Under the Bed

Director - Steven C. Miller (Silent Night)
Starring - Jonny Weston (John Dies in the End), Gattlin Griffith (Supernatural, Green Lantern), and Peter Holden (The Dark Knight Rises)
Release Date - 2013
Genre - Horror
Format - DVD (Personal Collection)

Rating (out of 5):

     Steven C. Miller is a director that has made a name for himself in the horror genre with his films The Aggression Scale, Automaton Transfusion, and his remake of Silent Night, Deadly Night which was released as just simply Silent Night.  Sadly, I have only seen Automaton Transfusion and it did not really impress me.  The film was rather dull at first and then picked up at the end making a rather decent film overall but it was not enough for me to jump on the fanboy wagon.  With Under the Bed recently released I was recommended the film to review by DoC's very own Zombie13.  So I made a quick trip to Wal-Mart to grab myself a copy.
     The film follows troubled teen Neal Hausman (Weston) who returns home after a two year hiatus. He was sent to his Aunt's to live after he burnt down most of his home to destroy a creature living under his bed.  Unfortunately, the creature lived but his mother was caught in the fire.  Now his father has remarried and his little brother is battling the beast.  The boy's father does not understand and tries to force his sex trophies to be "normal" but their bedtime problem has consumed their lives.  While at a sleepover the two boys tell their neighbors about the beast when it suddenly appears and kills them.  Neal and his brother rush back to their house where the beast follows and slaughters their father.  The beast is able to grab Neal's brother and drags him under his bed sending Neal in to save his brother and put an end to his reign of terror.
     When I first put this movie in I thought it was a waste of money. The movie was just so slow and boring.  The first half of the film had a few jump scares but offered nothing really entertaining, however, the second half of the film picks it up making this one one hell of a great film.  The acting is top notch by the entire cast.  Everyone did a great job in their roles and made their characters very believable but that is expected with a film of this caliber.  The story is something told before but in a far more darker tone.  The obvious film is Little Monsters, however, this is no Howie Mandel flick.  The film had the look and feel of an 80's kids in trouble flick just like Little Monsters, Monster Squad, and The Goonies.  However, this is a straight forward horror flick not intended for children.  Also, the 80's look and feel is not consistent throughout.  Finally, the special effects are fucking brilliant and the on screen kills were phenomenal.  Miller set out to make a film gore hounds would love and he did just that.  Sadly, you have to tread through a lot of boring film to get to it.  This also shows that CGI can never be a substitute for actual practical effects and the quicker other directors figure that out the better.  Sure, Dustin Mills Productions and Astron-6 can pull it off but others do not have the vision those two examples have.  Overall, this is a film for horror fans by a horror fan.  If you love practical effects and great kills then this movie is for you.  I highly recommend it!

    

Mask Maker: Meet Your Maker

Director - Griff Furst (I Am Omega, Ghost Shark)
Starring - Nikki Deloach (Blood Moon), Stephen Colletti (Kill Katie Malone), and Anabella Casanova (The Empty Seat)
Release Date - 2010
Genre - Horror
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Midnight Movie Horror Set: Slashers)

Rating (out of 5):

      Have you ever said something that you truly believed to only feel like an ass for saying that.  In a lot of my reviews I mention films that I call "Wal-Mart horror." Those are the films you discover at Wal-Mart and they trick you in to buying them because they have amazing cover art and have a horror legend like Kane Hodder, Ken Foree, Jeffrey Combs, and so forth make a small cameo in the film and bill them as the star.  Anyway, a year or so ago I discovered this film at Wal-Mart and fought the urge to buy it.  However, not long ago I found a four film set on amazon.com and grabbed it.  I got if for the films Sweatshop and Inkubus but this film and Dead Tone was an added bonus. 
      The bastard son of a plantation owner and a servant is cursed with a skin disease and his mother resorts to witchcraft in order cure her little abomination.  When slaughtering livestock is not enough, the crazy old bitch kidnaps a baby to sacrifice.  The townspeople arrive just a little too late to save the baby and kills the witch.  Years later a young college couple buys the huge plantation style home and a large amount of land fairly cheap.  The two hope to sell the antiques for some quick cash and plan on flipping the home for a rather large profit.  The two are unaware of the dark past the home harbors.  When a group of friends come up to party for the weekend they unintentionally awaken the murderous son when they defile his grave.  Now the college students are being picked off one by one by the skin wearing monster.
     I went in to this one assuming that it was another shitty Wal-mart horror flick and I was wrong.  Though the movie is mediocre, it is above the rest resulting is a surprisingly decent slasher flick.  This film borrows from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre series and I think it works very well.  I have heard a lot of people bitch about that but I honestly see no wrong in it.  Sure, the killer wears a mask made of his victims flesh but he is not an obese mentally challenged man with a chainsaw and that is where the similarities end.  The acting is actually very decent which added to the overall film.  The entire cast did their job well and it was nice seeing Michael Berryman and Treat Williams actually acting instead of just appearing on film.  They both are outstanding actors and I truly enjoy watching them in their element.  The story is really hard to judge.  It borrows from TCM but for a slasher it is very detailed and fairly original.  On top of all that, it is fun as hell.  You don't have to be very original if you can tell a new story and keep it entertaining.  Finally, the special effects are very good.  The on screen kills are bloody and the effects looks great.  This film is a shinning example of what Wal-Mart horror should be, however, it stands as a rarity among all of those.  Overall, this is an above average modern slasher that is actually worth the price.  I highly recommend it.

     

 

Age of Dinosaurs

Director - Joseph J. Lawson (Nazis at the Center of the Earth)
Starring - Treat Williams (Dead Heat, Attack of the 50ft Cheerleader), Ronny Cox (Dexter, Godzilla: The Series), and Jillian Rose Reed (L.A. Vampire, My Super Psycho Sweet 16: Part 3)
Release Date - 2013
Genre - Horror/Sci-Fi
Tagline - "Back from extinction"
Format - Streaming (Netflix)

Rating (out of 5):

     Sometimes I just like to get away from it all and watch a cheap, mediocre flick that has no plot and requires no thinking.  The best films for this are what I call "Wal-Mart horror."  I have called other films that in previous reviews but never fully explained why I call them that.  Wal-Mart horror is those films you have never heard about until you are killing time in the movie section and find them for around $10.  Sometimes you come across those Sy-Fy channel specials that are made by The Asylum.  The Asylum is notorious among movie goers as being cheap, filled with horrible CGI, and usually a mockbuster of Hollywood blockbusters.  I turned on my Xbox to browse through my instant queue on Netflix when I remembered I added this film a few days earlier.  I decided this would be the perfect film to watch due to the mood I was in.
     The film revolves around a biotech firm that uses flesh regeneration to bring back prehistoric creatures.  The firm holds an open house with various investors and the press to show of their valuable dinosaurs.  Unfortunately, the beasts escape and are now running wild in the building.  A former firefighter (Williams) rushes to save his daughter (Reed) before she becomes a dino-turd.  Before long the dinosaurs break out of the building and run a muck in downtown Los Angeles.
     Before I go any further I want to confess that I kinda like some of The Asylum's films.  I thoroughly enjoyed Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies and most of their other films are good to watch at least once.  However, this flick here is by far the worst one I had seen yet.  Right from the start the viewer can definitely see this film was influenced, if not down right copied, from the classic Jurassic Park.  I think it is safe to say this film is a direct mockbuster of Jurassic Park and The Lost World: Jurassic Park II.  The acting is bad even when compared to the worst Sy-Fy originals.  Even Treat himself gives one of the worst performances out of all the films of his I have seen.  I am a huge fan of Dead Heat and when compared to this one I can't help but get the feeling that he just showed up on set with the desire to get it done and over with.  In regards to the story it is like I said earlier.  The film is a mash-up of Jurassic Park and The Lost World: Jurassic Park II.  If you like both of those films then avoid this one because it will only piss you off.  It is unoriginal and poorly filmed.  Finally, the special effects are shitty.  Horrible CGI runs rampant in this film but that was expected when dealing with The Asylum.  You figure they would eventually fire the ones behind the bad CGI and hire someone that knows what they are doing.  Overall, this is a horrible film that offers nothing but an aging Treat Williams.  Avoid it like you do your wife when she busts out the box of tampons!  

 

Unlucky Charms

Director - Charles Band (Ooga Booga)
Starring -Jeryl Prescott (The Walking Dead), Tiffany Thornton (Jericho), and Charlie O'Connell (Zombie Family)
Release Date - 2013
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "They're magically malicious"
Format - DVD (Redbox Rental)

Rating (out of 5):

     Charles Band is a director I absolutely love.  I have been watching his films for as long as I can remember.  I am such a huge fan of his work, and Full Moon Entertainment, that I will buy anything that has his name attached to it regardless if it is producer, director, or just wrote a quick insert about the film. Most fans love the Puppet Master and Trancers series while I love the newer films coming out of Full Moon like The Evil Bong and Gingerdead Man.  The new films are simple and ridiculous which are two things most modern films lack.  Most newer films take themselves way too seriously and fail to deliver anything but a below par flick.  That being said, I did not like Ooga Booga and was really hoping that Band would redeem himself and Full Moon with this film here.

     The film revolves around a group of beautiful ladies who are competing on a reality television show to be the spokesperson for a Tyra Banks/Oprah type model and singer who hosts her own talk show.  The platinum recording artist and popular talk show host is using the young girls as a way to regain her youthful appearance.  She has found 4 ancient relics that when placed together can take the soul of a living person to remove her wrinkles and grey hair.  The relics summon ancient creatures to kill the contestants so their soul can find it's way to the host.  A leprechaun, one of the ancient creatures, refuses to do her evil bidding and makes a stand against the evil harlot.
     This review is hard to write due to my love of Band and his films but I have to be honest with myself and the reader. This is one of the worst movies I have seen come out of Full Moon and it is bad for a number of reasons.  My biggest complaint about the film is the artwork.  Band and Full Moon never market their films while in production and it is because of this that I had no idea what this film was about.  From looking at the artwork one would assume it was another killer leprechaun movie.  However, that is far from the case.  The leprechaun is actually one of the good guys so why does the cover art depict him as diabolical?  Also, the film never has a sense of urgency.  Most horror films offer suspense and a filling of dread when something is stalking and killing the cast.  However, this film completely skips that aspect of the horror film.  That may be due to the fact that the viewer just does not give a fuck if the girls die or not.  Most of the girls are so snotty and bitchy that you want them to die.  Hell, even the lead hottie is hard to like at times.  The acting is what you would expect coming from a Full Moon film.  The cast is more or less eye candy.  Every girl in the film, with the exception of Michonne, is fucking hot as hell.  The story is really not that great and not that entertaining when filmed.  Band could have done so much with this story and cast and decided to film something easy and fast to cash in on the Walking Dead craze with star Jeryl Prescott.  Finally, those looking for great on screen kills will not find them here.  Instead you will get some great looking creatures and shitty CGI.  I don't mind CGI when it is done right, however, this one does it all wrong.  Overall, this is a poor outing by Full Moon and Band.  I would avoid this one if I was you.

     

Male Bonding

Director - Joonas Makkonen (Bunny the Killer Thing)
Starring - Riamo Hytti (Path of Crime), Tuomas Massa (Bunny the Killer Thing), and Maria Kunnari (Serious Stuff for the Runners)
Release Date - 2012
Genre - Horror/Drama
Tagline(s) - "It's the boys' night out" and "Men needs their hobbies"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) Screeners

Rating (out of 5):

       In one of my reviews I mentioned that I believe titles can make or break a movie.  Titles are often a glimpse in to the films storyline and can be a determining factor if you watch the movie or not.  However, titles that could have double meaning can easily be misconstrued.  That is what happened to me with Makkonen's short, Male Bonding.  When I received my screener for Bunny the Killer Thing I was lucky enough to also get a bonus screener for this film.  The title concerned me.  BtKT had a lot of sexual humor and I could only assume where the sexual humor could be taken with a film called Male Bonding.  However, I still wanted to see it because I did like BtKT so much and boy was I completely wrong.      
     The film follows a father and son pair that go out for some quality time together.  However, their destination is not the typical spot that fathers and sons visit together. The two visit an undisclosed location where men act out their fantasies regardless of how sick, perverse, disgusting they are.  The two part ways once inside and the father enters a room where a masked man beats the shit out of him.  In a room nearby, a man in a gas mask is force feeding a young girl shit.  This young girl is able to escape his clutches before collapsing in front of the son.  The son simply wants to lay next to her dead body and enjoy the silence of death.  The two then meet before going back to their normal and dull lives.
     This short was nothing like I suspected and only solidifies my theory that titles can make or break a movie. It is easy to let your mind wonder with a title like this but this is the rare occurrence where the title does not have a double meaning.  This also serves as a shining example to always be open minded to all films regardless of the title and artwork.  The acting seemed very good but once again it is hard to really judge due to the subtitles.  Having the film dubbed or in my native language would have been it a little more enjoyable.  The story is nothing new but does have an original twist.  The short reminded me a lot of the Hostel trilogy.  However, instead of paying to kill tourists, the two men pay to do specific acts that satisfy some deep down urge they have.  That makes the story line a little more personal and emotional.  Finally, those looking for on screen kills and special effects will need to look somewhere else.  This film offers real life situations to drive emotion from the audience instead of buckets of blood.  Overall, this is a slightly disturbing look into the world of real people.  These are people that you see daily who prepare your food, pump your gas, and teach your children.  These same people have a sick desire and crave the unusual to get their thrills.  I highly recommend this one!

Wicked City

Wicked City (1992)
directed by:  Yoshiaki Kawajiri and Carl Macek
starring:  Gregory Snegoff, Mike Reynolds, Alexandra Kenworthy, Edie Mirman, Jeff Winkless
Genre:  Anime

    As a "not so much" fan of the anime world Wicked City is by far my favorite.  Coincidently it's also the first one I ever saw.  Mainly it's the bug eye style of the character design I do not enjoy but there are always exceptions.  This and director Yoshiaki Kawajiri's Ninja Scroll are two classics I can't get enough of.

    Taki (Snegoff) is a sort of secret service agent known as a black guard battling the Black World of misshapen monsters that are everything from whores with teeth in their vaginas  to giant tentacle wielding monsters that mutate at will.  Taki was put in the charge of guarding Jesepe Myer (Reynolds) a peace treaty ambassedor of the black world who is essential for the progression of peace between the two worlds.  Agent Taki and his new partner Makie (Kenworthy) a beautiful woman agent from the black world are sent to pick up and protect Jesepe until the treaty can go through.  Jesepe is a dirty old man of sorts more concerned with prostitutes and strippers than completing his mission.  From the moment the two guards pick up Jesepe he relentlessly hits on Makie and starts in with an onslaught of dirty talk.  Taki reminds Jesepe of their mission several times but Jesepe just seems to want to get laid and have fun.  All is not what it seems with Jesepe though as you soon find out and this mystery continues on right up to the end.  Definitely my favorite character in the film.  The dialogue is very believable and down to earth which is something that for me at least I see lacking in a lot of anime movies.  The stories overall are always very intricate and sometimes overwhelming but the dialogue for whatever reason seems a bit cheesy to me like for example The Vampire Hunter D series.  While it's got a great storyline the dialogue just suffers greatly.

     A supreme display of artistic hand drawn visual effects ensues and never stops through each of the fight scenes between Taki his partner Makia and the black world demons.  Beginning at an airport runway Taki comes across two members of the black world and before he knows it his new partner appears and finishes the job killing two of the demonic bad guys.  All through the movie to the last and final fight with the black world resistance leader it's the same.  There are so many artists creating these kinds of animes it really makes me wonder how they get everything to flow so well.  The artwork is consistent for the most part in anime's like Wicked City and yet if you look up the long list of animators it really makes you see the quality of artistic talent there is. 
     Other than the great animation another aspect of anime I greatly enjoy are the sound effects.  Makie's fingernails slicing through the air, the ground cracking and breaking it's all very well done in my modest opinion and almost every anime I've seen it's pretty much the same way.  I think the effect of Jesepe sucking on the black world prostitutes boob was perhaps the best sound effect of the movie.  Makes me laugh so hard every time I watch it.
     Wicked City continues on through a war between the demons of the black world and the secret agents of our world until Jesepe is attacked by a black world whore and put into a coma.  The black world constantly at odds with Taki and Makie.  Then Makie herself is kidnapped by the demon resistance leader (Winkles) who is bound to destroy her for the treachery of working for the Black Guards.  But there is an unseen force growing in Makie's body.  The child of she and Taki who have fallen in love since their mission began.  Makie then becomes an indestructible wrecking ball of sorts dispatching all sorts of black world demons.   I have to go with a 5 bloody hand print rating on this one.  Awesome movie.