladies are in the same home drinking while playing with an Ouija board.  What they don't know is that one of them has ties to the infamous killer and the board has allowed him a second chance to up his kill count.

     Brad Twigg has released some fun and extremely sleazy horror films over the years.  Milfs vs. Zombies and Killer Campout are among my favorites but I'm always looking forward to his next release.  Deathboard is another one that delivers.  Not as sleazy as his previous films but I'm a sucker for an Ouija flick.  The acting in this one is solid.  Rick Jermain is my favorite performance in the film.  I've seen him in at least a dozen other films in the last few years and he has delivered some exceptional performances but this one is my favorite of his.  Hs character in the film is really deranged and he makes his sadistic character stand out from others.  The lead ladies are all on the same page and deliver solid performances.  Their characters are very cliched and unoriginal but they still delivered.  The story for this one has me sold with the Ouija angle mixed with the dead serial killer but the film does slow down when we hit the halfway point.  In fact, the scenes with the ladies drinking and talking about board games is a bit of a dry stretch and difficult to sit through for the viewer.  The film would lose some running time if this was cut out so I understand why it's there but it is a bit of a tedious watch.  Aside from that, I really liked the story.  The twist at the end, the red herring, and the slasher like vibe really pulls me in.  I enjoyed it but it wasn't without it's faults with the dialogue rich scenes in the middle with the drunk ladies.  Finally, the film wouldn't be a Fuzzy Monkey film if it didn't have some blood and gore.  We get several kills.  Some rely heavily on practical effects while others are quick and take place off camera.  The effects we do get are great and really work for the film.  Twigg has a fondness for gore and his admiration of great practical effects always show in his films.  Deathboard is no exception.  Overall, Deathboard is a bloody mess but in a good way.  It does hit a dry patch but fans of sleazy horror flicks will really enjoy this one. Check this one out as soon as you can! 

Tigers Are Not Afraid

Director - Issa Lopez (Three Sundays, Secondary Effects)

Starring - Paola Lara (El Chema, Reina), Juan Roman Lopez, and Nery Arredondo (Narcos vs. Zombies, I Carry You with Me)

Release Date - 2017

Genre - Horror

Format - Bluray (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     I originally planned on spending the week watching Andy Sidaris action flicks but that changed earlier in the week when I received the steelbook for the 2017 Mexican horror fantasy film Tigers Are Not Afraid.  RLJE and Shudder released the film on DVD and blu.  Honestly, I had never heard of this film until I started receiving press releases for it just a few weeks back.  This made me skeptical of the release considering it was a 3 year old film but I was still open minded and at the end of the day I really enjoyed it.  I want to thank RLJE for sending this one my way!

     The film follows a young girl in a small Mexican city riddled with crime.  The cartel keeps the city in a state of panic.  While she is in school the cartel guns down someone in the street nearby forcing everyone in a panic.  A teacher gives her three pieces of chalk to represent three wishes for when she finds herself scared again.  Things take an even darker turn when the cartel kidnaps her mother and kills her.  She is forced onto the streets where she tries to join a gang of orphans.  After gaining their trust they reluctantly let her in but things with the cartel are far from over and the horrors of this Mexican town shows itself.

     I went into this knowing it was a horror fantasy film about children set against a poverty stricken city but I did not expect it to hit as hard as it did.  This parent hit me a little harder than other films and I blame that solely on me being a parent.  The acting in this is solid for the most part but you have to expect some level of inexperience considering how young the cast is.  The story for this one has elements that I really enjoyed and others that made the film feel a little underwhelming.  Several of the scenes with the kids gave me anxiety.  As a parent I have to admit that these scenes had great impact.  However, there is a few scenes trying to establish character development that did drag on a bit too long.  Finally, if you are looking for a bloody and gory horror flick then you will be disappointed.  The film is dark and gritty with some blood but it doesn't rely on carnage to hit the viewer.  There is some blood but the deaths impact you more on an emotional level more than it does for entertainment.  Overall, Tigers Are Not Afraid is an uncomfortable watch for a parent but the dark and gritty story doesn't leave a lasting impression with the viewer.  It is well worth your time but don't expect a film that will stay with you.  Check it out now on DVD and blu.   

Savage Beach

Director - Andy Sidaris (Malibu Express, Picasso Trigger)

Starring - Dona Speir (Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Fit to Kill), Hope Marie Carlton (A Nightmare on Elm St. 4: The Dream Master, Bloodmatch), and John Aprea (Bullitt, The Godfather: Part II)

Release Date - 1989

Genre - Action

Tagline - "Run for cover... this is no ordinary day in the sun"

Format - Bluray (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     I've been watching some pretty strange and weird movies the last few days.  Just over the weekend I watched an erotic parody of the Amityville films centered around a haunted vibrator.  This was a film that really left an impression with me.  I then followed that up with the second film in the Corona Zombie's saga, Barbie and Kendra Save the Tiger King.  This Full Moon flick took new footage and added it to footage from Terror in the Jungle that was dubbed over with various voice actors.  This was fun but stretched way too thin for my tastes.  I wanted to watch something a little fun and not so much horror when I remembered I had a handful of Andy Sidaris films on blu to review.  The first one in this sleazy action marathon is the 1989 Savage Beach which is the only Sidaris film I had heard of prior to getting them in for review.  I want to thank Mill Creek for sending this one over!

     The film follows Donna and Taryn (agents from Picasso Trigger and Hard Ticket to Hawaii) who land their plan on a deserted island when they land out of gas.  What they don't expect is to find an old Japanese soldier guarding buried treasure along with the U.S. military secretly looking for it.

     There is two things I've come to expect from an Andy Sidaris films and that's boobs and explosions.  The man had great taste and that transferred to film very well.  The women are always beautiful (mostly the same cast) and the explosions never disappoint.  Savage Beach is another sequel/spin off of Hard Ticket to Hawaii that follows most of the same characters through Picasso Trigger to this.  The acting in this one is what you would expect from a film more focused on boobs and guns.  The characters, like the previous films, are painfully cliched but the cast really makes them fun.  The one liners and puns are very cheesy but the cast has fun with it.  The story for this one is more of the same.  We follows beautiful operatives as they bust up some sort of crime ring while doing it in barely any clothes.  If you are looking for something new to the genre you will be very disappointed but if you want cheesy dialogue and mindless action then you will be right at home.  Finally, those of you looking for some blood will find a little in the last leg of the film but if you want some gore you will be disappointed.  An Andy Sidaris flick is meant to be a vehicle for beautiful women and action which they typically succeed at.  Overall, Savage Beach is just another cheap action flick with funny dialogue and stereotypical late 80s fun.  The movie entertains and this blu looks so fucking good from Mill Creek.  You can find videos on YouTube of the quality of the previous DVD release and this is a big improvement.  Check it out now on blu from Mill Creek Entertainment.  

Barbie and Kendra Save the Tiger King

Director - Charles Band (Corona Zombies, Trancers)

Starring - Cody Renee Cameron (The Neon Demon, No Respect for the Dead), Robin Sydney (The Gingerdead Man, Evil Bong), and Leslie Jordan (Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, American Horror Story)

Release Date - 2020

Genre - Adventure/Comedy

Tagline - "The Corona Zombies saga continues"

Format - Streaming (Online Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

    Full Moon is at it again.  Last month they had social media in an uproar when they spun Hell of the Living Dead and redubbed it under the title Corona Zombies.  Many felt that this was very insensitive and offense but I honestly felt it was brilliant.  Band is a true exploitation filmmaker and Corona Zombies was a genius move and worked for the filmmaker during the quarantine.  With that being said, I felt that the film was a little too long for what it was.  I laughed and enjoyed most of it but by 40 minutes in I was ready to turn it off and move on.  Not long after the release of that film Full Moon announced the follow up Barbie and Kendra Save the Tiger King.  This film, like Corona Zombies, used new footage shot by Band and company and spliced with old films dubbed.  This time they used the adventure film Terror in the Jungle.  

     The film follows Barbie and Kendra who use toilet paper to save themselves from the evil corona zombies.  Now, safely inside their home, they binge watch a show about Joe Exotic on the Big Pussy Network.  This particular episode follows a little Joe (voiced by Leslie Jordan) as he goes to visit his mom but the plane he is on crashes.  Stranded in the jungle with only his stuffed tiger, he must fight to survive against cannibals that want to sacrifice him.

     I went into this one excited but expecting something in the same vain as Corona Zombies.  The film did not disappoint but does suffer the same fate as CZ.  It has plenty of laughs and I actually enjoy the voice acting more in this one that the first but the film is just too damn long for what we get.  The new footage starring Cody Cameron and Robin Sydney is fun considering it was probably shot on the fly and their characters fit the look the film was going for.  Neither of them give us memorable characters and, sadly, these scenes are not the highlight of the film.  The meat of the film comes from the dubbed footage of Terror in the Jungle.  Leslie Jones steals the show.  His little Joe Exotic lines are fucking hilarious.  The story for this one honestly works for the film.  I really liked it but, as I stated earlier, it was just too damn long.  If this was pushing about 30 minutes I could see myself really loving it but at almost 70 minutes you find yourself losing interest in it.  Also, the interview with Tiger King's John Reinke is very out of place.  It was a really cool interview but it is completely out of touch with the film and left me scratching my head.  Finally, the new footage has the make up effects on the zombies that we saw in the previous film but the Terror in the Jungle segments are pretty tame.  Bloodhounds will not be impressed by what they see here.  Overall, Barbie and Kendra Save the Tiger King is a great idea and has plenty of laughs but the film itself stretches pretty thin before the halfway mark.  It's fun but I don't see myself rewatching it anytime soon.  

Amityville Vibrator

Director - Nathan Rumler (Fangboner, Gay for Pray: The Erotic Adventures of Jesus Christ)

Starring - Corella Waring (CarousHELL, Beyond the Valley of Belief), Mallory Maneater (Cinched and Secured, Hardtied), and Emily Hilborn (Fangboner)

Release Date - 2020

Genre - Horror/Comedy

Format - Streaming (Online Screener)

Rating (Out of 5):

     I often catch shit over the films I like and how I often dislike films that many genre fans obsess over.  I like what I like and I refuse to pretend to be someone I'm not.  Most of the films I love are cheap, sleazy, and offer up some good laughs along the way.  I'd rather sit down with some beer and a stack of Troma flicks over most of these "essential" horror films people rave about in the horror groups on Facebook.  Several years ago I befriended indie director and actor Nathan Rumler while he was working on his out of this world vampire comedy Fangboner.  From that moment on I was a fan of his and Rock Bottom Video.  Their films may be no budget and rough around the edges but you can't deny how much fucking fun they are to watch.  RBV has released some of my favorite indie productions of recent years and I'm always waiting for the next film of theirs to release.  Sometime back Rumler announced his newest project, Amityville Vibrator.  This horror comedy/parody would star Corella Waring, Mallory Maneater, Emil Hilborn, and Rumler himself.  I couldn't wait to check it out and when he asked me a few days back to review it I immediately said yes...with my dick in my hand.  

     The film follows Cathy (Waring) who recently purchased a new home.  What she doesn't know is that the home was once owned by a relative who snapped and killed their family.  Now, all these years later she has moved back into it.  To make matters worse, she just bought a used vibrator that, when used, will turn you into a sex slave for Satan.  

     You never know what to expect when you have people like Rumler, Brian Papandrea, and Brian Kilby behind the camera.  Rumler's films are known to be more out their than his two counterparts so I was expecting plenty of sleaze and satanic humor but I was not prepared to have my senses fucked relentlessly.  Amityville Vibrator is the movie I needed in my life and I sincerely fucking hope that other directors (Sean Donohue I'm looking at you) start making over the top raunchy horror comedies with more nudity than you can shake your dick at.  The acting in this one is not meant to be award winning or pull a tear from your eye.  The characters are meant to deliver plenty of sex appeal and a laugh in between sex scenes.  The characters are extremely fun and the cast does a fantastic job at controlling their scenes.  They are extremely comfortable in their own skin and that makes the scenes very enjoyable.  The story for this one is an erotic parody of one of the Amityville horror films.  Rumler set out to parody the films that use the Amityville name while giving the viewer tons of nudity and Satanic imagery.  He nailed what he was going for and released a film that I can't stop thinking about days after viewing it.  I really enjoyed myself but there is a few portions of the film that left me scratching my head.  My biggest question about the story is the woods scene where they are tripping balls.  It had some laughs but does nothing for the story.  Honestly, we need more Satanic puppet sex and less Rumler transcending.  Finally, the film doesn't shy away from the red stuff either.  We get some great blood and gore but not as much as we do boobs and coots.  The practical effects we get are fucking fantastic and really fit the film.  From my understanding, James and Mae Bell are responsible for this and they never let me down.  Overall, Amityville Vibrator is exactly what the sleazy horror fan needs.  The movie has laughs, blood, and so many fucking boobs.  Do not sleep on this film because you will regret it!  Throw this one in with a few beers and your favorite sock!

Terror 5

Director(s) - Sebastian Rotstein (Rabbit 105, Historias Breves 8) and Federico Rotstein (Rabbit 105, Historias Breves 8)

Starring - Airas Alban, Augusto Alvarez, and Naiara Awada (27: The Cursed Club, Cherry Pie)

Release Date - 2016

Genre - Horror

Tagline - "This all happened, more or less"

Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

          I haven't been movie watching like I normally do.  Instead, I've found myself addicted to Pubg again.  I know this game is buggy as fuck and needs reworked but I absolutely love it and the deployment of bots added even more fun to it.  After taking a week off from reviewing I decided it was time to watch a few movies.  After watching a few Artsploition flicks I decided to give the action thriller Bloodshot a watch.  When it let me down I decided to give another Artsploitation flick a spin.  This time I went with the 2016 Argentinian horror film Terror 5.  I want to take a moment to thank Artsploitation for sending this movie my way!

     The film consists of 5 stories interwoven together and taking place in the same town.  The first follows two teens on a date where they visit their school.  The dude is under the impression he is going to get laid but uncovers that she is into something a bit more darker than he would like.  The second story follows an unlikable couple that try to spice things up in the bedroom so they visit a hotel to add a little kink to their sex life but find something much more.  The third story follows a bullied teen who has had enough and kills his "friends" that pick on him.  The fourth follows two ladies men that want to girlfriend swap but quickly discover that is not for them.  The fifth and final story for this one follows a corrupt politician responsible for several deaths.  Those that died return from the grave to seek revenge.

      I was really excited about this one.  I had seen some of the images from the film that was sent with the press release and it looked fucking awesome.  However, once the film starts you quickly realize that the film may have some impresses imagery and camerawork but lacks on substance.  The acting in this one is pretty solid but the cast's talent is lost in the clunky characters they portrayed and the film's choppy editing.  Honestly, the living characters are really hard to like.  The viewer is just waiting for them to meet their demise.  The stories for this one has potential, for the most part, but just doesn't do it for me.  The first story could be a real sick masterpiece but takes a bit of a soft approach to it.  I could see it taking a real Serbian Film route but we don't get that.  The last story with the undead is by far my favorite of the film.  It's a slow moving classic take on zombies that I really enjoyed but the segment is just too short to truly appreciate it.  Finally, the film has some brutal deaths and solid practical effects but they are not the center point of the segment.  They just roll on through with the story while the horror hands looking for blood are forced to ride along.  The viewer doesn't get to really enjoy these scenes.  Overall, Terror 5 has some very entertaining ideas but they are delivered in a painfully bland manner resulting in an forgettable anthology.  Skip it.  

Bloodshot

Director - Dave Wilson (Love, Death & Robots)

Starring - Vin Diesel (Guardians of the Galaxy, The Last Witch Hunter), Eiza Gonzalez (From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series, Godzilla vs. King Kong), and Sam Heughan (The Spy Who Dumped Me, Outlander)

Release Date - 2020

Genre - Action/Sci-Fi

Tagline - "You don't need a past to have a future"

Format - Streaming

Rating - (Out of 5):

         Covid-19 changed things for a lot of people.  I'm a married man with a family so it's rare that I get to visit a theatre to watch some movies but I had plans to check out two different films while they were on their theatrical run.  The first was The Hunt which has since been released on VOD for the time being.  The other film was the Vin Diesel vehicle Bloodshot.  The trailer looked like a fun popcorn action flick.  I had never read the comics so I was only excited to see the film.  A friend of mine picked the film up recently on 4K and was kind enough to send me the Vudu code to use.  

     The film follows special ops soldier Ray (Diesel) who is killed when he is captured by a terrorist.  The terrorist kills his wife and soon Ray is awakened in a lab where he learns he was brought back to life with nanobots that instantly heal him.  Armed with a vendetta against the person responsible for his death and the love of his life, he sets out to kill him.  However, there is more at play here than he is lead to believe and soon uncovers that the person responsible for his rebirth has more sinister plans for him.

     I wasn't expecting a movie that I would obsess over but I was expecting a fun theatrical action flick that would be fun to watch despite it's flaw.  Sadly, Bloodshot failed.  It did have a few cool moments but the dreadful dialogue and melodramatic characters made this one a but boring.  The acting in this one is what you would expect from a film starring Vin Diesel.  In every movie I've seen of his he always acts like the same character.  The Last Witch Hunter is a favorite of mine but if you cut his scenes out and put them in The Fast and the Furious you wouldn't be able to pick the characters apart. The same can be said about Bloodshot.  His character has no personality so it's difficult to follow him throughout the film.   The supporting cast delivers some very fun performances with way more entertaining characters than Ray (Bloodshot).  The story for this one is painfully predictable with most of the story given away in the trailer.  You literally go into this knowing who the antagonist is.  The only thing you don't know from the trailer is why.  The characters are very cliched and some are so cliched they come across as cringy.  We have one character that is a master at swimming that has...cybernetic lungs.  A sharpshooter that lost his vision that has been fit with implants making him see better than before.  I mean, come on.  This is G.I. Joe type stuff. I surely hope these are characters found in the comics and not people written into the film.  Finally, the film has some pretty cool scenes with some blood and gruesome images.  The film relies heavily on computer generated images but it works for the film.  I've seen CGI in movies like this in the past and they were atrocious.  However, Bloodshot uses it very well to fit the film.  In fact, a few of the scenes, mostly highlighted in the trailer, really impressed me.  Overall, Bloodshot is a painfully mediocre but does have a few memorable moments.  It's fun for a one time watch but you will find yourself tuning out.  

The Man With the Magic Box

Director - Bodo Kox (Television Theater, The Girl from the Wardrobe)

Starring - Olga Boladz (DNA, The Border), Piotr Polak (Boys with Butterflies, Apocalypse), and Sebastian Stankiewicz (The Plagues of Breslau, Shameless)

Release Date - 2017

Genre - Sci-fi/Thriller

Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     I've been playing a lot pf Pubg recently and put movies on the back burner for a bit.  I'll never get caught up on reviews and I've started to come to terms with that and rather than stressing I've decided to play some games and enjoy myself.  Several days back I watched Rondo and enjoyed myself for the most part and recently took a little break from gaming to watch another Artsploitation release.  This time I went with the 2017 sci-fi thriller The Man with the Magic Box.  I want to once again thank Artsploitation for sending this one my way to check out.

     The film follows Adam (Polak) who can't remember anything about his past and takes a job cleaning an office complex.  He is allowed to live in an abandoned building secretly and is trying to make sense of his dreams when he sparks up an unusual relationship with one of the employees at the office he cleans.  As he searches for his old memories with the help of a time traveling radios, she is forced to help him while suspiciously watching the for authorities who is keeping tabs on him.

     I went into this completely ignorant as to what it was about.  The artwork for the film did not paint that great of a picture but once the film started I found myself completely enthralled.  Sadly, the story was not as enticing as the visuals were.  The acting in this one is solid for the most part.  Some of the characters, mostly supporting roles, are more entertaining than the film's protagonists.  Honestly, the film's leads do a solid job but their characters are not that fun to watch.  In fact, I think the film would have been much more entertaining if it followed Sebastian more.  The story for this one has plenty of promise but the confusing order in which it plays out and the editing makes it a little difficult to follow.  I can understand a film trying to set itself apart from others like it but giving viewers a more linear story to follow would have made this movie leagues better than what we got.  Finally, if you are looking for the red stuff you will be surely disappointed.  The film is beautifully shot with some amazing cinematography but it stays true to it's sci-fi roots. Overall, The Man with the Magic Box has an interesting plot but the delivery makes it a bit of a rough watch.  The movie is exceptionally beautiful but the story is a quick turn off.  The film does have some redeeming qualities that makes it worth at least one watch but I don't see any rewatch value.  

Rondo

Director - Drew Barnhardt (Murder Loves Killers Too, Pure Bliss)

Starring - Brenna Otts (Westworld, Scandal), Luke Sorge (Galaxy of Horrors, Feral 2), and Gena Shaw (Creepshow, Not Another Teen Movie)

Release Date - 2018

Genre - Thriller/Crime

Tagline - "Sex. Murder. Revenge."

Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Watching Onward with my family put me in a movie mood.  I wanted to watch something a little more violent and up to my speed but I wasn't really feeling horror at the moment.  I went to my review stack and started looking through it when I found the perfect movie to spin. A few months back Artsploitation Films released the crime thriller Rondo on DVD.  The trailer looked insanely fun and I couldn't wait to watch it.  Wife seems to always get away from me so I was sitting on this one too long but it was well worth the wait.  Thanks again Artsploitation Films for sending this one my way!

     The film follows a veteran who is struggling with alcohol addiction.  He starts seeing a drug counselor who suggests he speak with a man named Rondo who can hook him up with a high end escort.  He reluctantly agrees and finds himself in a small apartment with three other men.  Rondo and his assistants take the men one at a time in a room with a woman and they have their way.  However, the young man spots Rondo and his henchmen killing one of the other men and flees.  He rushes home to tell his sister who doesn't believe him.  Not long after her apartment is raided by Rondo and his goons and her brother is murdered.  She reaches out to her father and the two try to track down who is responsible for his death but there is a much bigger conspiracy at play here than an escort scam. 

     I went into this one expecting a Tarantino inspired modern day grindhouse type flick.  The artwork and poster gave me that vibe but the film was not like that at all.  In fact, the trailer painted a completely different picture but I'm glad it wasn't what I was expecting.  It caught me off guard somewhat and kept me intrigued from scene to scene.  The acting in this one really surprised me.  The entire cast was on their A game.  There was no weak links to be seen and the cast work phenomenally well together.  I really liked the characters and the cast did one hell of a job in each and every scene bringing them to life.  The story for this one does keep you on your toes and it's not one that is easy to predict.  In fact, the twist and turns really surprised me.  I really enjoyed the thriller aspect of the film and the characters, dialogue, and setting really worked in the film's favor.  With that being said, the second leg of the film does drag a bit.  The film could end at any time but we still follow the characters down the conspiracy rabbit hole.  Finally, the film does have a few brutal kills and some blood but no gore.  The kills we get really fit the style of film and we get a decent amount of blood with effects that work.  Nothing that memorable but they work for the scene.  Overall, Rondo does have a few issues but it is still well worth your time.  Th characters really sell the film and the story works for the most part.  Check it out whenever you get the chance because you will not be disappointed.  

Onward

Director - Dan Scanlon (Monster University, Tracy)

Starring - Tom Holland (Spies in Disguise, Spider-Man: Homecoming), Chris Pratt (Guardians of the Galaxy, Jurassic World), and Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Seinfeld, The Fairly Odd Parents)

Release Date - 2020

Genre - Adventure/Comedy/Fantasy

Tagline - "Cometh soon"
Format - Streaming (Disney+)

Rating (out of 5):

     I'm not a Disney fan in the traditional sense.  I am a fan of Marvel and Star Wars but I typically don't watch most of the animated Disney movies unless my kids are.  My wife is home now because of this whole pandemic.  She's a teacher and with schools closed for the year she's been home with our little ones while I've been at work.  One evening last week the kids wanted to have a movie night and my daughter wanted to watch something from Disney+.  When we were searching for something to watch Onward caught my eye.  It was one of the films I was interested in checking out back before the outbreak.  It looked like your typical Disney flick but the characters looked way more interesting.  I'm glad I checked it out because I enjoyed it way more than my kids did.

     The film follows two elvish brothers, Barley (Pratt) and his little brother Ian (Holland), who live in modern day world that was once a magical kingdom.  Their father died when they were both very little and on Ian's 16th birthday he is gifted a magical staff from their mother that was meant for them. Ian works with the staff for sometime and eventually is able to resurrect the bottom half of his father.  In order to completely bring him back for a limited time they must go on an adventure together before 24 hours is up.

      I wasn't expecting a bad movie but I wasn't expecting to like this movie as much as I did.  The story really had me thinking about it days later and I couldn't wait to give it another spin.  Since my first viewing I've seen the movie 3 times now while my kids show no more interest in it.  The voice acting I this one is absolutely perfect.  Tom Holland is fantastic as the film's lead.  His character is very grounded and brings some much needed stability to the film.  A much different role than the wise cracking Spider-Man we typically see him as.  Chris Pratt delivers an awesome performance as well.  His metal loving, D n' D playing, van driving character is what made me so interested in the film.  He delivers and that character is one I will not be forgetting any time soon.  The supporting cast is fun as well.  Some of the characters do stand out more than others but they are all very consistent.  The story for this one hits pretty hard as a father.  I couldn't imagine a doctor telling my family and I that I would only have so much time to spend with my family before I pass.  That aspect of the film really hit hard for me.  Not seeing my children grow up would be the worst part of it all.  We then get the highly entertaining characters, and the fantasy inspired adventure added to it really brought the film home for me.  The humor does fall flat at times but it did get a few chuckles out of my little ones.  Finally, the animation for this one looks great.  If you have seen any Pixar films in the last few years then you know what to expect with this film.  I really enjoyed how the creatures and characters looked and the action sequences were extremely fun to watch.  Overall, Onward is the animated movie that parents can enjoy with their kids.  The story is heartbreaking at times but ends, as to be expected, with a heartwarming moment.  The adventure is fun and the cast is damn near perfect.  Check this one out when you get the chance.  Make it a movie night with your family because you will not be disappointed.  

The Allins

Director - Sami Saif (The UFO War, American Short)

Starring - Merle Allin (Tromeo and Juliet), Arleta Baird, and GG Allin (Affliction, Hated: GG Allin and the Murder Junkies)

Release Date - 2017

Genre - Documentary

Tagline - "One hell of a family"

Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     I'm a metal head.  I grew up in family that was obsessed with country.  In the mid-90s, when I was just a kid, my brother introduced me to Black Sabbath and Motorhead.  It was at this point in my life that I realized I was not like my father and cousins.  All things rock was where my life was headed and I fully embraced it.  I may not be the biggest fan or a scholar of the late, great GG Allin but I do know enough to know that he was a legend.  No one could put on a show like this front man and his untimely death shook the underground rock community.  A little while back the fine folks over at MVD were kind enough to send over a documentary about GG's family.  Thanks again for sending this one over!

     The film follows GG's mother Arleta and brother/bandmate Merle as they cope with his death.  GG died in 1993 from an overdose and his mother struggles to remember the GG that wasn't drug addled and doing his antics on stage while Merle keeps his brother's stage presence alive by touring with their band and selling memorabilia.  

     I was very curious how this documentary was going to play out but once it started rolling I couldn't look away.  At times we see the train wreck that was GG Allin before moving into the family side of the "Allins."  I knew some about GG and the Murder Junkies but this documentary does a fantastic job at showing another side of GG that many don't see or hear about.  The interviews in this one mostly consists of GG's mother and brother.  Merle speaks of his brother almost like he was a mythical creature.  He truly loves GG and really wants new generations of rock fans to remember him and his antics.  However, his mother was never fond of those particular memories of GG and tries to remember him as the loving son with a passion for music.  I really enjoyed the opposite disposition they have on the same person but it would have been amazing to have interviews from others that new him well.  I know the film is called The Allins but it would be cool to get a little more insight on GG from those close to him but not family.  The film follows the two as they go on their daily lives 20 some years after GG's death.  Throughout the film we learn more about GG, his abusive childhood, his love for music and art, the dark path he followed with drug use, and his untimely demise.  Scattered throughout this learning experience we see how they both struggle with his memory.  Finally, the film is edited together very smoothly and done with great care.  I've seen several documentary filmmakers tackle topics because they know they have a following and there is money to be had.  This is not the case.  Saif is a clearly a fan or, in the least, respects GG as a music legend.  He took great care with this and placed it together perfectly.  Overall, The Allins is a fantastic watch about two figures that typically go unnoticed.  GG Allin was a legend that left behind a legacy but rock fans never mention his brother and bandmate Merle in the same sentence.  I highly suggest this film for any rock fans or someone looking for a fun documentary to check out.  If you don't care for GG and his music you can still appreciate this film.  

Reigo, King of the Sea-Monsters

Director - Shinpei Hayashiya (Gamera 4, Raiga: God of the Monsters)

Starring - Yukijiro Hotaru (Sexy Battle Girls, Samurai Gangsters), Miyu Oriyama (Amazing Grace, The Slit-Mouthed Woman 0: The Beginning), and Mao Urata (Kamen Rider Zi-O, Control: Hanzai Shinri Sousa)

Release Date - 2005

Genre - Horror/Sci-Fi

Tagline - "The deep sea monster vs the battleship Yamato"

Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     I grew up on a healthy dose of Godzilla, Mothra, and Gamera.  My grandmother was a huge Sci-Fi Channel fan and I would spend hours in front of the ol boob tube watching these kaiju flicks.  For a little while during my teenage years I could say I was a bit obsessed with them.  I love cheesy kaiju flicks and when they take a serious turn I often find myself not enjoying them as much.  Sure, there is some exceptions to the rule with films like Pacific Rim and so on but I generally enjoy the campy kaiju more than the serious ones.  A few weeks back I received the DVD release of the 2005 kaiju film Reigo, King of the Sea-Monsters.  SRS Cinema recently released the film here in the U.S. and the folks over at MVD was kind enough to send a copy my way.  Thanks guys!

     The film follows the battleship Yamato when they come across something strange in the water.  Their policy of shooting first and asking questions later when they kill the creature.  Moments later the creature's mother, Reigo, arrives and the siege of Yomato is underway.  

     I went into this one expecting to really enjoy myself with some serious kaiju fun.  Sadly, the film was anything but that.  I'm not too hard on indie or low budget flick but I tend to love low to no budget takes on kaiju but this one fell flat in almost every aspect.  The acting in this one is decent but leaves plenty of room for improvement.  I love the campy and cheesy acting you can find in most kaiju flicks because they reflect the atmosphere the film is bringing to life.  However, the acting in this film is extremely over-dramatic which makes it hard for the cast to sell the scene.  The characters are not that likable and the cast struggles with their scenes.  The story for this one would work for an amazing kaiju flick but the serious tone, the lack of atmosphere, and dark lighting makes this one miss it's mark.  We get the perfect set up for a kaiju film but the kaiju rides the backseat while we sit through what almost feels like a war drama.  This does not translate to a creature feature very well.  Also, the pacing in this one is all off.  We sometimes go from action sequence to action sequence then hit with several painfully drab scenes of uninteresting dialogue.  Finally, if you want a great looking kaiju and some blood you will be disappointed.  The kaiju Reigo, when we do see it, is not impressive.  I like the design but the computer effects are painfully dated and does not translate well on this DVD release.  Also, this one is not a bloody mess like most of you sick fucks enjoy.  Instead, it flows more like a drama with a CGI monster scattered here and there.  Overall, Reigo was not the kaiju fix I was looking for.  No campy monster mayhem.  In fact, we don't get that much kaiju mayhem at all.  If you like war flicks you may enjoy it but the typical kaiju fan will want to skip over it.  

Atelophobia: Chapter 2

Director - Joe Lujan (The Immortal Wars, Rust)

Starring - Corey Taylor (Slumber Tales, The Summoning),  Brittany Enos (Rust 2, Atelophobia), and Taylor Kilgore (Project M, Hex)

Release Date - 2018

Genre - Horror

Tagline - "Beauty will never die"

Format - Bluray (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     My Joe Lujan marathon is coming to an end.  This journey has been a wild ride full of ups and downs.  Sadly, we are ending on the biggest down out of the four films.  Rust proved to be a film with some fun moments and huge potential but the repetitiveness broke me down.  The follow up, Ru2t, was a much better film.  After those two it was time for Lujan's 2015 film Atelophobia.  I was worried this one would not be for me but I was very surprised by how much I enjoyed it.  I couldn't wait to toss in the 2018 sequel but once I started I quickly realized that this film was a huge miss for me.  I still want to thank Lujan for sending this one my way and I'm sorry I didn't care for this follow up.

     The film follows the cast and crew of the horror film Atelophobia as they celebrate the film's release.  Things start out fun with some drinking and laughs but take a dark turn when everyone at the party starts to slur their words before passing out.  Soon they find themselves reliving the scenes they portrayed in the film by fans who are obsessed with Meredith.  

     I was excited for this one but it was quickly evident that this film wasn't going to give me something new.  In fact, we get the same film with the same characters going through the same torment they went through in the first film with the only exception is that there is a bit of a plot hole that makes this one leave you scratching your head.  The acting in this one is not as impressive as the first film.  We get the same cast, now playing themselves and not the characters from the film, as they go through the same scenario as previously seen.  The impact of their performances is not the same after seeing how amazing they were in the first film.  In addition, we once again get people that look like fans of Bile and Ministry delivering some cheesy dialogue that takes away from the scene.  The story for this one is unoriginal and is just another rehashing of the first film.  We get a little different angle in which the film happens but not enough to warrant a second film.  I really enjoyed the first film but this almost felt like I stopped it and just started it all over again.  Another complaint I have about the film is how "fans" are committing these crimes but I'm almost certain they were being abducted during the film's premier.  I may have misunderstood what was going on but if this was the film's premier how does the film have fans already?  Finally, the film tries to deliver some of the brutal torture scenes as the first film but the heart just isn't there.  We get some decent practical effects but the longevity and impact of the effects are nowhere near the first film.  Overall, Atelophobia: Chapter II is not a movie that I can recommend.  I can recommend the first film, and I do, but just stop with that film.    

Atelophobia

Director - Joe Lujan (Rust, The Immortal Wars)

Starring - Corey Taylor (Rust, White Trash Smash), Brittany Enos (Last Day of School, Rust 2), and Taylor Kilgore (Rust, The Immortal Wars)

Release Date - 2015

Genre - Horror

Tagline - "Beauty has a price"

Format - Bluray (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

  

The last few days I set my sights on two indie horror films from director Joe Lujan.  The first was his horror short Rust followed by the sequel Rust 2, stylized as Ru2t.  The first film in the series was a bit of a let down and I found myself becoming severely bored with it.  I had little hopes for the sequel but found myself really enjoying it.  I don't see myself tossing it in any time soon but I definitely enjoyed it.  When Joe sent me these two films on blu to review he also sent over two other films to check out.  I was riding the high of Rust 2 and decided to hurry onto his next film.  The next one on the chopping block is his 2015 horror film Atelophobia.  

     The film follows a group of mean spirited pageant contestants who are often belittling and degrading a young woman who wants nothing more than to fit in.  After suffering years of abuse she snaps and abducts these beautiful yet evil women to torture and disfigure.  Robbing them of the thing they love most...their beauty.  

     I was looking forward to viewing this film but I did have some doubts.  First off, I had to look up Atelophobia because I had no idea what the fuck it meant.  The other reason I had doubts was because it centered around a group of pageant contestants.  I was almost certain that the characters and scenario would turn me off but I actually really enjoyed what Lujan delivered.  The acting in this one starts out a little mediocre before we really get into the solid performances.  The snobby beautiful women really get under your skin which is a true testament to their performance.  They were written to hate and they do a tremendous job at pulling that emotion out of the viewer.  They then switch it up and turn from bitch to helpless victim delivering yet another solid performance.  The captors and their leader, Meredith I believe her name was, are a little on the cheesy side.  They look and act like characters in a late 90s industrial music video which does take the tone away from the movie somewhat.  The dark and gritty look of the torture scenes do receive a few unintentional laughs as a result.  The story for this one works for what it is and the title, though not that appealing, perfectly fits the film.  Some people, like myself, will see the title Atelophobia and skip on it because they do not know what that means prior to viewing.  However, if you look beyond the title you will find a very grounded torture flick that is a little more than torture porn.  It has some slight social commentary and solid pacing which works.  Normal torture porn turns me off to a horror film but this one works with the characters you start out hating.  Finally, the film has some impressive practical effects that fit the them of the film.  We watch several beautiful woman as they are disfigured.  The effects work and they stick with you long after you turn the film off.  Overall, Atelophobia is a surprisingly hard hitting film.  Some people will look at the artwork and title for this one and look over it but I highly recommend checking this one out.  You may be surprised as well.  

Rust 2

Director - Joe Lujan (Atelophobia, The Immortal Wars)
Starring - Corey Taylor (Survive, Hot Tub Party Massacre), Taylor Kilgore (Ghoul, Scare Me), and Morlon Greenwood (Scare Me, TNA Impact Wrestling)
Release Date - 2016
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "Return to Hell"
Format - Bluray (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5): 

     I hate when I get a movie in to review from the director and I find myself not liking it.  It always makes me feel like an asshole that does not appreciate all their hard work.  That's far from the case.  Just because I dislike something doesn't mean it's bad.  Hell, reviews are subjective and no one should take what I say as definitive.  I just reviewed the horror short Rust from director Joe Lujan and it had a few entertaining moments but at the end of the day it just fell flat with me.  Honestly, I was not looking forward to the sequel but I couldn't leave it with the first one and decided to toss it in.  

      The film picks up after the events of the first film with the final girl visiting the abandoned attractions with a police detective and the relative of one of the victims of the first film.  When they arrive they discover that the killer is no longer along and has been expecting them.

   


     I went into this one expecting a mediocre genre flick that would fall under what I like to call Wal-Mart horror.  The first film falls painfully into mediocrity but the follow up has a little more heart.  Not a lot more but just enough to notice the different between the two.  The fact that it was longer made me hesitant at first but I found myself surprisingly enjoy this one somewhat. The acting in this one is a little more enjoyable than the first film.  The characters seem to have a more tolerable personality and the constant screaming is not as annoying as the first film.  The story for this one is literally more of the same but we get a little more added to it so it doesn't feel as boring.  It is predictable but you enjoy the ride you take.   The torturing doesn't feel like the main focus of this film like it was with the previous one.  We get more character development that builds in very well with the story.  In fact, the film really reminded me a lot of the mid-2000s Brain Damage releases which I really enjoy.  Finally, this one relies heavily on the dark environment.  We do get some blood but far from the most I've seen with an indie production.  The effects works for the kills we get but they are not something you will remember when you toss in another flick.  Overall, Rust 2 is a well improved follow up to Joe Lujan's horror short.  Everything is improved upon from acting, story, and kills.  The first film has some fun moments but this one is well worth the watch.  Check it out.