Seedpeople

Director - Peter Manoogian (Demonic Toys)
Starring - Sam Hennings (Supernatural), Andrea Roth (The Collector), and Dane Witherspoon (Asteroid)
Release Date - 1992
Genre - Horror/Sci-Fi
Tagline - "The root of all evil"

Rating (out of 5):

     I love Full Moon Entertainment as I mentioned before in a previous post.  I love, even more, when I buy a set of movies that just happens to have a few random Full Moon movies I didn't know existed in it.  That is how I got Seedpeople.  I found a set of four discs containing 20 movies and five of those just happened to be Full Moon flicks.  I also got Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong, Lurking Fear, Head of the Family, and Sideshow in that same set.  All those plus 15 others for 5 dollars.  Couldn't pass that up.  Anyway, I had never heard of this film, the others I had, but this one escaped me.  I watched a trailer for it online and had to watch it.  So after viewing Curse of the Cannibal Confederates I needed to watch something that didn't suck and for the most part Full Moon never lets you down.

     This film follows a geologist who is returning to the town he is originally from to search for meteorites with some locals.  The area is known as Comet Valley which I can only assume got its name from a series of comets passing overhead of crashing to Earth.  Anyway, the geologist returns to town and old feelings start to surface between him and his old flame while he is staying at her bed and breakfast.  The owner of the b&b does not want to repeat her past and refuses to cave in to the geologist.  The b&b owner is also raising her niece who has a strange obsession with the housekeeper and insists that she is possessed.  While the geologist is in town the man who is going to help him hunt meteorites with is out in a field and comes across a strange plant.  When he pokes it with a stick it shoots a white, sticky fluid (don't laugh) on him and he is completely submerged it in.  A few moments later a giant plant like creature busts out of the white cocoon.  Slowly one by one the townspeople is implanted with intergalactic seeds and turned into seedpeople.  The geologist then has a run in with a drunk doctor (don't know if he actually a doctor or not) that is wearing a suit made of UV lights.  The doctor discovered that the seedpeople do not like UV lights.  They then set out to prevent the creatures from taking over the world by unearthing a giant seed-cone that had crash landed on Earth hundreds of years ago.     

     I liked this movie.  Sure, it had it share of flaws like most Full Moon movies but it was thoroughly enjoyable.  The story was surprisingly rich for a straight forward flick.  The acting is what you come to expect from a Full Moon movie, which is decent at best.  The effects are awesome...for the most part.  The creatures and plants looked really good and reminded me of a classic monster movie from the 50's and 60's.  However, when the creatures would attack and maul the townspeople it looked like they had just smeared barbeque sauce all over their faces.  The only grip I truly had for this flick is all the guys looked a like.  It was like putting 100 marines side by side and had you blindly pick who looked different.  Some points in the movie if the sheriff wasn't wearing his police jacket I was confused by which character he was.  I guess all white people look the same?  I don't know.  Anyway, I actually enjoyed it and it is top notch as far as Full Moon flicks go.  Give it a shot. 
    

The Worst Witch

Director - Robert Young (Bloodmonkey)
Starring - Fairuza Balk (American History X, The Craft), Charlotte Rae (The Facts of Life), and Tim Curry (The Rocky Horror Picture Show, It)
Release Date - 1986
Genre - Children's
Tagline - "Things never go right for Mildred Hubble"

Rating (Out of 5):

     I know I typically review very low budget horror flicks but sometimes I watch a movie from my childhood and want to review it as well.  I know most of you read this for the horror reviews and reading a review for a children's movie makes it weird but bare with me and you might actually enjoy the film as well.  I watched this movie every October, along with a slew of others, with my sister when I was little.  So this October I wanted to show a few of those films to my wife.  Movies like this one, Ernest Scared Stupid, Teen Witch, Mr. Boogedy, and Mad Monster Party are holiday classics that go unnoticed this time of year because it is during this time that horror movies finally come to the forefront.  True, these movies don't offer the screams that horror flicks do but they are entertaining and really do put you in the Halloween spirit.

     The film follows a young witch, Mildred Hubble (Balk), as she attends an all girl witch academy.  Mildred is a very clumsy and scatter brained little girl who tries hard at everything she does but always seems to come up short.   Along with that she has to compete at everything with another little witch who is "perfect" at everything she does.  She is often putting Mildred down and bullying her.  That is until Mildred turns her into a pig.  Along the way Mildred competes to be in the flying broom dance number for the grand wizard (Curry) who will be visiting the academy for their annual ceremony.  She breaks her broom before hand and the snooty witch bitch lends her a spare she has...after she curses it.  During the show for the grand wizard the broom goes crazy and Mildred crashes and drags all the other witches down with her.  The grand wizard is disgusted with the incident and leaves.  Mildred, depressed and disgusted with her self, leaves the academy and goes into the nearby woods.  Here she meets the twin sister of the headmistress of the academy.  Her, and her coven of evil witches, are planning to take over the school until Mildred stops them and turns them into bugs.  The grand wizard just happened to be flying overhead and saw the whole thing.  He takes Mildred back to the school where he tells everyone of her heroic deed.

     I loved this movie when I was a little Blacktooth.  It was so cheesy and a cliche of every children's movie you could think of from the 80's and early 90's.  The acting is great with the film consisting of some classic actors and actresses.  Tim Curry is billed as the star of the flick but in all actuality he is only in the film for about 10 or 15 minutes where he has to do a song and dance number.  Obviously, this a ploy to cash in on his Rocky Horror success.  The story is similar to Harry Potter and my wife, a huge Harry Potter fan, kept spotting all the similarities between the two.  I say it is safe to say this may be something Rowlings found inspiration in.  The effects are super cheesy and very dated but that is one of the reason I still love it.  It reminds me of the era I was watching it in when movies had horrible green screen effects and bright lights used for multiple reason light magic or lasers.  The characters are loveable, and hate-able, which helps tie you to the story and really feel for them.  Another reason it works great as a child's flick.  I highly recommend this one for the Halloween season. 

Curse of the Cannibal Confederates

aka Curse of the Screaming Dead

Director - Tony Malanowski (Night of Horror)
Starring - Steve Sandkuhler (Nightbeast), Christopher Gummer (Nightbeast), and Rebecca Bach (Night of Horror)
Release Date - 1982
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "The south shall  rise again...and again...and again" and "It took over 100 years...but Johnny finally got even"

Rating (out of 5):

     Well I finally done it.  I sat down and watched Curse of the Cannibal Confederates.  Having three day off I was able to watch a lot of movies I have been wanting to see.  Most of these are dvds and blurays I have purchased over the passed couple of months and haven't had time to watch just yet.  This one was one of the first on my list.  I put this in and I was sitting like I did when I was little and rented Super Mario Brothers on vhs for the first time.  I had waited years to see this zombie flick and for some reason chose other films to watch before this one.  I should have waited longer.

     The movie follows three couples as they head out on a camping trip in the woods.  Along the way they decide to go to an unfamiliar area to set up camp as a fresh change of pace.  Near the spot they had picked out to camp is an old cemetery and and an even older building that has vegetation growing over it.  After looking around they find an old bullet, a confederate flag, and a leather bound journal.  From looking around they figure out that the cemetery is full of confederate soldiers from the American Civil War.  The clepto of the crew takes the journal and heads back to camp.  While everyone, but his blind girlfriend, is asleep he breaks it out and starts reading it.  Meanwhile, the undead rebels begin crawling out of their grave.  The young couples are then on the run as flesh craving confederates chase them through the woods where one by one they fall prey to the undead soldiers.

     I was extremely let down by this flick.  For the most part I couldn't see a damn thing going on.  The lighting is the worst I have seen in any movie.  Also, this is the dvd format so I couldn't imagine trying to watch this on vhs like it was originally intended for.  The story was cool but was poorly executed...which I expected would be.  The effects are some of the worst I have ever seen.  The zombies are either grey skinned but fully intact (which I guess they look good for their age) while others are wearing these huge rubber masks.  The only zombie that looked somewhat decent is the albino general zombie.  The acting is, however, very well done.  This is the only decent aspect of the film.  Most of the cast had worked on films prior to this and went on to be involved in other projects as well.  Another cool thing about the film is a few of the tombstones had some familiar names on it.  I don't know if that was intentional or just coincidence.  The two I was able to read had Tonny Starke and John Carpenter engraved on it.  Tonny Starke, written as Tony Stark, in the comics is the man who dons the metal suit as Iron Man and John Carpenter is the obvious director behind Halloween.  Being the huge zombie fan I am I really wanted to like this movie but it just completely missed.  I do not recommend this one but with all the movies getting remade I do hope someone gets their hands on this one and turns out a decent flick with this storyline.            
    

Vampire Whores from Outer Space

Director - Eamon Hardiman (Catholic Ghoulgirls)
Starring - Brian Gunnoe (Porkchop), Billy Dynamite (Escape from the Dead), and Diana Burton (Catholic Ghoulgirls)
Release Date - 2005
Genre - Horror/Sci-Fi/Comedy
Tagline - "Some people just suck"

Rating (out of 5):

     Since I had wrote reviews for all the other Eamon Hardiman flicks that I had watched lately I decided to write one for this film as well.  To be honest I wanted to watch this one a little more than I did Catholic Ghoulgirls.  The title pulled me in and made my curiousity peek.  I could only imagine what this movie could be like or was even about.  I assumed the film was a literal adaption of the title but I did not want to assume.

     This movie once again follows Burt Flemming, local hero that has fallen from grace, as he tries to worn the world of vampires that have descended from outer space to drain the blood from the population's pecker...unless they're girls then I have no idea where they get it from.  Anyway, Burt is unable to rally the people behind his intergalactic battle.  Lucky for him two individuals have too seen the blood sucking hookers from space and join his fight.  It is now up to the two love birds and the back-porch abortionist to prevent the alien prostitutes from draining the town dry in more than one way.

     I liked this movie.  I liked the way Hardiman took this flick and added humor to it.  I don't think it would have been as good if he would have made it a serious flick like Catholic Ghoulgirls.  The movie reminds me a lot of an Ed Wood movie especially Plan 9 From Outer Space.  The effects in this one are hit and miss.  The corpse that the chief has in his car looks pretty decent but the vampires seem silly...most of the time.  That only adds to the humor and charm of the flick.  The acting is on par with Catholic Ghoulgirls in the same aspect of feeling forced and over dramatic.  This does not apply to, once again, Burt Flemming.  He, as always, steals the show.  Hardiman should really consider having him truly star in a film rather than ride shotgun through most if it.  The editing in this one is better than the CG and it flows way better.  CG, in my opinion, is a little bit better film but this one should definitely be watched.          
    

Catholic Ghoulgirls

Director - Eamon Hardiman (Zombie Babies)
Starring - Ally Melling (The Comic Book Lady), Vanessa Kessinger, and Meghan McDowell (Vampire Whores from Outer Space)
Release Date - 2005
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "Better hide the rosary beads"

Rating (out of 5):

     Like I had stated in my Zombie Babies review, after watching Porkchop I had to watch all of Eamon Hardiman's films.  There was a horror/sci-fi convention a short distance upstate, although I was struck financially after my ride had alternator problems, I was able to make it there to purchase all his films.  When I told him and his girlfriend, Missy Dawn, I wanted to purchase a copy of each of his films he was nice enough to sign them and cut me a pretty good deal.  I then left the con because I knew I would find some other things I would want to buy but didn't have the money for it and didn't want to make myself feel bad.  

     This flick follows three catholic schoolgirls as they fight for their lives as undead hordes descend upon the town.  The three girls, with some help from a group of guys, make their way through town bashing the skulls of the undead.  As the group of guys start dying one by one the girls begin to loose hope in their survival until badass lesbian nuns save the day.  

     I liked this movie.  It had its fair share of flaws but as an overall film it was pretty decent.  The story is kind of lacking and the majority of the film is the characters just running from one location to another.  Also the editing seems choppy at times leaving the scenes merging together at awkward times.  Also the acting is very forced and not natural at all.  Like most great directors, Eamon's filmography will be split up into eras.  Like George A. Romero's films are split in to pre-Night of the Living Dead and post-Day of the Dead films, Eamon's will be definitely be split into pre-Porkchop and post.  You can tell he learned a lot from filming this and Vampire Whore from Outer Space and it shows in his later films.  The effects in this one are what you would expect from the low budget.  The zombies are just grey skin with black around the eyes but as bad as all those sounds the movie is very entertaining.  The dialogue is extremely rich which compensates for the lack of story.  I like this movie but it is the lower end of Eamon's films.  And once again Brian Gunnoe steals the show as Burt Flemming which is another reason to check it out.  You should watch it because you wont be disappointed.       

The Newlydeads

Director - Joseph Merhi (Epitaph)
Starring - Jimmy Williams (Epitaph), Jean Levine (L.A. Vice), and Jay Richardson (Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers)
Release Date - 1987
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "Till DEATH do them part"

Rating (out of 5):

     This is once again a Troma flick from that notorious box set I keep talking about.  Before I broke out the box set I was on a bit of a slasher kick so when I saw this one in the set I had to watch it as well.  Many film critics say this is the film that killed the 80's slasher genre before it made its 90's comeback.  So I knew this was a shitty flick but just how shitty could it be, to some, to kill an entire sub-genre?

     This film starts with a resort owner checking in an attractive blonde.  After putting the moves on her he is able to take her up to his room.  After sipping some wine they begin to kiss...until HIS wig falls off.  The resort owner tells the man in drag that he likes girls and the man attacks him and in self defense is killed.  The movie picks up years later as he is getting married. During the ceremony the resort owner has a vision and sees the dead tranny he had murdered years ago.  He shakes it off and continues his wedding before heading off to his resort.  Also staying in in the resort are some other couples getting who are either getting married or renewing their vowels, as well as, a medium that can see things that are going to happen.  The medium tried to warn the resort owner about the horrible murders that will take place but he does not listen.  After the first couple is murdered he starts listening to her and tries to find a way to kill the tranny for good.

     This movie is seriously horrendous.  I can see why the movie gets the title as "slasher killer."  I know slasher movies were still being produced after this flick but they were not in abundance like they were before hand.  The story is a not really anything different for a slasher flick except the killer is a transsexual.  The movie also received a backlash for supposedly being a film about gay bashing.  The tranny is the only person that is not hetero to die and he is not murdered for that reason.  He is murdered for punching the resort owner because he wouldn't screw him.  To me the movie should have had a backlash for being shitty instead of homophobic.  The acting is ok and most of the cast had some decent success with their acting career.  The effects are horrible.  The tranny, once dead, looks like he has grey oatmeal smeared all over his body.  The kills are stock slasher kills with one being borrowed straight from one of the Friday the 13th films.  If your looking for a good obscure slasher check out The Burning or the original Prom Night and avoid it at all costs.      

Demented Death Farm Massacre The Movie

Director - Donn Davison (Moonshiner's Woman) and Fred Olen Ray (Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers)
Starring - Ashley Brooks (Tinseltown), George Ellis (Moonrunners), Mark Coolik (The Bionic Woman)
Release Date - 1971
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "First we plant the perversion.  Then we harvest the horror"

Rating (out of 5):

     As you can probably tell I watched yet another Troma flick from the Toxie's Top Ten box set.  This movie suckered me in with the title and cover art.  It looked so cheesy it had to be good.  When it comes to picking movies I usually go with the strange titles and cool looking cover art.  More often than not I end up watching pure shit but in some cases I do find some good peanuts among the turds.

        The film follows a group of robbers as they pull off a huge heist.  The group had robbed a jewelry store and are now on the run.  The plan was to make it to a helicopter and take the jewels to Florida where they are able to sell them.  They decide the best course of action is to take the country back roads where they are less likely to have any run ins with the police.  Well the movie would not be interesting if nothing happened so they run out of gas and stash their get away car in the weeds and cover it up with tree limbs.  As they walk to the nearest house for help they meet a busty southern belle putting laundry out to dry.  She invites them in and tells them that she is a newlywed and her new husband will be back soon and could help them out.  When he does arrive he has their ride and told them that he found it and was claiming it.  The thieves hatch a plan to stay the night and in the morning steal the farmers truck.  However, during the night the farmer is drinking and listening to the radio when he hears about the jewel robbers.  The robbers then hold the family hostage until they can figure out just what to do.  The farmer is also a moonshine runner and to keep the locals from visiting him and questioning his disappearance the robbers let him continue to do his runs.  However, one of the robbers is greedy and wants him to pay a percentage of his sells.  That does not sit well with the farmer and he kills him which leads to chase scene that will leaving you casting some Zzzzz's. 

     The movie was not what I expected at all.  I assumed it would be a straight forward slasher but I was wrong.  It came off as an era crime flick  with just a few kills.  The story is nothing award winning and effects are just plain shitty.  The acting, however, is pretty good and a few of the characters are awesome and the kind you will always remember.  No matter how good the acting is or how memorable the characters are this movie just doesn't quite cut it.  I liked it but I don't think I'll watch it again any time soon. 

Dead Dudes in the House

aka The House on Tombstone Hill

Director - James Riffel (Mass of Angels)
Starring - Douglas Gibson (Midnight Mass), J.D. Cerna, and Naomi Kooker
Release Date - 1991
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "This house wasn't repossessed...It's just plain possessed"

Rating (out of 5):

     While watching movies from the Toxie's top Ten box set I decided to watch this one, like Space Zombie Bingo, before the movie I had actually purchased the set for.  The cover art shows a group of white twenty-somethings dressed like an early 90's boy band holding weapons and from the tagline I was under the impression that it was a haunted house scenario.  A sort of a more modern version of Amityville Horror but with a Troma twist.  I'm sure I'm not the only one that thought that either and was suckered in by the look of artwork alone.

     The film follows a group of twenty-somethings, a different crew than the dvd artwork, as they move into a home.  Their plans are to renovate the home and have it in move in condition as quick as possible.  Unbeknown to them, that the houses former occupant, an elderly woman that murdered her assumed husband in the 1940's, is still roaming the house.  As each members of the group venture off on their own they find an unfortunate demise at the hands of the elderly lady.  That individual then returns to life as an undead servant for grandma.  The group has to learn to fight together in order to survive, but who can they trust when their friends are undead fiends?

     I was surprised by this flick.  It was a pretty decent little movie.  I figured from looking at all the films in this set that all of them would be pretty shitty.  I honestly purchased this set for the movie mentioned before and to have it in my collection of Troma films.  According to Lloyd Kaufman, owner of Troma, this film is considered a masterpiece among himself and Troma fans.  I can see why.  However, the movie is deceiving.  The artwork makes the impression that the movie was a boy bandish type haunted house flick when it is not.  The stars in the movie are not that kind of people.  They're your typical early 90's everyday folk and that makes you wanna watch Saved By the Bell or Full House.  The acting is pretty decent and the effects are ok for the budget and the type of film it is.  The dvd transfer is very grainy and resembles vhs quality which I love because it  brings nostalgic feel.  This is the type of movie I loved watching late at night during the weekend with my brother.  I highly recommend this little gem.