Starring - Sara Maas (Creative Cove), Ray Martinez (Question of Ethics), and Brad Guerrie (The Repo Man)
Release Date - 2010
Genre - Horror/Sci-Fi
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)
Rating (out of 5):
Bad movies usually come in three's for me. When I get a movie in to review I usually find myself writing bad reviews in triplet but once that passes I usually get 4 or 5 great films to check out in and it is well worth the hassle. Not long ago director Sean Donohue reached out to me with two films to review. He will be releasing both films through his Gatorblade label and was wanting some reviews to check them out. The first film I watched, Slice, was a big turd. The film had a sexy fucking cast and a decent story but was unable to pull either of those together to make a film that is worth a damn. The second, Bikini Monsters, sounded fun as hell and I couldn't wait to check it out. Thanks Sean for hooking me up!
The film follows a young female police detective who is called to the scene of a grisly murder at the beach. She finds some clues and follows some leads where she comes across two scientists who are eager to help her solve the case. The find a scale and are unable to determine what creature it came from and suspect it may be from deep within the ocean. Soon, beautiful women turn up missing and men murdered. It is a race against the clock to find the killer when they quickly learn that it is a mad scientist that is trying to create a mermaid out of women using a serum he has concocted. They must stop him before he can ruin another beautiful woman's life.
When I was first told of this film I had no idea what to expect. I had not seen the artwork and only had the title to go by. I assumed the film would take the Killer Condom and Killer Rack approach and feature an inanimate object killing people. I was very, very wrong about that. The acting in this one is similar to Slice. The cast needed a lot of work and just did not feel genuine. In fact, several scenes made it feel like the cast was bothered to be on set or that it was a chore that they were doing by force. This created an awkward atmosphere to watch. The cast really needed direction first and foremost. The story for this one really had be for what it was. The thought of a mad scientist turning beautiful women into bloodthirsty bastards of nature. I loved that angle. The film could have been the no budget equivalent to a Jim Wynorski flick but it failed to actually deliver on the sleaze and story. The film moves so slow that I almost fell asleep several times. A story with this much potential for cheese and sleaze should not be this boring. Finally, those of you looking for some blood and gore will be very disappointed. The film does have several kill scenes but the kills we do get are not that great. They have some minor gore with some decent practical effects but they are easily forgettable. A film following sexy creatures from the deep does not have the kills one would expect. Overall, Bikini Monsters is a film with so much potential that falls flat. The acting is dry and the kills are bland but the story could have been so much more. Re-write this and send it to the king of sleaze, Jim Wynorski. Lets get the film this story calls for.