Space Zombie Bingo!!!

Director - George Ormrod
Starring - William Darkow (The Grand Duke), Ramona Provost, and Hugh Crawford
Release Date - 1993
Genre - Horror/Sci-Fi
Tagline - "Lifes a beach...even in space"

Rating (out of 5):

     Never heard of this flick till I purchased the Toxie's Top Ten box set sold by Troma Entertainment.  Those of you that know about Troma or have read my posts before know that Troma tend to produce films that are low to no budget.  I purchased this box set for two reasons: the first is to collect all films made by Troma and the second was to watch the movie Curse of the Cannibal Confederates.  Well I saw this one in there and had to watch it first just from reading the title and seeing the cover art.  I knew it would be bad but how bad could it be?

      Trying to describe this plot is going to be difficult to convey just how insane this movie actually is.  Earth has been invaded by aliens.  The aliens dig up corpses and make them hunt the living.  The movie does not explain how they do it so let your imagination run wild with that one.  Anyway,  The American government fight back by sending Major Kent Bendover in to space to fight off the alien menace.  Unfortunately, Major Bendover is shot down and returns to Earth.  Through random gun/laser battles between the "earthlings" and aliens and some random scientific experiments in labs a super weapon is made to kill the aliens and reclaim Earth for the human race.

       This movie made me laugh more than a few times but that does not make it a good movie.  As you gathered from the title this is not one of those films you can take seriously.  It is a spoof of genre films from the 50's and 60's like The Blob and Plan 9 from Outer Space.  It does do a good job parodying those films but that is the downfall for the film as well.  The parody never ends and the film never lets up with the spoof.  This makes the movie seem almost forced with humor.  The off the wall plot, acting, and effects are all shitty but that adds charm to the film and make it entertaining in a "so bad it's good."  I enjoyed this movie somewhat but I definitely recommend watching something else if your in the mood to watch a flick  

   

FDR American Badass

Director - Garrett Brawith (Poolboy: Drowning the Fury)
Starring - Barry Bostwick (The Rocky Horror Picture Show), Lin Shaye (Chillerama, Detroit Rock City), and Bruce McGill (The Legend of Bagger Vance)
Release Date - 2012
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "What has two wheels and kills werewolves?...this guy"

Rating (out of 5):

     I found this movie one day while checking out trailers on youtube.  I find a lot of movies that way.  I was checking out clips from Dear God No! when I found it.  The second I saw it I was hellbent on watching it.  I waited patiently and creeped amazon till it was released until I was able to order it.  Then after I ordered it I couldn't wait till it arrived so I downloaded it to watch till the dvd arrived.

       This movie follows the real life exploits of FDR as he battles werewolves from the Axis Powers.  That is historically accurate and if you want to argue about it then your a bitch.  Anyway, FDR is out hunting with some fellow friends and politicians when they are attacked by a werewolf.  The werewolf killed a few members of the hunting party before FDR is able to blast it away.  Unfortunately FDR is bit on the leg before he shoots him.  FDR awakens in the hospital and the doctor informs him that those bitten by a werewolf get "the polio" in the area they are bitten in.  This forces FDR to remain in a wheelchair the remainder of his life.  Due to the attack being published in the newspaper the American public want FDR to run for president against Woodrow Wilson.  FDR does just that and goes on a countrywide tour to promote his candidacy.  Along the way he meets many people he becomes acquaintances with who he will later call on when America enters WWII.  Once the U.S. enters the war FDR flies a plane over seas to destroy the Axis Powers...and the rest is history.

     I absolutely loved this movie.  I honestly laughed from beginning to end and some of the lines from the film I have been repeating ever since I first watched it.  The night I first watched it I also watched it two more times after.  It is honestly one of the funniest movies I have ever seen.  The horror is pretty much non-existent in this one.  The story is completely absurd but as you gathered from the title this is the kind of flick you don't watch for the story.  The acting is top notch with some of the stars having an incredible list of films under their belt.  There is even a cameo by Kevin Sorbo as Abe Lincoln.  If you don't know who Kevin Sorbo is then fuck you.  The effects are pretty lame which is my biggest gripe about the movie.  The werewolves look stupid but the film definitely makes up for that.  Watch it or you will regret it.          

100 Tears

Director - Marcus Koch (Rot)
Starring - Jack Amos (The Uh-oh Show), Raine Brown (Don't Look in the Basement), and Joe Davison (Experiment 7)
Release Date - 2007
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "Everyone loathes a clown"

Rating (out of 5) with the shitty music:

Rating (out of 5) if they take the shitty music out:

     This movie was making a lot of buzz among horror sights and forums a few years back.  The movie, from what I seen, had mixed reviews among horror fans.  The likes and dislikes were at complete extremes.  People really loved the movie or just utterly hated it.  That made me avoid it because I am sick of mediocre flicks that are being produced by the bulk.  I finally sat down and watched it after reading a review online and it sparked an interest. So I caved in and gave it a try. 

     This flick follows two tabloid reporters who want to break away from the alien abortion stories and focus on real crimes.  They focus all their attention on a series of mass murders committed by a clown that are dubbed the "100 tears murders."  The killer, Gurdy the circus clown, was wrongly convicted of rape and returned to settle the score for those that falsely accused him.  While investigating the story the two tabloid reports come in contact with a carnie that fills them in on the story behind Gurdy and why he kills.  Gurdy, being the sick sumbitch he is, knows that the small carnie told them about him and pays him a little visit.  It is here that the carnie gives Gurdy a paper with something unknown written on it.  It is then revealed that Gurdy has a daughter and evil runs in the family.

        I liked this movie...for the most part.  The kills are insane and the killer is probably the most brutal killer I have ever seen in a film.  When it comes to the brutality of the kills I honestly think he gives Jason Vorhees a run for his money.  Unfortunately the story is kind of weak and the music during the kill scenes almost ruins it for me.  There is this fast paced trance/techno bullshit playing which is really annoying when your trying to focus on this film.  To be honest it is this fact alone I gave the film a 2.5 instead of higher.  The music is so horrendous that it kills the horror atmosphere of the film and adds the feel of a European porn or snuff flick.  If  you can get passed the crappy music then give this one a try.    

Zombie Babies

Director - Eamon Hardiman (Porkchop)
Starring - Shawn C. Phillips (youtube's coolduder and Porkchop II), Brian Gunnoe (Porkchop), and Rob Cobb (Porkchop)
Release Date - 2011
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "What's grosser than a pile of dead babies?"

Rating (out of 5): with audio problems

Rating (Out of 5): Once audio problems is fixed

     After watching Porkchop and really enjoying it I looked up the director Eamon Hardiman to see if he had made any other films.  I found out that he releases films under Razor Sharp Studios and has done so for years.  I  also found out he has released a number of films to date and some have an impressive cast of b-grade horror actors and actresses.  Among the list of his films I found this one.  I was pretty excited to see this one.  After watching the trailer and reading synopsis I knew this movie would be a very fun watch and filled with a lot of laughs.

     This film follows Burt Flemming, the owner of a hotel casino, as he does illegal abortions in the basement of his establishment.  Due to abortions being legal now he is starting to lose a lot of business to certified doctors and needs to think of ways to bring the customers in.  Burt, being the evil genius he is, decides to host an abort-a-thon where expecting parents can come and have their unplanned pregnancies sucked out and then relax in a care free environment.  A few couples decide that is exactly what they need and venture off to see 'ol Burt.  Burt aborts the babies and piles the remains in the basement next to his moonshine still.  However, his still busts and the moonshine spills onto the pile of dead babies which re-animates them. The babies then set out to seek revenge and punish those would be mothers that gave them up.

     I guess after watching Porkchop this movie has a lot to live up to and for the most part it did just that.  The story is extremely absurd but that is why the movie is so appealing.  The movie does deliver what I was hoping for but it has major flaws that makes it almost unbearable to watch.  The audio is all out of whack with this flick.  Some points in the movie the audio does not sync up with the mouth movement at all and at other points the audio cuts completely out for a split second.  There is another problem with the audio as well, at times the background music gets a little cocky and steals the show by drowning out the cast.   The acting in this film is decent at times while at others I kind of feel embarrassed for them.  Overall the movie itself is extremely good but the audio and random spurts of bad acting makes this movie receive a 2.5 rating instead of higher.  The director is trying to rally enough money to remake it the way he wanted to the first time around and I sincerely hopes he does because that will be a great film.   Watch it if you want or just wait for the remake...your choice.          

Die-ner (Get It?)

Director - Patrick Horvath (Entrance)

Starring - Joshua Grote (Pretty Dead), Parker Quinn (Accepted), and Liesel Kopp (Revenant)

Release Date - (2009)

Genre - Horror

Tagline - "Pulp Fiction meets Zombieland"

Rating (out of 5):

     I try to review a lot of movies that I think a lot of people have not heard about or have forgotten about seeing all those years ago.  Outside of the movies I review I still watch other more bigger budgeted films.  However, I am still drawn to the low budget horror flicks that I have never heard about.  I often enjoy these type of flicks the most.  The mystery of not knowing what the film is about mixed with the horrible acting and special effects really entertain me and even if the movie is horrible it is still entertaining to watch if only to laugh at.  This flick had potential to go either way but I am glad it chose the way it went.  

     Ken has a big problem on his hands.  Ken is a serial killer and all his victims are returning to life.  They are returning as the undead hungry for flesh.  While visiting a rest stop he decided to off the waitress and cook.  Unfortunate for him those two return to life and attempt to consume his flesh.  To make matters worse a bickering couple and the local police stop in for some grub and coffee.  Ken is able to play it off like he is a new waiter until the officer is bitten and the group have to fight off the undead.  During the zombie crisis Ken takes the couple and cop hostage while he tries to provide the undead with a real death.  Eventually the couple break free from their captor and make a run for it.  Unfornately the young man is bitten and turns into the undead leaving his lady to fight off the undead all by herself.

     I honestly sat down to watch this expecting a load of shit and was pleasantly surprised from what I saw.  The movie was actually very entertaining.  The story, though not groundbreaking, is very different from the new shitstorm of zombie movies to be pumped out by "groundbreaking" new directors.  A majority of those flicks are pure shit and nothing more.  However, this one is just a good movie that is fun to watch.  Ken the serial killer is a solid character that steals every single scene he is in.  He is a charismatic killer that is unintentionally funny.  The acting by the rest of cast is just as well done.  The effects for this one is lacking though.  This is my only complaint about the entire film.  The zombies look like they need some sun and a good nap.  They are just extremely pale with black around their eyes.  I highly recommend this low budget gem to anyone wanting to a good horror flick and have a few good laughs.        

Adam Chaplin

Director - Emanuele De Santi
Starring - Emanuele De Santi, Giulio De Santi (Taeter City), and Christian Riva
Release Date - 2011
Genre - Horror/Sci-Fi
Tagline - "Nothing can prepare you for this extreme fight"

Rating (out of 5):

     Have you ever saw a random movie that you have never heard of before and after reading the back of the case you want nothing more than watch that movie even if it kills ya?  Well meet Adam Chaplin.  Was watching videos on youtube about horror junkies showing off all the movies they had recently purchased when one mentioned he had purchased this.  The name really intrigued me.  A horror movie simply called "Adam Chaplin" almost seems weird to me, but regardless I did a little research and found a few trailers and clips from the movie.  The second I saw these I had to watch it regardless of how much it is.  Unfortunate for me the movie is Italian and has not been released worldwide yet.  I was able to find it online to watch until it is released stateside.  This movie also features a new technique in film making created by the director and star Emanuele De Santi.  It is called H.A.B.S. which stands for hyperrealistic anime blood simulation.

     The film follows Adam, a man whose wife is murdered by a crime lord.  He turns to a demon to exact his revenge.  The demon lives behind his right soldier and grants him superhuman strength and speed.  Adam must fight his way through the police force of the fictitious Heaven Valley and goons that are both on the payroll of the crime boss.  The crime boss is a horribly disfigured man whose appearance is a result of a dog attack he suffered as a child.  He uses chemicals provided by the military to make it through the day due to unspeakable pain he suffers as a result of the attack.  After gallons of blood and countless battered bodies, Adam comes face to face with the crime boss in a memorable showdown.

     I absolutely loved this movie.  It is not your typical horror movie in the least.  The entire point of the horror movie is to scare the viewer.  This one does not even attempt to do that.  Instead you are bombarded with so much blood and gore your utterly disgusted...unless you have watched horror movies nonstop for years and have become desensitized by it.  The movie has the look and feel of a Japanese splatter flick.  The acting is extremely over dramatic and the effects are very cartoony but I think that was the style they were going for.  Do not watch this movie with the conception that you are watching a serious horror movie because you will be highly unsatisfied.  This movie is completely over the top and completely unrealistic which, mixed with the blood and effects, makes a very fun movie.  I highly recommend this splatterfest.       

Easter Bunny Kill Kill

Director - Chad Ferrin (Someone's Knocking at the Door)
Starring - Timothy Muskatell (Silent Night, Zombie Night), Ricardo Gray (Chop), and Charlotte Marie (Succubus: Hell-Bent)
Release Date - 2006
Genre - Horror/Exploitation
Tagline - "This year, there will be no resurrection"

Rating (out of 5)

     This is one of those movies that no one likes except for a select few that have no morals and tend to enjoy cheap, sleazy entertainment.  I am a member of multiple horror forums and I read a lot of articles online written by other horror hounds and I had never heard anything about this flick on any of those sites.  It was not until I was at a restaurant, of all places, that I overheard a young boy telling his friends about it.  Once I got home I looked around online and found it.  For the most part people tended to hate it but from reading the synopsis I had to give it a try.

     The film follows a "special" boy and his single mother as they go about their day-to-day lives...that is until she begins dating a sleazy killer who is trying to force his way into her home and take over.  One day while taking out the trash the special boy, Nicholas (Gray), meets a homeless man who gives him a bunny.  Nicholas, who is obsessed with Easter because that is the day his father "left," becomes fixated with the bunny and keeps him hidden in his room so his mother does not find it.  One day Mindy (Marie), Nicholas' mother, is called in to work a double shift and Rem (Muskatell), Mindy's boyfriend, volunteers to watch him so she can work.  While Mindy is away, Rem walks in on Nicholas playing with his pecker and petting the bunny.  Rem then blackmails Nicholas into letting him throw a party in the house while his mother is away.  Rem then calls a pedophile to come over to "play" with Nicholas if the price is right.  Rem then uses that money to buy drugs and hookers to take back to his party.  While picking up his wiener warmers, two Mexican workers that he had insulted earlier break into the house to steal tools that belong to them.  However, once inside the house they both are murdered along with the pedophile by someone wearing a bunny mask.  Once Rem and the hookers arrive back at the house the girls die one by one.  Rem then gets his throat cut and the killer is revealed...and it is not Nicholas.
     I really liked this movie after the first 30 minutes.  However the first 30 minutes is almost too painful to watch.  The scenes with Nicholas is really uncomfortable to sit through.  Like we learned in Tropic Thunder one should never go full retard in a film.  However the actor portraying Nicholas never had a chance to watch that film before portraying Nicholas and does just that.  It would be different if the scenes with him were at least funny but they are not.  You get that feeling inside like when your in public and someone with down syndrome walks by and you want to laugh but don't.  You want to laugh, not because they have down syndrome, but because they sometimes say and do things that are funny and you expect it.  The acting is actually pretty decent and the character of Rem is outstanding and perfectly done.  You really hate the character by the end of the movie which is what is intended.  The special effects are what you would expect with a movie of this budget.  Nothing special like you would find in a Savini flick.  The revealing of the killer is not what I was expecting because the film points fingers at Nicholas the whole time the murders are taking place.  This movie is very entertaining...after the first 30 minutes.  If those 30 minutes did not set up the story I would tell you to fast forward but you may miss out.  I definitely recommend this one so check it out. 

Saturday the 14th

Director - Howard R. Cohen (Saturday the 14th Strikes Back)

Starring - Richard Benjamin (Westworld), Jeffrey Tambor (Arrested Development), and Severn Darden (Werewolves on Wheels)

Release Date - 1981
Genre - Horror/Comedy/Childrens

Tagline - "Just when you thought it was safe to look at the calender again" and "It gets bad on Friday the 13 but it gets worse on Saturday the 14th"

Rating:

     I ran across this movie a few years ago when I was checking out the rentals for sale at Movie Gallery when they were going out of business.  I didn't pick it up because I had never heard about it before.  After seeing a few things online about it I found out it was a comedy focused towards children as a Halloween flick.  I tend to like those kind of films if they are done well.  Movies like Ernest Scared Stupid and Mr. Boogedy are flicks I watch every October because they remind me of my childhood and love of Halloween.  A[ny movie that can give me that same feeling are surely welcomed in my collection.

     This film follows a Dracula inspired vampire named Waldemar (Tambor) as he tries to purchase the home of a recently deceased man.  However, he is unable to do so because the deceased left the home and all the belongings to his nephew and his picture perfect family.  Unfortunately for them the house is home to a special book that has the power to release various monsters into this world, as well as, bring about the end of the world.  The married couple's son mistakenly unleashes the creatures from the book and they have free roam of the house.  After a bat attacks the mother, the father calls an exterminator to get rid of the flying pests.  The exterminator just happens to be Van Helsing and he too wants to find the evil book.  While this is taking place the kids are being harassed by the monsters while the parents are unaware of their existence.  Once Van Helsing arrives he tells the parents he knows how to kill Waldemar and the evil monsters.  However, this is a trick and Van Helsing wants the book to control the monsters and it turns out that Waldemar is actually a good vampire with infidelity problems.

     This movie could have been better.  The acting is very good and the monsters look awesome, however, it just seemed to be lacking something more.  The monsters do not really have a solid spot in the film and are just there as filler which is a shame because they really do look cool for an 80's kid's movie.  Also, the character of Waldemar is not seen much in the film until it is absolutely necessary for the plot which is, once again, a shame because, as always, Tambor is spot on with his acting.  The story is pretty good for a children's flick and even surprised me with the twist at the end with Van Helsing being evil.  Something completely opposite of the Van Helsing character in every movie featuring him.  Overall the movie is painfully mediocre and does not offer anything special.  To be completely honest with you this is just one of those movies that you just watch to kill time instead of throwing in your favorite movie because you want something different.  Eh watch it if you want or don't.