Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Bunny the Killer Thing

Director - Joonas Makkonen (Male Bonding )
Starring - Valtteri Herrala, Matti Kiviniemi (The Human Sculptures), and Joonas Makkonen
Release Date - 2011
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "Evolution can surprise you"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):
     Have you ever made a personal observation and then continue to see a trend for months after the first initial observation. A few months back I reviewed Dustin Mills' film Easter Casket.  That was actually the second killer bunny flick that I reviewed with the first being Easter Bunny Kill Kill.  Not long after that I actually came across the Facebook page for the upcoming Easter Sunday film.  I was searching for Easter Casket on Facebook when I randomly found the pages for Bunnyman and this particular film here.  I ventured over to Youtube and watched a trailer for this one and fucking loved it.  I reached out to the page and the people behind the film was nice enough to mail me a screener all the way from Finland so thanks for that!
     This short follows a group of twenty-somethings as they travel late one evening down a dark country road when they strike a giant fury creature.  When the driver gets out of the car to see what he had hit he is attacked by the creature.  The animal is a man-sized bunny with a giant cock hellbent on killing and fucking (in no particular order) anything he can find.  The youths are then pitted in a life and death struggle as they fight for survival in the Finnish wilderness.
     In one of my reviews I mentioned that I lack a lot of experience  with films outside of the U.S. and Canada.  I have been watching a lot of Asian spatter flicks lately but as far as other films from other countries I have been lacking.  After watching this film I would have to say I am now open to watch any Finnish horror flicks I can find.  This movie caught me off guard and I fucking loved it.  This movie was sleazy, bloody, and fun as hell.  The acting is hard to judge due to the subtitles.  I'm sure it is on the same level as most indie shorts but for the English speaking viewer it may be difficult to judge.  The story is simple, raunchy, and very entertaining.  Simplicity, blood, and sex sells and the team behind this know that and made a very effective flick that will shock every member of the audience.  Finally, the special effects are on the bad side.  A guy in a bunny suite, a giant fake tallywhacker, and tons of fake blood are not the best visually but only add to the absurd story making one funny film.  Overall, this is a sleazy flick that is sure to entertain.  I highly recommend this one!


The Rejuvenator

The Rejuvenator (1988)

(out of 5)

directed by:  Brian Thomas Jones
starring:  Vivian Lanko, John McKay, James Hogue, Katell Pleven, Jessica Dublin, Lous Homyak, Marcus Powell
Genre:  Sci-Fi/Horror
Format:  VHS - Personal Collection

     Nothing gets me more excited to watch a new film then when the new film is from the 80s.  Being that this is the time period when I started really watching and getting into horror films there really is no wonder as to why.  This particular entry is called the Rejuvenator and what a breath of fresh air it was for me.  No it's not really all that well made but for me anyway it enters into the so-bad-it's good category.  I mean one look at the creature designs and I already knew that going in.  Yes a little better acting and writing would have made it more of a From Beyond classic status but not every film makes the mark. 

    The film follows the experiments of a Dr.  Ashton (McKay) and his patient Ruth Warren (Dublin) and their quest for eternal youth.  Ruth is a wealthy actress who is fed up with losing her beauty and figure to the aging woman she sees in the mirror.  She is played by Troma's own Jessica Dublin who played Mrs. Junko in Toxic Avenger 2 and 3 and she really is the only good actor in the whole film.  The rest even John McKay our lead character are very mediocre at best.  It begins with Dr. Ashton being told by his boss at the clinic where he performs his research that he is running out of time providing results with his research and also that Dr. Ashton is using too many cadavers for his experiments.  Ashton then begins to panic and combined with the demands of his patient to continue on with his research using her as a guinea pig the good doctor decides to inject Ruth with his new youth serum.  Immediately Ruth begins to see the glorifying results of his experiment when she is transformed into a woman with the looks and body half her age. 

     Then Dr. Ashton's assistant Stella (Pleven) discovers a problem with one of the rats that was injected with the same serum.  The rat became horribly mutated and extremely violent until given dose after dose of serum as if they were heroine addict.  And the same soon happens to Ruth who now calls herself Elizabeth in an effort to conceal her "old" identity.  The main problem with this of course is that the good doctor was using brain fluid from all the dead bodies he was using up not create the serum.  So the doctor begins buying large amounts of illegal dead bodies to satisfy Elizabeth's thirst.  It's not long before Elizabeth begins to change into a series of horrific monsters with a variety of bad and so-so effects.  Meanwhile the doctor who is falling in love with her cannot get enough cadavers to make up new serum every time she transforms.  So after a gory murder spree Elizabeth discovers she no longer needs Dr. Ashton and learns that she can just rip out her own victim's brains and suck the juices she needs. 
     There isn't much more pressing to say about this film I enjoyed it as a comfort novelty from the eighties but nothing, not even the effects were that superb.  I did like a song that was played by The Poison Dollys in a club scene when Elizabeth was searching for a victim. Typical hair band metal of the time period only they are actually women instead of men dressed like women.  So go in not expecting a whole lot except true 80s fun and you'll have a blast. 

Tuesday, July 30, 2013


Wilderness (2006)

directed by :  Michael J. Bassett
starring:  Sean Pertwee, Alex Reid, Stephen Wight, Lenora Chriclow, Adam Deacon, Luke Neal, Toby Kebbell
Genre:  Survial Horror
Format:  DVD (Personal Collection)

     Another great movie starring Sean Pertwee.  This man makes any film for me enjoyable just to see him act.  From this survival horror to Dog Soldiers fighting werewolves to the sci- fi horror Event Horizon Pertwee never fails with a quality performance.  Wilderness is one of my favorite in the sub-genre of survival horror films that not only captures horrorific gory murders but is also very well scripted. The effects themselves are very impressive, pretty brutal, and as a man who despises cgi blood I was more than impressed even with a shot or two of the computerized red stuff.  Of course we do have one of the designers of the Prometheus creatures Waldo Mason credited as a special effects artist and another Ben Phillips who worked on a number of the Harry Potter films so there you go. 
    Pertwee isn't the only notable actor here we also have Lenora Chriclow from the British television show Being Human and Adam Deacon from the British mini-series Dead Set which is right up there with Walking Dead for great zombie television as well as Alex Reid from Neil Marshall's the Descent.  Most of the actors and actresses in the film did a solid job at performing to the affect of the conditions. 
   The movie follows a group of young delinquent young boys stranded on a deserted island along with Jed their officer in charge.  The boys were sent to the island as part of  rehabilitation exercise following the suicide of one of their own.   The correctional institute felt the boys would benefit from having to rely on each other in a survival situation.  But the boys continue to fight and argue amongst themselves leaving Jed constantly in the middle.  Steve (Wight) and his crony Lewis (Neal) are in constant battle with the other boys all throughout the film and most definitely are created as the real villains from the get go.  
     As the film progresses the boys happen upon a group of young women also serving time on the island from the correctional institution unbeknownst to each other.   This creates its own set of problems since some of the boys are in the institution for sex offenses.  Then after exploring the island  a bit more Steve and Lewis discover an old man living in the ruins of an old building.  Later the old man is found dead and the new boy Callum (Kebell) is found with blood all over his hands.  Right away Callum is handcuffed and the situation having reached a chaotic atmosphere gets even further chaotic when Jed's phone goes missing.  After that the murders begin and no one has any clue who the murderer is or why.  After Jed is killed with three arrows to the chest both groups disband and scatter to different areas within the island searching for a way out.  The boys start to figure out what's going on when the killer reveals the name Davie carved into the corpses of some of the victims.  Davie was the name of the boy who took his own life only weeks before.  Davie's father, a special type of super soldier is after everyone of them especially Steve for murdering his son.  One by one the body count continues and continues as Davie's father dispatches his victims with a great bloody display of carnage.  Highly recommended.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Theatre of the Deranged II

Director(s) - James Cullen Bressack (Hate Crime), Shawn Burkett (Bludgeon), Eric Hollerbach (Damien Shadows PI), Christopher Leto (The Housewife Slasher), Dustin Mills (Easter Casket), and Shane Ryan (Amateur Porn Star Killer)
Starring - Eric Hollerbach, Olivia Blake (Rough Cut), and Jody Barton (Hate Crime)
Release Date - 2013
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Format - Streaming (Online Screener)

Rating (out of 5):
     I really enjoying watching anthology films.  I remember many movie nights where I sat down and watched multiple anthologies in one night because I wanted to watch as many movies as possible and that was the easiest way.  What else is an anthology but a series of small films wrapped inside one package? With that being said, I really hate writing fucking reviews for them because for the most part they really are a series of shorts by different directors.  It is a tedious task to make sure every segment gets the attention they deserve.  However, I think I have finally figured out the best way to do so and this will determine that or not.  So set back and let my words make love to your eye-vaginas!
    The film offers 5 short tales held together by paranormal investigator Damien Shadows.  After each tale Shadows educates the audience about the paranormal entity that each episode harbors.  The first tale, Tag (Ryan), tells the story of two sisters and the line of what the fuck is really going on gets blurred after just a few minutes in to it.  The second tale, Panty Raid (Burkett), follows a group of sorority girls who has a to deal with a pesky perv stealing their underwear.  However, this is not your typical college guy trying to have a little fun. This guy is looking for a particular style of panties and will kill to get them.  The third tale, Unmimely Demise (Bressack), follows a man and his son as they battle an evil mime that has a score to settle.  The man, who was once a mime, dressed up as a clown and fucked his wife.  The fourth tale, My Aunt is Coming to Town (Leto), follows a young girl who has fallen for a young guy but she is harboring a dark secret.  Every three months her "aunt" visits bringing with her a powerful bloodlust.  The fourth and final tale, PlateFace (Mills), follows a young man who is trying to squeeze his way in with a widow but starts to have a deadly obsession with her daughter.
     I have yet to see the first Theatre of the Deranged but I can almost bet that is is not as awesome as this one was. This anthology was fun as fuck and I have no idea where to start when reviewing it so I will discuss each tale separately.  The segments are tied together by host Damien Shadows who should really spread his wings and get his own damn movie.  I looked around and discovered he has his own web-series but I think a film starring him would be awesome.  The first tale, Tag, was the worst segment of the bunch.  This segment is no where on the same level as the other ones and really brought this movie down.  The acting is hard to judge due to the fact that the viewer has to read subtitles.  The story is weak and hard to follow.  The other segments are fun and carefree while this one makes no sense...or I am an idiot and completely missed it.  Finally, the special effects and on screen kills are no where to be found here.  However, there is a nude lady covered in blood.  Panty Raid, the second tale, was the perfect example of simple fun.  This segment showed that you don't need a complex story or plot twists to have a good time.  The acting is another one that is hard to judge by most of the cast.  Most of the cast is having pillow fights or riding the "vampire slayer" instead of having real conversations with other characters.  The only person that has to act instead of just having a good time is Scott Gillespie and he does a great job in his role.  The story feels like Slumber Party Massacre meets Revenge of the Nerds which are two movies that should collide and the fact no one thought of this until now shows that a lot of thought went in to this one.  Just like I said with Tag, this segment does skip on the special effects but offers up a small body count.  The third tale, Unmimely Demise, was my favorite of the film.  I love stupid, off the wall horror films and this one is one of the craziest I have ever saw.  Originality and chaos runs wild in this segment making one hell of a good time. The acting is not the best I have seen in an indie film but it is far from the worst.  The story is original and fun like I said earlier.  This is another shining example of how simple and silly can make one hell of a film.  This film offers up a lot of original and funny kills but no real special effects.  Oddly enough, that actually works on behalf of the story only making it stronger.  My Aunt is Coming to Town, the fourth tale, is another weak segment but is levels above Tag.  The film just feels longer than what it should be and the sections that are entertaining are over way too quick.  The acting is by far the best in the film and above most indie films.  Both leads did an amazing job portraying their characters and made them very believable.  The story is original but is delivered on film all wrong.  The entire anthology is filled with fun and quick witted horror films while this one begins as a romantic short before becoming the bloodiest segment on the film.  Sadly, the last section is the only part really entertaining.  The entire segment should have been like that or edited to be a lot shorter.  Finally, this one has some of the best, and bloodiest, special effects of the entire film.  I would have loved to see more of that through out this entire section.  PlateFace, the final actual segment, is bar far the most beautifully filmed segment of any film I have seen. Period.  The camera work and angles, when applied to the black and white footage, made this section nothing short of a work of art.  Even though the cast did not converse with one another there is still a great amount of acting by the cast.  They had to be dramatic in their movements to convey their actions reminiscent of films from the silent era.  The story is something told before but in a new light.  It was fun and entertaining to watch unfold on film.  Finally, just like the other segments, no real special effects or kills were offered in this one.  Overall, this anthology is fun as hell and offers up some originality covered in blood.  Watch this movie or die an excruciating death!

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Hate Crime

Director - James Cullen Bressack (My Pure Joy, Theatre of the Deranged)
Starring - Jody Barton (To Jennifer, Theatre of the Deranged II), Nicholas Clark (Treasure Chest of Horrors 2), and Greg Depetro (Ditch Day Massacre)
Release Date - 2013
Genre - Horror
Format - Streaming (Online Screener)

Rating (out of 5):
     When you write reviews it is always difficult to determine which film you want to review next.  Sometimes you see a film that you have never heard of before and you want to review it so other people can know about it.  However, sometimes as a reviewer you get a chance to review a film very few people have seen because it has not been released yet.  That brings me to James Cullen Bressack's Hate Crime.  I met Bressack through Concept Media's Shawn Burkett who informed me that he will have a section in the anthology film Theatre of the Deranged II.  I reached out to Bressack and he sent me numerous films to review and two of which have yet to be released with a third film that has yet to be released sent to me just today.  So I decided to review those three first so I could throw my two cents out there. 
     The film follows a Jewish family who just moved in to a new neighborhood.  As they celebrate their youngest boy's birthday they unexpectedly get uninvited guests. Three mask men break up the party and quickly shoot the birthday boy.  Madness then ensues as they beat and taunt the Jewish family before raping and killing the mother.  One of the men takes the teenage daughter up in to the bathroom to have his way with her but the tide changes.  The father is able to untie his rope and is able to kill the antisemitic peckerhead before helping her escape.  Sadly, his plans are thwarted and the neo-nazi scum get the upper hand and finish off the family.
     I am going to be completely honest and admit that I thought I would hate this movie when I first saw the poster for it.  It is so hard not to judge a book by it's cover.  After the first few minutes of the film I knew I would really enjoy it.  The film starts with the action and does not let up until the very end and I really enjoy that.  Most movies seem to drag out and are filled with what I call "filler" scenes and dialogue that are only in it to make it longer than a short.  Cinema fans will not find any of that in this one.  My only real complaint about this film is the found footage aspect.  I hate found footage and the difficulty the viewer faces when trying to follow the film.  I think a more professional approach to the camera work would have made a big difference.  The acting is so-so.  The three actors playing the racist fucks did a great job in their roles.  In fact, they made it very easy for the viewer to hate them.  However, the cast portraying the Jewish family did not do a very convincing job in their roles once they were under attack.  I personally did not feel any real distress from the family.  I think a lot more screaming, crying, and snot would be seen if this was an actual event.  The story is fucking phenomenal.  The point of this film is to be unnerving and make the viewer completely uncomfortable and that is exactly what this film does.  The film relies heavily on real world horror and it makes it even more traumatizing because it can happen to any of us regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, and financial standings.  With all that said, the film is really not that original but does add a real world twist on the home invasion sub-genre unlike the films Strangers and You're Next.  Random murders and killings do happen but are not that common, however, those fueled by closed minded hate happen all the time.  Finally, the few kills and special effects we do get are not that great.  I would have loved to see better kills but that could be said about a plethora of other films as well.  They would have made the film a lot stronger but does not really take away from the overall flick.  Overall, this film preys on human emotion and uses the everyday world to scare the shit out of you.  No age nor gender are exempt from the horrors of the real world and this film shows that.  I highly recommend it.   


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Driller: A Sexual Thriller

Director - Joyce James (Vamp, Desperately Sleazy Susan)
Starring - Mr. J, Taija Rae (Wet Dreams), and Dick Howard (Sinners)
Release Date - 1984
Genre - Horror/Erotic
Tagline(s) - "The notorious sex horror classic" "Zombies! Werewolves! Psychos! Pop Stars" "Enter the Horniest House of Horror Ever" and "There's a little bit of the beast in all of us..."
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):
       Me and my reviews are no stranger to erotic horror or horror porn.  I have reviewed a few porn parodies and to be honest I rather enjoy putting myself through the torture of watching them.  At least until the funny appeal wears off and I am stuck watching a horrible blood soaked porn. I just love to review and I really enjoy reviewing films a lot of people have yet to hear about.  Horror porn is the best sub-genre to find these particular films.  Most want to watch normal horror and avoid watching their favorite horror films receive the parody treatment.  As for this film here.  I received it in the package from Wild Eye Releasing and instantly knew it was a porn parody of little Mickey's video for Thriller.  I love MJ and his album Thriller is one of my favorite albums of all time.  I know most metal heads hate pop but MJ is the shit.  Anyway, after I watched a few filmsand decided to watch me some smut and threw this one it.
     This film follows Louise (Rae) who is obsessed with pop star Mr. J.  One night she goes home with her boyfriend and the two play a rousing game of hide the sausage. That night she is seduced by Mr. J and then she is whisked away to a castle where sex runs wild with orgies, glowing dildos, horny hunchbacks, and squirting ghouls.

   This horror porn is by far the best one I have seen yet. There was actually times where I laughed and was really interested in what was going on.  Unlike the other horror porn films I have seen that I hated once the shock wore off, this one actually was able to capture my attention and not give it up.  I am going to avoid discussing the acting in this one just like the other horror pornos I have reviewed in the past.  Sadly, the story will be discussed.  The first half of the film follows the Thriller theme perfectly.  It was entertaining and I had to watch where the film went next.  Unfortunately, the film goes sour the second half.  It abandons the entire Michael Jackson motif and turns in to an 80's gothic porno with a hunchback with bad acne.   Finally, those looking for kills and great special effects will not find it here.  However, if you're looking for some boobs and a slightly entertaining porn parody then you have it here.  I recommend it for at least one viewing just to say you have seen it.

Lords of Salem (A Review For People Who Can't Understand Hallucinations)


Lords of Salem (2013)
directed by :  Rob Zombie
starring:  Sheri Moon Zombie, Dee Wallace, Ken Foree, Bruce Davidson, Patricia Quinn, Maria Alonso, Meg Foster, Jeff Phillips, Judy Geeson, Sid Haig, Michael Berryman, Richard Fancy
Format:  PAL (2) Private Collection

    Lords of Salem received many bad reviews and online posts upon it's arrival to the select theatres and reviewers everywhere.  Perhaps this is why director Rob Zombie is choosing at the moment to not do horror films anymore.  Every movie he's made so far has received a large backlash of negativity with the possible exception of Devil's Rejects.  To my own admission I hated his version of Halloween that being said I am however a superfan of the Superbeast aka Robert Wolfgang Zombie.  House of 1,000
Corpses was no great flick but very enjoyable for me anyway as it was Rob's fledgling attempt at directing with both it's ups and downs.  Then came Devil's Rejects which in my opinion was leagues more talented cinematically, cgi blood notwithstanding.  I thought he would never make a film as great as Rejects.  I was wrong.  I cannot see the hate this film has produced.  Sure it's a bit arty, but the shots and camera work truly show that Zombie knows his medium.  Starring several of Zombie's regulars including Ken Foree and his own wife Sheri Moon Zombie who also has received an onslaught of negative feedback.  I mean Sheri is my no means an Audry Hepburn but she is also by no means bad in any way shape or form given the thousands of examples I've seen in my lifetime.  People have said she's the same character in every film.  Yeah no, not at all she played a hyper active psycho killer in one, a red neck half ass mother in another, and in this a radio personality with her fair share of emotional problems.  I don't know maybe it's the laugh or the fact that she's Zombie's wife and people think there's something wrong with that but I just don't see her as a "bad" actress.
      As I said this film got a limited release and before seeing it I was most upset by this since I couldn't see it on the big screen.  Then I saw it and figured out why within the first ten minutes.  It's nasty right down to licking a newborn baby's bloody head after birth and priests with their penises hanging out.  The ominous shots in this movie especially towards the end are in my opinion spectacular.  These hallucinogenic scenes which are seen throughout the film are what threw a lot of the haters out I'm sure. 
People for whatever reason don't either have the imagination or creative intelligence to understand that there are no rules during hallucinations brought on especially by possession. 
    The movie follows Heidi Hawthorne a popular radio personality along with Herman Jackson (Ken Foree) and Herman Salvador (Jeff Phillips) who do a show on the radio featuring very unique guests including Francis Matthias (Bruce Davison) who wrote a book about the Salem Witch trials.  While Francis is on the air Heidi plays a mysterious record sent to her by a group only known as, "The Lords".  This sinister little number by Zombie's own guitarist John 5 and Griffin Boice nails the musical aspect of the film.  It could not have been better written in my mind.  Every time the song is played on a record player the images in Heidi's mind begin and she sees the witches of Salem performing a ritual to bring about the birth of satan's child. 
     Margret Morgan the leader of the coven of witches is played by Meg Foster a terrifying character to say the very least.  Every time she hit the screen all I saw was the very definition of what a real evil witch would look and act like.  Heidi lives in a apartment building where three of the descendants of these witches live. 
One of whom is none other than Dee Wallace one of my favorite actresses of all time. These ladies go to great lengths to make sure Heidi is left alone to fulfill her tragic satanic destiny.  This whole film is very dark and some would say blasphemous, but as a Christian myself my only word for that is "duh" I mean it's about evil witches trying to end the world by bringing about the birth of satan's child.  Rob Zombie is one of the most artistically creative horror icons on the planet and this is thus far his cinematic masterpiece.  If you want a straight up Devil's Rejects style film then don't watch Lords of Salem you will hate it but I tell people all the time who hate shakey cameras to stop watching found footage films and they never listen.  Great movie.