Lunch Ladies

Director - J. M. Logan (Family, The Garage Sale)
Starring - Donna Pieroni (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Married with Children), Mary Manofsky (Future Man, Saved by the Bell: The New Class), and Chris Fickley (Hamlet's Ghost, La Mesa)
Release Date - 2017
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "What would Johnny do"
Format - Streaming (Online Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     It's been awhile since I've watched a good short.  I've seen several awesome movies lately but that winning streak ended with The Night Shift which was a huge let down.  I needed something to get me back in the groove when I crossed paths with the Facebook page for the horror comedy Lunch Ladies.  This looked like just the film I needed to wash the bad taste of The Night Shift out of my mouth.  I reached out to the page where I met writer and producer Clarissa Jacobson.  This hardworking and dedicated young woman was kind enough to let Horror Society and myself check out this amazing short.  Thank you Clarissa!

     The film follows sisters Seretta (Pieroni) and LouAnne (Manofsky) who are down on their luck school lunch ladies who just won a contest hosted by Johnny Depp.  As they prepare for their trip to the event they are struck with more misfortune when the principal threatens to let them go if they can't provide a tasty school lunch.  Their string of bad luck finds Seretta in the restroom when she is confronted by a bitchy cheerleader and she snaps.  She kills her and decide to use her body as an ingredient in tomorrow school lunch...which was a hit among the students and faculty.

      Lunch Ladies is one of those films where you know you are going to enjoy yourself.  The trailer and posters for the film just capture what the film is perfectly and is a great representation of what the viewer is about to watch.  The acting in this is phenomenal.  We are only in January but I can see this short holding my vote for best acted film for the year.  The characters are beautifully written and Pieroni and Manofsky does an amazing job at bringing the sisters to life.  They are colorful at times and, much like an animal backed in a corner, they can be deadly if need be to survive.  The supporting cast is perfect as well but the film's focus is on these lovely ladies and they absolutely nail their performance.  The story for this one is simple but the film adds more to it than just the story.  The lunch ladies killing and feeding students to other students is almost a parody of Sweeney Todd.  This is known throughout the film and even acknowledged at one point which was fantastic.  The film has light humor scattered throughout that really makes this bloody short stand out.  The film also tosses in aspects from other films that would be associated with Johnny Depp.  For one, the film is full if beautiful shots.  The cinematography is beautiful and reminds me a lot of some of the films of John Waters mixed with the early films of the Coen Brothers.  Depp and Waters collaborated on the film Crybaby together so this is only fitting.  The characters and score reminds me a lot of the early works of Tim Burton which is another frequent collaborator of Depp's.  The love for Depp runs deep in this short and that really adds to the charm.  Finally, the film gets gruesome in the final moments.  We have one kill and it takes place off screen but the film makes up for it by allowing the viewer watch as the cooks dismember the body.  The practical effects look amazing and incorporating real meat in the preparation of the school lunch made it cringe worthy.  Overall, Lunch Ladies is a mother fucking masterpiece.  This being a short is a crime against humanity and a feature needs to be made. This short is fucking perfect and the world needs more.  

The Witch (2016)

The Witch (2016)
directed by:  Robert Eggers
starring:  Anya Taylor-Joy, Ralph Ineson, Kate Dickie, Harvey Scrimshaw, Ellie Grainger, Lucas Dawson, Bathsheba Garnett, Sarah Stephens
format:  Movie Theatre

6?

(out of 5)

 

The Movie:  Wasn't sure how I would enjoy the Witch when I went to the theatre to see it.  Period films are hard and most of the time nowadays you get a fair attempt but 90% of the time the wardrobe and dialogue is all wrong and in turn in my opinion just takes away from the film.  Not the case with the Witch.  The masses seemed to not get it which is predicable.  A movie like this isn't for everyone, it's original, classy, well written, and not full of tits, explosions, and beautiful well known actors.  People complain about remakes, cgi-overdone movies, PG-13 nightmares, etc. yet when a true horror film like this one comes out no one really goes to see it, masses wise.  The horror community seemed to love it.  For the most part, still a lot of people who need their dicks hard and eyes wowed to enjoy a movie but I think a lot of my fellow horror addicts at least "appreciated" the film for what it was, as a friend in the indie business told me.  I will also add that this movie was the worst theatre experience of my entire life.  A couple blathered the whole way through the movie after coming in almost 30 minutes in...missing the key scene during the first act which sets up the movie, and then yelling, "That's it!?" when the movie was over...all of this and I still very much enjoyed the experience of this movie.  So much so I was able to block them out, even when they got louder as the film got louder.
The Acting:  Just plain frickkn superb.  The dialect the children and adults used must have taken a long time to use and all of them were flawless.  Am I not used to the language and therefore a poor judge of it...maybe but at no point did I, like in many period films, roll my eyes because of the poor attempt at the dialect.  Case in point Keanu Reeves, Bram Stoker's Dracula.  Harvey Scrimshaw for me was the shining star.  That boy did well.

The Gore/Fx:  Very real, and while there isn't a lot thrown around for a gorehound the movie definitely has it's fair share of the red stuff.  The Witch herself was just frightening...and naked.  A small scene of obvious poor cgi but it gets a pass from me since there were no other noticeable cgi effects throughout the film.  Very old school.
The Script:  Best part of the film.  Original and again the dialogue and dialect used was just amazing.  To throw the basic set up without spoiling anything we have William and his family who set up their farm away from the plantation where the rest of the English settlers have staked claim.  William has differences with the council and opts to leave and live elsewhere instead of being shamed and kicked out.  Of course unknown to William he sets up his family in the territory of a witch, a very nasty witch and you can take it from there.  The family dynamic is riveting here.  Pretty soon the whole family including the young children begin to blame one another for being in league with or being a witch themselves.  Loved this aspect of the film. 

The Shots:  The sets and shots used in this film were so on point I felt like I was watching a Hammer film.  Most period films nowadays just flub the whole look.  Either go 100% or don't bother making a period film.  The angles during the Witch scenes created enough fear and tension to make me jump and ultimately creeped out.  If you need jump scares (which I don't hate as much as some viewers) you probably won't like this kind of movie.  The writing, shooting, and lighting sell the fear here.
The Score/Music:  Great collection of sounds and score.  No complaints. 
The Rating:  This one's off my chart.  5 for sure wish I could go 6.  Lastly if you are a mass viewer and cannot appreciate period films or slow story building films please don't bother you won't get it.  If that insults you don't bother either.



The Lamb

Director - Shawn Burkett (The Sleeping Soul, Bludgeon)
Starring - Payton Krebs (Season's Greeting), Ayse Howard (The Sleeping Soul), and Scott Gillespie (Bludgeon)
Release Date - 2016
Genre - Horror
Format - Streaming (online screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Concept Media is no stranger to my reviews.  I was brought on to Horror Society in January 2013 and not long after than I came in contact with Shawn Burkett who founded Concept Media.  Since then I have reviewed all their releases starting with Bludgeon and soon after The Sleeping Soul, Midsummer Nightmares, A Shameless Revenge, Watch This!, and all their shorts.  Then Concept Media announced Stag and Don't Fuck in the Woods.  Shawn and crew tried several times to film DFitW but something happened which resulted in no new material from CM for awhile until late last year when they released a new anthology film Season's Greetings and the new short, The Lamb.  Shawn was kind enough to send me over a link to the online screener.  Thanks Shawn and fuck you!

     The story follows a beautiful young woman who wakes up in the woods covered in blood with no memory as to how she got there.  She soon finds herself in the interrogation room where she is being questioned in regards to her roommates murder.  She is acting strange while answering the questions and goes as far as bouncing her head off the table making herself bleed.  She then starts revealing the circumstances that lead to her finding herself in the woods covered in blood.  These revelations send the detective into the world of the occult and rituals that he will never be able to escape with his life.

     Concept Media is one of the few indie production companies that has style.  Their films are always smoothly edited, polished, and appear bigger than they are.  I knew The Lamb would be no exception.  I was also told that The Lamb would be a different kind of film than what I had been accustomed to with CM.  The acting in this one is great which is typical of a CM flick.  Payton Krebs is a beautiful and talented young woman who was great as the unstable young woman that has fallen victim to a dangerous cult.  This is the second film I have seen her in and I can't wait to see her in more (did that sound creep?).  Scott Gillespie once again shows why Burkett continues to cast him in his films.  He is a powerful actor and always delivers his lines with intensity.  The story for this one is not something new to horror but that doesn't make it any less entertaining.  The Lamb slowly drags out the story while only hinting at the cult angle until the very end.  This made the film fun and suspenseful.  Finally, this short does have an on screen kill but it is nothing that stands out or delivers the gore.  The film made me think it was going to be full of fun kills in the name of religion but it did not.  The one kill we do get is very well done and shows some decent practical effects.  Overall, The Lamb is one short that packs a punch.  The short has some great atmosphere and one hell of an ending.  We need more films like this in the indie horror scene.