Bikini Monsters

Director - Terence Muncy (Slice)
Starring - Sara Maas (Creative Cove), Ray Martinez (Question of Ethics), and Brad Guerrie (The Repo Man)
Release Date - 2010
Genre - Horror/Sci-Fi
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Bad movies usually come in three's for me.  When I get a movie in to review I usually find myself writing bad reviews in triplet but once that passes I usually get 4 or 5 great films to check out in and it is well worth the hassle.  Not long ago director Sean Donohue reached out to me with two films to review.  He will be releasing both films through his Gatorblade label and was wanting some reviews to check them out.  The first film I watched, Slice, was a big turd.  The film had a sexy fucking cast and a decent story but was unable to pull either of those together to make a film that is worth a damn.  The second, Bikini Monsters, sounded fun as hell and I couldn't wait to check it out.  Thanks Sean for hooking me up!

     The film follows a young female police detective who is called to the scene of a grisly murder at the beach.  She finds some clues and follows some leads where she comes across two scientists who are eager to help her solve the case.  The find a scale and are unable to determine what creature it came from and suspect it may be from deep within the ocean.  Soon, beautiful women turn up missing and men murdered.  It is a race against the clock to find the killer when they quickly learn that it is a mad scientist that is trying to create a mermaid out of women using a serum he has concocted.  They must stop him before he can ruin another beautiful woman's life.

     When I was first told of this film I had no idea what to expect.  I had not seen the artwork and only had the title to go by.  I assumed the film would take the Killer Condom and Killer Rack approach and feature an inanimate object killing people.  I was very, very wrong about that.  The acting in this one is similar to Slice.  The cast needed a lot of work and just did not feel genuine.  In fact, several scenes made it feel like the cast was bothered to be on set or that it was a chore that they were doing by force.  This created an awkward atmosphere to watch.  The cast really needed direction first and foremost.  The story for this one really had be for what it was.  The thought of a mad scientist turning beautiful women into bloodthirsty bastards of nature.  I loved that angle.  The film could have been the no budget equivalent to a Jim Wynorski flick but it failed to actually deliver on the sleaze and story.  The film moves so slow that I almost fell asleep several times.  A story with this much potential for cheese and sleaze should not be this boring.  Finally, those of you looking for some blood and gore will be very disappointed.  The film does have several kill scenes but the kills we do get are not that great.  They have some minor gore with some decent practical effects but they are easily forgettable.  A film following sexy creatures from the deep does not have the kills one would expect.  Overall, Bikini Monsters is a film with so much potential that falls flat.  The acting is dry and the kills are bland but the story could have been so much more.  Re-write this and send it to the king of sleaze, Jim Wynorski.  Lets get the film this story calls for.

Slice

Director - Terence Muncy (Bikini Muncy)
Starring - Brittany Jessee, Tara Farsnworth, and Brianna Cadwell
Release Date - 2012
Genre - Horror
Format - DVD (Personal  Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     I get asked to review horror flicks all the time.  Honestly, it is one of the greatest feelings in the world knowing that someone wants me to check out their hard work.  This has granted me several amazing opportunities over the years when my reviews were quoted on the DVD/blu cover or seeing my quotes on the poster for theatrical releases.  The downside to that is people ask me to check out their work and I just don't like it.  I like some pretty bad movies but some are just too bad for me to like.  A few days ago director Sean Donohue reached out to me to review two films that he will be distributing through his Gatorblade label.  The two films, Slice and Bikini Monsters, arrived at my doorstep just a few days later.  I tossed in Slice first and it was different for sure.  Thanks Sean for letting me check this one out.  

     The film follows a group of sexy women who dress up in slutty Halloween costumes and attend a party for some booze action.  Most of the girls are under the impression that there will be more people at the party but they soon learn that it is a small get together of women.  That does not stop them from getting liquored up and having a good time at the old, abandoned home that once belonged to one of the women.  A drunken night of female debauchery soon turns bloody when a masked man shows up and starts killing these beautiful women in the most gruesome ways imaginable.  Soon, the surviving ladies learn the masked maniacs true identity and his connection to one of the women.

     I have seen thousands upon thousands of horror films over the years and reviewed several hundred since joining Horror Society so I have learned a thing or two about figuring out a film before seeing it.  Slice looked like a good, ol' fashioned slasher flick in the lines of the classic late 70s and early 80s slashers that I grew up on.  However, Slice is a different beast altogether and not one I would actually call good.  The acting in this one is very rough and almost laughable.  The cast just spit out their dialogue with no conviction.  They show no emotion and just say their lines in the same manner one would talk to a relative on the phone that just can't get the hint that you don't want to talk to them.  You say what you have to say in a dry, bland manner and hope they pick up on your tone.  That was the acting in this one.  With all that being said, these girls are fucking hot.  When I say hot I don't mean hot like that girl you went to high school with and would tug on your bird in your bedroom before bed.  These women are porn star hot.  The story for this one is Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets the Scream twist.  We get a little less than a dozen super sexy women in a house full or booze while a masked man kills, mutilates, and so forth their bodies before turning incestuous.  We then get the Scream "I was part of the killing" twist that honestly caught me off guard but after the film was done it completely made sense.  I liked that.  Sadly, the execution of the story was all off.  The film was painfully slow and had zero character buildup.  The only thing it really had going for it was the fact that the girls were hot.  Had I mentioned that before?  Finally, the film does have several in screen kills and tons of gore but the kills were pretty weak and the gore was done in almost a comical way which really took away from the overall kill.  The practical effects were solid but the execution of the kills were all wrong.  Overall, Slice is a film that has it all; hot babes, blood, and a good story.  However, it was unable to make anything watchable out of that combination.  The film does deserve a watch but make sure you have the tissue and lotion ready.  

Fester

Director - Emir Skalonja (The Butcher)
Starring - Robert Bozek (Killer Rack), Edward Brown, and Tyler Cherry
Release Date - 2015
Genre - Horror
Format - Streaming (Online screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Killer rabbits.  I have said this time and time again.  We need more horror films with killer rabbits.  We have Night of the Lepus, Peter Rottontail, Kottontail, Easter Casket, and that's about it.  I don't know why we don't have more horror flicks centered around killer rabbits or Easter bunnies.  Hell, we have dozen of horror flicks with killer Santas that are just as effective as any other slasher.  A few weeks ago I came across the Facebook page for the film Fester.  The poster clearly showed a killer rabbit so I was immediately hooked.  I reached out to the page and they were kind enough to hook me up with a link to the online screener.  Thanks Emir for hooking me up!

     The film begins with a little boy who lives with his mother and alcoholic father that looks like Rob Zombie.  The boy is constantly bullied at school and his father ridicules him for it.  One day his father is good and drunk and makes fun of him for getting picked on at school.  The boy snaps and stabs his father in the hand with a fork.  He goes to beat his son for stabbing him and his mother steps in which invokes his wrath.  He beats the shit out the boy's mom while his son watches.  The son has had enough and kills the father before running off.  We then jump 15 years and a young couple is going camping in the woods near the little boy's home.  They do the traditional camping things like collecting firewood and fucking in their tent when they meet another couple who just happen to wondering through the woods.  They talk for a bit before revealing their true nature.  The couple is actually a pair of serial killers who just found their next victims.  However, what they did not count on is that the little boy that kills his dad is now all grown up and slaughtering anyone foolish enough to enter his woods.  

     I went into Fester blind.  I found the Facebook page for the film and did not really look into the movie much.  I was intrigued by the film's killer wearing a bunny mask so that was enough for me.  The film actually played out like a solid don't go in the woods slasher.  The acting in this one is far from perfect but was far from being bad.  The cast showed a lot of dedication and heart which really showed in each scene.  I just feel that they should have rehearsed a little more and work on their expressions.  In several scenes it felt like the cast was just trying a little too hard which did not make the film feel genuine.  The story for this one is one we have seen several times before but does work its way into the Easter season.  The slasher following someone wronged in one way or another stalking and killing people in the woods has been done hundreds if not thousands of times.  Hell, we have Friday the 13th, The Forest, Sleepaway Camp, and on and on and on.  What sets this one apart from the others is the killer has adopted the rabbit moniker and kills which makes this film one of the few horror films that fans can watch on Easter Sunday.  Also, the film has a double killer angle going that was very unique among the slasher in the wood type films.  Made this film feel like a double sided blade.  Finally, the film has several on screen kills that are somewhat bloody but not that memorable.  The kills are generic with some involving several camera cuts and tricks to make them work which takes the kill itself away from the viewer.  The effects we get are decent for what they are but one would expect more coming from a slasher considering how rich of a history the sub-genre has.  Overall, Fester is not the film I was expecting but one the indie horror community deserves.  It has a great story and can easily be added to your Easter Sunday horror film block.  Check it out!

     

The Butcher

Director - Emir Skalonja (Fester)
Starring - Sean Patrick Saramak, Kay Baun, and Sam Jindra
Release Date - 2016
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "You are whats on the menu"
Format - Streaming (Online Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Horror has and always will be the love of my life. I love my wife and children to no end but horror has consumed me for so long.  I honestly couldn't image my life without this obsession.  With that being said, some horror flicks just don't sit well with me.  I'm more of a story and execution kind of guy while others want blood and guts for the sake of having blood and guts.  Sometime ago I came across the Facebook page for the indie horror flick Fester which was directed by Emir Skalonja.  I reached out to them and they were kind enough to hit me up with a link to the online screener.  Sadly, as most of you know, I have been battling my internet provider due to poor data speeds and can not stream anything until just this last week.  Before I checked out Fester I went ahead and watched Emir's newest film The Butcher.  Thanks for sending these my way Emir!

     The film follows a deranged man known as The Butcher who has a hatred towards women due to his harsh upbringing.  He kidnaps women and tortures them over a period of several days before finally killing them and eating their bodies.  He comes across a woman who is new to dating along with some other women and abducts them before taking them back to his torture room where he puts them through hell.  

     
     I was worried that this film would be just another torture porn flick that would be boring as fuck and full of gore.  I love gore but I need more than that in a movie.  I was lucky and the film actually gave us a story.  One we have seen before but a story non-the-less.  The acting in this one is solid by a cast with no on screen experience.  The cast has no other credits under their name on imdb which is surprising considering how well this film was acted.  The cast had some great direction and delivered some solid performances.  I was really impressed by Sean Patrick Saramak who gave us a ruthless killer with personality.  Typically, a killer on screen behind a mask is emotionless and faceless but The Butcher has personality which makes this one stand out.  The story for this one is one we have seen before.  The killer has a female complex similar to American Psycho but guts and kills women in a Leatherface fashion.  The combination of the two really gives the viewer something fun to watch as a complex killer does his thing.  With that being said, the film does get a bit monotonous giving us the same thing over and over.  Finally, those of you looking for blood and gore shall look no further because this film throws it at you by the truckloads.  The kills are brutal and ruthless and the effects are top notch.  I was impressed by how awesome the effects really were for a no budget film.  Overall, The Butcher is a gore freaks best friend.  It has a memorable killer and some juicy kills.  The film is far from perfect but still delivers.  Check this one out!

     

Shock 'Em Dead

Director - Mark Freed (Lovers and Liars)

Starring - Traci Lords (Blade, Zack and Miri Make a Porno), Stephen Quadros (Murder, She Wrote), and Laurel Wiley (Dark Shadows)

Release Date - 1991

Genre - Horror

Tagline - "For the girl of his dreams, he'd make a deal with the devil"

Format - Bluray (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     I love writing reviews.  I honestly do but my life is getting away from me so my reviews have been slacking as of late.  The company I work for was recently sold and a bigger corporation took over resulting in me having to spend most of my days getting yelled at by customers who are pissed at the switch even though it means they get better service in the end.  On top of that I have two beautiful kids that have been neglected by me.  Makes me feel bad but I have been putting my reviews before them.  That has changed and I now put my kids first.  I have set up office time so I can work on my reviews and other posts for Horror Society.  The first film that I was able to review during this new schedule was the 1991 rock n' roll horror flick Shock 'Em Dead.  This was the blu release that was sent my way from Olive Films.  Thanks guys for sending this one my way!

     The film follows the nerdy Martin who works as a pizza boy by day and aspiring musician by night.  He gets a call while he is at work about a local band in need of a guitarist.  His boss refuses to let him leave and he quits.  He goes to the audition and fails miserably and is forced to go back and beg for his old job.  Jobless and facing eviction, he comes across an old lady that is known around town for being crazy.  She knows voodoo and offers to make Martin's dreams come true for a small price.  Martin accepts and is immediately stabbed in the heart.  Martin awakens with a whole new look, living with three beautiful women, and can burn up a guitar.  He goes back to the band and auditions where he completely blows them away.  They bring him on and friction between him and the lead singer surfaces.  Martin also learns that he has to kill and eat the souls of his victim in order to survive.  Soon his new bandmates are on to him when Martin falls for their manager/girlfriend of the bass player.  It becomes a game of cat and mouse as Martin tries to get the girl before his band can stop him.

     Metal and rock n' roll needs to find itself into the story of horror films more often.  Sure, most horror movies feature metal in the soundtrack but just a few dozen feature the musical style as an essential aspect of the plot.  I was pretty fucking excited to check out Shock 'Em Dead for that very reason.  Especially after watching the kickass horror comedy Hairmetal Shotgun Zombie Massacre.  The film was fun but did not live up to my expectations.  The acting in this one is mediocre at best.  The cast just feels weird to watch and honestly are not that very convincing.  Traci Lords was awesome to look at.  I've had a huge crush on her ever since before I even knew what boys and girls did behind closed doors.  Pretty sure she is the reason my right arm is slightly bigger than the left.  The story for this one is one we have seen so many times before especially in 80s horror.  The film follows someone down and out who sell their soul to the devil for that only to have it all taken away.  Pretty straight forward in that aspect.  However, the addition of metal to the story really made it fun and appealing to the horror fans that have a soft spot for glam/hair metal.  That was great and made it feel almost original.  Finally, the film does feature several on screen kills but they are nothing that impressive or memorable.  The film does not really have any blood and most of the kills are quick and then are cut away preventing the viewer from seeing some blood and gore.  The practical effects are minimal but decent for what we get and the film has several scenes full of visual effects that are very dated and not that impressive considering the time.  Overall, Shock 'Em Dead is a fun early 90's horror film that rides the coat-tails of popular rock bands like Guns N' Roses and the like.  The film is decent but easily forgettable.  I recommend this one but remember it is far from perfect.