VHS/DVD/BluRay Update 1/6/13 Pt I

    This update consists mostly of the movies I got for Christmas.  The remainder are films I have ordered before Christmas or have purchased while out with the wife.  This update is going to be huge so I will split it up into two posts.

Scarecrow

Director – Emmanuel Itier (The Midnight Hour)
Starring – Tim Young (Camp Blood), Tiffany Shepis (Psycho Street), and Todd Rex (Scarecrow Slayer)
Release Date – 2002
Genre - Horror
Tagline – “You’ve never been STALKED like this before”
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Midnight Horror Collection: Deadly Harvest)

Rating (out of 5):

     A decade ago I was still in high school.  During this time my venture in to horror was in full swing.  Most of my shirts were purchased from rottencotton.com and fright-rags.com, my DVD and VHS collection took up a majority of my room, I was reading an insane amount of horror novels and comics, and The Misfits could be heard 10 minutes before you finally saw me.  I was probably being monitored by the police for suspicious behavior for everything I had googled. It was during this time I came across a little film called Scarecrow while flipping through the channels.  From what I remember the movie was on Sy-Fy (back when it was Sci-Fi).  I watched it with my Dad and we both liked it, surprisingly.  As the years went by I forgot about this film until one day during the summer.  I often order a large amount of movies from Amazon.com and while preparing an order Amazon recommended The Midnight Horror Collection: Deadly Harvest DVD.  The artwork was too small to make out so I clicked it to see what was included in this multi-film set.  I was surprised to find that it was Scarecrow and two sequels that I had no idea existed.  The DVD was under $10 so I grabbed it.  It has been sitting on my shelf since that day, and after some debate, I decided to throw it in.

    The film follows Lester (Young), the oldest looking high schooler to ever cross your television screen.  Lester is the shy, artsy kinda kid that is often the butt of other high school student’s jokes.  Even the faculty at the school ridicule poor ‘ol Lester.  Lester’s home life is no different.  His mother is the town bicycle (google the joke if you have yet to hear it) and is often bringing home random Johns.  Lester has his eye on the only girl to ever show him any kindness, Judy (Shepis).  However, Lester spots Judy kissing one of the guys that is often tormenting him and is heartbroken.  That night he goes home and catches his mother being rode hard by another random man.  The man tells Lester to leave but he refuses.  The man, wanting to teach Lester a lesson, chases him through the cornfields behind his trailer.  Lester falls to the ground and the man climbs on top of him.  As Lester struggles to get free, the man strangles him.  The man realizes he had went too far and covers his tracks by making it look as if Lester had hung himself.  A few months have passed since Lester’s death and everyone has went on with their lives, that is until evildoers begin turning up murdered by a scarecrow that is light on his feet.  The scarecrow is, as you guessed, Lester and he is exacting revenge on those that have made his life a living hell, that is until Judy intervenes.

      This has to be the worst movie I have ever seen and for some sick reason I enjoyed (almost) every minute of it.  The acting is horrible by most of the cast.  Tiffany Shepis, however, did a great job in her role like she does in most of the films I have seen her in.  With bad acting a bad story is also involved and this film is no exception.  The story is predictable and not very well written.  The funny thing about reviews is that they are representations of the writer and what they took away from the film.  What I took away from this film is that the production team was trying to create a slasher film reminiscent of those from the golden age and failed horribly.  With most slashers the deaths start at the beginning of the film and continue till the end.  The viewers are not treated to any deaths until the later half of this film and when watching a horror flick this could result in the viewer being bored.  Enough with the story and on to other aspects of the film.  The kills are mostly off camera so we do not get to see any special effects except for the scarecrow’s costume.  The scarecrow actually looks really good, and the obvious reason to watch this film.  If this film was done properly the scarecrow could easily be my favorite horror icon.  He can spit out one liners that can make Freddy Krueger envious and has some sweet acrobatic skills.   Overall, this is a very bad movie that still entertains and can be placed in the “so bad its good” category.  Give it a watch but beware.

Brutal

Director - Ethan Wiley (House II: The Second Story)
Starring - Sarah Thompson (Cruel Intentions 2), Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator, From Beyond), and Michael Berryman (The Hills Have Eyes)
Release Date - 2007
Genre - Horror
Tagline - Can't find one
Format - DVD (Personal Collection)

     Horror movies are a dime-a-dozen and it's not hard to find a slew of shitty ones dirt cheap at your local discount stores.  This is one of those films that you can find anywhere for cheap.  I saw it at Wal-Mart on multiple occasions for $5 but never wanted to fork out the cash for it.  I saw that it starred Jeffrey Combs and Michael Berryman, and being a huge fan of Combs, I felt guilty for not buying it.  When I finally caved in and went to grab it, Wal-Mart had stopped selling it.  One day I was going through the unsorted DVDs at Big Lots and found a copy of this film for $3 and grabbed it.  It has been setting on my shelf for over a year and I decided it was time to give it a go.

     The film follows Sheriff Jimmy Fleck (Combs), a family man with a wife and kids, who is preparing for the upcoming elections in hopes he would be re-elected as sheriff.  Sheriff Jimmy is also having an affair with his deputy, Zoe (Thompson).  Zoe is starting to get overly attached to the sheriff and is often parking outside his home.  As the bodies of young girls start to pile up, the adulterous duo fail to see the pattern, however, after another murder they find a flower has been left on each victim.  The deputy soon deducts that each flower found on the victim is the flower the street the girls lived on was named after.  She also believes they are dealing with a serial killer but the sheriff refuses to listen.  When a young couple goes missing and the sheriffs search party turns up empty, the deputy resorts to asking an autistic dog trainer to help by using his bloodhounds.  The two come across two shallow graves with a flower planted over top.  The deputy knows it is the work of the serial killer, but the sheriff is pissed she disobeyed direct orders.  Fearing they his wife will find out about his infidelity, he pays an ex-convict to kill her and make it look like the work of the serial killer.  As the dog trainer and the deputy are working on the case, the deputy is attacked by the ex-convict, but before he can kill her the real killer appears and intervenes.  Zoe knows that the sheriff had payed the convict to kill her and pays him a visit.  After confronting him, while his wife listens nearby, she finds a flower on his porch.  He tells her that the flower is a science project of his sons.  The deputy now knows the killer is a teacher.  The deputy and the dog trainer head for the school, while there the dog trainer spots the pattern that the police has missed.  He can see that the killings are based on the findings of a 12th century mathematician and discovers that Zoe, the deputy, is next on his list.  Just like all bad movies, the killer arrives and a showdown ensues before the serial killer in a sweater vest is gunned down.

     This movie has potential...to put you to sleep. As you can tell from my rating, I will have more bad things to say than good about this film.  This movie tries it's damnedest to be a horror mystery, however, it is hard to be a mystery when you show the killer at the beginning of the movie.  Therefore, the story is horrible and this is probably the first review that I am able to say that.  The story, though thought was applied, fell apart somewhere between paper and the finished product.  The acting is decent by most of the cast and so is the special effects.  Most of the kills are off camera or obscured.  There is a few on camera, and the effects for those are decent, however, a majority are like I previously said.  The film also has a problem with the pacing and dialogue.  The film is stretched way to far and the characters are long winded making for a painstakingly long movie.  I found myself dozing off to sleep many times during the duration of this flick.  My final complaint about this movie, and to me the biggest complaint, is the damn cover art.  Scroll up and study the cover art for a moment and I'll wait here till you return...did you notice the killer on the cover?  That is not the killer in the film.  I was hoping the killer was another Jason clone that used power to butcher his victims.  Instead we get Bill Nye the Psycho Science Guy killing people with garden tools while wearing dress shirts and sweater vests.  Why put him on the cover if he is not in the film?  I recommend finding something else to watch and I'm done writing about this shitflick.

               

   

Simon Says

Director - William Dear (Harry and the Hendersons)
Starring - Crispin Glover (Wizard of Gore, Willard, Back to the Future), Margo Harshman (Sorority Row), and Greg Cipes (True Blood)
Release Date - 2006
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "You forgot to say...Simon says"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection)

Rating (out of 5):

     A few years back I was looking around for modern slashers after watching The Tripper.  I really enjoyed that film and decided to see what else was out there.  I quickly came across a film starring Crispin Glover.  Growing up on the Back to the Future films, I was pretty excited to see him star in a slasher flick.  I looked everywhere I normally do when trying to order a film.  I could not find it anywhere and over time I forgot about it.  During my first year in college, in 2008, I found it at a random rental store for sale for only $1.  I took it back to my dorm room and watched it, even skipped class to do so.

     The film follows five youths as they head out in to the woods for a camping trip.  When the group mistake a grave site sign for a camp site, two caretakers tell them a story about a local legend.  The story goes that two boys, twins, were camping with their parents.  The brothers, Simon and Stanley (Glover), are polar opposites.  Simon is simple and Stanley is a sadistic fucker.  Stanley is often constructing devices to hurt Simon.  While camping, Stanley plays a game of Simon Says with Simon and tricks him in to smoking a joint.  When Simon rushes off to tell his parents, Stanley intervenes and the two struggle on the ground.  We then see a pair of hands grab a rock and bash the other on the head.  The twin then kills both his parents.  After hearing the story, the group head off for a little fun in the woods.  While stopping for supplies, the group just happen to stop by a store owned by Simon and Stanley.  After gathering supplies, the group head off to the campsite.  As each member of the group is picked off one by one, as well as other helpless people wondering the forest, it is revealed that Simon is actually Stanley and is suffering from split personality.  He also has a crush on the only surviving girl and refuses to kill her.  After she escapes his clutches, she is able to hit him in the head with a meat cleaver.  However, her celebration is short lived when he grabs her and knocks her out.  The film then jumps forward and another group of youths have stopped by the store as they head off to go camping.  Simon opens the cellar door and the young girl is in rags underneath holding a set of twins...

     This is the kind of movie you watch and years later you don't remember a damn thing about it.  I remember some of the kills and most of the characters, however, I didn't remember the story and if I liked it at all.  After watching it again I realized that it is a bad movie that still entertains.  The acting is split 50/50.  The main characters did a great job with their roles, however, the main reason I wanted to watch the film, Crispin Glover, did a horrible job.  I would personally say that I am a huge fan of Glover's and almost every film I have seen him in I have enjoyed.  However, in this film he tries to talk with a southern accent and does not pull it off at all.  The same can be said for his counterparts portraying his youth.  The story is a good homage to the slashers from the 80's but failed when the twin storyline was added to it.  The kills are this films saving grace.  In recent years a trend in torture films, along with found footage, has taken over the horror genre.  Horror, for the most part, has went away from offering unique kills reminiscent of films from the 80's and earlier.  The kills are original and down right entertaining.  The special effects are top notch and only strength the kill scenes.  Though the film is filled with flaws it is still entertaining.  I definitely recommend this one. 

     

   

    

Zombie Babies 2: The Crawling Dead Indiegogo Campaign

     

     Zombie Babies 2: The Crawling Dead, the obvious sequel to Zombie Babies, is entering the final hours of it's Indiegogo campaign and is falling short of their wanted goal.  I am in no way affiliated with this film, but I am a huge supporter of Eamon Hardiman and West Virginia horror.  With that being said, I am asking everyone to please donate and with independent horror, every cent counts.  They have incentives regardless of the amount you donate.  Here is the link if you wish to do so.

Zombie Babies 2: The Crawling Dead

Il Bosco 1

aka Evil Clutch

Director -Andreas Marfori (Desperate Crimes)
Starring - Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni (Demons 2), Deigo Ribon (August), and Luciano Crovato (Heat in the Suburbs)
Release Date - 1988
Genre - Italian/Horror
Tagline - "The nightmare that grabs you where you least expect it"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Troma's Toxie's Blood Bank)

Rating (out of 5):

     Over the summer I was on a huge Troma kick.  I started ordering everything I could find on amazon.com that was released by this small indie company.  I grabbed the Class of Nuke em High trilogy, The Toxic Avenger collection, Toxie's Top Ten set, and Toxie's Blood Bank set.  I came across on film called Evil Clutch and the DVD artwork looked cool as hell (the picture at the top on the right).  I am a sucker for artwork and Italian films and wanted to own this little gem.  Lucky for me this film was in one of the box sets I had recently ordered.  After having it collect dust for a few months, I decided to throw it in to see if the film was as good as the DVD cover.

     The film follows an Italian and his American girlfriend as they travel the Italian countryside.  While driving along they find a woman on the side of the road.  She starts screaming that she was attacked.  The couple take her with them to the nearest town where she runs away the second someone else arrives.  A man riding a scooter approaches the couple and tells them a story about a creature preying on the locals.  The couple is disgusted by the man's story and leave him.  The pair head off to spend a day or two hiking where they cross paths with the woman once again.  She tells them of a nearby house they can stay in for the night before it is dark.  The two decide that would be the best course of action and follow her.  Once there, the young American girl goes outside to clear her head and the woman pulls some drugs from her cleavage to snort.  Before the man is able to snort it he accidentally gets some sort of sticky substance on his face.  The substance makes the man feel ill.  His girlfriend is worried for his welfare and tries to take him to safety.  While in the woods, the pair crosses paths with an undead minion of the woman they have been protecting.  She is actually a monster that sprouts a giant claw from her vagina and uses it to rip the peckers from her male victims.  They tie him to an old wagon wheel and make their way through the woods, that is until the Italian changes and attacks the young girl.  She runs for her life and he makes his way to the woman.  The woman then attacks him with her tentacles and he snaps out of it and flees.  The undead minion breaks his chains and smashes the young man's hands with a rock and then rips his head off with the same wagon wheel he was chained to.  The man on the scooter arrives and cuts the hand protruding from her vagina with an axe.  She then kills him and turns him in to another undead minion.  The American girl is now forced to face off against both undead minions and is able to defeat them with a mirror and reflecting light on them.  After a lengthy walking scene, the American girl walks to her safety.

     This movie had everything going for it and fell short of being a great film.  The acting is actually pretty decent when compared to other Troma films.  I assumed the acting would be very bad like the films found in the Toxie's Top Ten set, but it was not.  Also, the special effects were great.  This movie demonstrates some great 80's practical effects.  In my opinion, the 80's had some of the greatest practical effects and this is just another example.  Though the effects are good, some scenes were utterly stupid.  At one points, when the creature has her vagina claw cut off, her eyes bulge out of her head.  This was completely ridiculous and reminded me a lot of the scene in Total Recall when Arnold's eyes were bulging out of his head.  That could have been done a different way.  From all the other special effects, the talent was obviously there just no thought was placed behind it.  I also thought the story was original.  I, personally, did not like it, but it was original none-the-less.  After all that is said, I have some major problems with the film.  The first is the scenes with gratuitous amounts of walking.  Just hear me out before you start laughing.  In many of the scenes people are walking long distances...and that is all they are doing.  There is no dialogue, character interaction, or plot details.  It was just a cheap way to throw in filler.  I'd rather watch a short film that was done correctly than watch a longer film that is filled with pointless scenes of people walking through the woods.  Another problem I had with the film was the last 15 to 20 minutes.  Most of the action was good, however, some things made no sense.  The creature gets her gina claw cut off, kills the man responsible, and then nonchalantly goes and has a seat.  She then closes her eyes and after the American girl walks to safety, her eyes pop open before heading to the ending credits.  What the hell kind of ending is that?  It does not provide any closure for the film or answer any questions.  A better ending could have improved the film slightly.  Overall, this movie is just shit Troma has purchased in order to grow their catalog.  I love the Troma films that were actually created by Troma, and after watching this shit.  I now know that all other films, that are not produced by Troma and are simply distributed by Troma, are utter pieces of shit.  Watch Class of Nuke em High instead of this.

               

Rant #3

     So another year has came to a close and life still drags on.  The Mayans, after not forseeing the arrival of the Conquistadors, failed to predict the end of time.  After having a month to try out the "themes," I decided that this was an endeavor I will no longer follow.  Making an entire month follow a certain theme limits what I watch that month and almost makes watching films, something I thoroughly enjoy, a daunting task.  So I will go back to my random film format.  I also tested the movie update in a post last month and had a huge response.  That one post alone had almost 100 views since I posted it.  I will continue to do this and will have another one as quick as the mail runs on Wednesday.  Thank you guys for continuing to read my blog and if there is anything I can do to make it better then feel free to shoot me an email or comment in the comment section.