Kung-Fu & Titties

Director - Joseph McConnell (Jumping Up and Down)
Starring - Raine Brown (Plasterhead), Mike Marino (The Tonight Show with Jay Leno), and Sean Molnar (The Woods Have Eyes)
Release Date - 2013
Genre - Comedy/Fantasy
Tagline - "The only thing this movie needs is some good Chinese takeout"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     A few months back I was checking out a film that starred Raine Brown and realized that it had been sometime since I checked out a film she was in.  This made me think about her and her career so I turned to IMDB to see if she was appearing in any upcoming films when I came across the title Kung-Fu & Titties.  The title immedately caught my attention and I had to see it.  For nothing else, it could be a chance to see one of the hottest scream queens in the indie scene bare chested.  I found the film out on Facebook and reached out to them for a review copy of the film.  They were kind enough to send me over a review copy.  Sadly, it took some time for it to arrive but that only made my viewer even sweeter.  Thanks for letting me check this one out!

     The film follows Dick Titties who is training to become an mma fighter when one night his lady is kidnapped and taken to another world where a "god" with an obsession for titties and all things Raine Brown rules with an iron fist.  He kidnaps Titties woman thinking she was Raine when in actuality Raine is actually his sister.  Once in the other world, Dick meets a martial arts master in a gorilla costume who befriends him and tells him about a prophecy that Dick is now apart of.  The two split ways and Dick meets an Indian chief that shares some wisdom with him before sending him on his way to rescue his wife.  Soon, Dick meets a group of Russians who are planning to rebel against their ruler and the arrival of Dick kick starts the revolution.  They prepare to attack and soon learn that the man in the gorilla costume is the ruler's son and used Dick.  Before you know it, an all out brawl hits and Dick must fight to save his sister, woman, and his own ass.

     When I first found  Kung-Fu & Titties I assumed it would be a sleazy comedy that took us back to the heyday of exploitation cinema.  However, when I tossed it in I was pleasantly surprised to see that even though the film had large amounts of breast it was still tastefully and comically done without that sleazy feeling.  The film follows a fantasy story and just uses the breasts for laughs.  The acting in this one is fun but it is very apparent that it is an indie production using an indie cast.  They all offer up a tremendous talent in front of the camera just some lack experience needed to make their characters believable.  With that being said, the film is full of memorable characters that the viewer just does not expect.  They are fun and offer up some entertainment.  The story for this one is a raunchy take on several fantasy stories we have seen before with the classic flick The Labyrinth coming to mind.   What sets this apart from that film is this one lacks musical numbers and pelvis gyrations from David Bowie.  We also get loads of great characters and unexpected humor that really catches the viewer off guard.  Finally, the film is not a blood and gore soaked flick. Instead, it is an indie comedy and focuses on telling a story above all else.  Overall, Kung-Fu & Titties is funny film that is not what you would expect.  It's funny and will leave the viewer in stitches.  Check this one out!

Night Terrors

Director(s) - Alex Lukens and Jason Zink (When I Die)
Starring - Miranda Howard (E! Live From the Red Carpet), Alex Lukens (The Vampire Diaries), and Richard Hackel (Phobia)
Release Date - 2013
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "The return of VHS horror"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     A few months back a friend of mine, Ryan Musick, invited me to a Facebook group called Bloody Banter and Bazaar in which he is one of the admins.  The group is a great way to discover indie and underground horror flicks.  A few weeks ago a fellow member posted about the anthology film Night Terrors.  This was a film that was sitting in my review pile.  After hearing all the praise about the film I decided to move it up in the stack even though I was trying to hold off on reviewing it due to one of the segments taking place at Christmas until the time was right.    The film was sent to me for review from Alternative Cinema and was released by Camp Motion Pictures.  Thanks guys for allowing me to check out this amazing anthology.  

     The film begins with a young woman who is trying to get her little brother to go to bed but he is refusing.  She tries a different tactic and tries to scare the shit out of the kid in order to make him go to bed.  The first story follows a killer Santa who rubs out anyone who has not been good.  He finds a small house party and kills all the party goers.  The second story follows a university professor who is under investigation for experimenting on stem cells while trying to find a cure for a terrible disease that has afflicted his daughter.  The police are closing in so he sneaks out from his home back into the university to get his work and is caught while there.  He kills the janitor and returns home where he sets his vicious sights on the pregnant woman next door.  The third and final tale follows two college friends who go to class and discover that a zombie outbreak has happened on campus and the two must fight to survive.  

     Most of the time indie horror anthologies fall apart is the wrap around segments fail to properly tie them together.  So many anthology flicks fail to do this and it results in the viewer watching a series of shorts that have nothing to do with one another due to that weak wrap around story.  Lucky for us, Night Terrors has a decent wrap around story that holds the stories together and does not take too much focus from each story.  The acting in this one is fairly well done by the entire cast in each segment with the wrap around included.  The cast in convincing and they really help the stories they are in move around.  Each segment also has cast members that stick out and deliver superb performances with the films best performance coming from Richard Hackel.  His role as the professor is nothing short of brilliant.  The stories for this one are fun but some are not original.  The wrap around story put me in mind of the classic Vincent Price anthology film From a Whisper to a Scream.  After that the stories just continue to remind me of films I love to this day including Silent Night, Deadly Night and Dorm of the Dead.  Originality may have went out the window but entertainment filled the room with these stories.  Though these stories reminded me of other films and borrowed heavily from them they still made it their own.  Finally, the film is full of great kills but some segments are bloodier than others.  The first segment following the killer Santa is soaked in blood and gore while the remainder of the film is relatively tame.  With that being said, the practical effects for the kills are great and added a lot of fun to the killers.  Overall, Night Terrors is a fucking fantastic anthology that satisfies.  IF you want an fun indie horror film then grab a copy of Night Terrors.  Well worth your time.  

Auteur

Director - George Cameron Romero (Repressed)
Starring - Tom Sizemore (Saving Private Ryan), B.J. Hendricks (Staunton Hill), and Ian Hutton (True Blood)
Release Date - 2014
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "Some stories are better left buried"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     A few years back I met James Cullen Bressack through Facebook where I reviewed all of his films up to that point.  I checked out 4 or so films and out of all those viewings only one flick did not entertain me.  I soon started following his career.  Early this year I was lucky enough to check out his newest film Pernicious and was completely floored by the film.  This piece of cinematic gold is by far his best film to date.  After reviewing the film I was hit with news the Bressack had written a story for another film that was directed by the man George C. Romero.  This man is the son of the amazing George A. Romero.  I had to jump at the chance to see this film and MVD was kind enough to hook me up with a review copy.  Thanks guys!

     The film follows a documentary filmmaker who is searching for a horror director that disappeared at the pinnacle of his career with the only copy of his newest film Demonic.  The man interviews several cast and crew members of the film including a young lady that was part of the film's biggest scene who is very flirtatious with the director and tries extremely hard to find the filmmaker's whereabouts.  Sometime later the doc. director receives a post card with the possible whereabouts of the famed director Charlie Buckwald's location.  He follows the lead and finds him where he discovers he is now a recluse and paranoid of everyone and everything.  He is able to get close to Charlie where he reveals that he used magic to posses the young girl he met early in order to make an exorcism scene look real but was unable to control her.  She is now looking for the film and followed the documentary filmmaker back to Charlie where she will stop at nothing to get the last copy.  

     I really enjoy the films that Bressack has authored.  He always add depth to his characters and most of the time he does an amazing job at creating back stories which only pulls you into the lives of these characters that you will be spending an hour and a half with.  Auteur is able to capture that character's charm while throwing us in the middle of a fun story.  The acting in this one is solid but nothing that I would deem amazing.  The scene stealer is Ian Hutton who throws everything he has into his role creating a character you love to follow.  The remainder of the cast does a great job at carrying the story but they have no where the dedication that Hutton has.  The story for this one is one that starts out slow, hit the midway mark still barely crawling, and then unloads everything it has at you in the last portion of the film.  I really enjoyed the story once it hit it's peak and it really hit me with elements I did not expect.  Sadly, the film does take a very long time to get established resulting in bored viewers.  Finally, those looking for amazing on screen kills and practical effects with not find them here.  The film is pretty dry when it comes to blood.  Overall, Auteur is slow moving horror thriller that ends on a strong note.  The film has a solid cast and a story that is rich even though it is dry at first.  Check this one out!

Grimewave: Cockface 3

Director - Jason Matherne (Attack of the Cockface Killer)
Starring - Jason Beckhouse, Bill Heintz (Stabbed in the Face), and Steve Waltz (Goregasm)
Release Date - 2015
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "No sex is safe sex"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Sex and horror has always had a close connection on and off the screen.  Way back when at a time when the drive-in movies were scattered throughout America, teens would flock to see the late night creature feature in hopes of scaring the pants off their dates so they could "protect them" and cop a feel.  Then sex entered horror sometime in the late 50s and early sixties during the sexual revolution where it helped pull in the viewers.  Sex became a staple of horror flicks during this time where it continues today.  Horror is the first place many a young lad gets the chance to see a real boob instead of crudely drawn ones in school.  Anyway, a few nights ago my wife and daughter went out of town to see her family and left me behind with a few packs of beer.  While she was gone I decided it was the perfect time to have a bit of a sleazy triple feature.  After watching Snow Honeys and Milfs vs. Zombies I decided it was time to watch the third installment in the Cockface trilogy Grimewave: Cockface 3.  Thanks Jason for letting me check it out.  

     The film follows an underground crime scene ran by two rival gangs, the bikers and the Asian mob.  The two have a truce and after a successful business deal the Asian mob boss sends his black ninja to a massage parlor to pick up some cash.  However, the ninja is attacked and everyone in the parlor is murdered by the sex-craved mongoloid Cockface.  A news journalist learns that this kills resemble those of the Cockface and sets out to find him so he can interview him and rocket himself into stardom.  Sadly, no one believes him and he plunges into the world of crude sex and debauchery in order to draw him out.  This fails and he accidentally signs up for a sex competition where Cockface interrupts and starts killing the combatants before a showdown between him and another Cockface puts an ends the event.

     Those that have seen Attack of the Cockface Killer and Goregasm know that you never know what to expect from director Jason Matherne.  In his previous films he has showered us with blood, gore, and sexual secretions while delivering stories that will fuck with the viewer for days.  When I learned that Grimewave was in the works I had a metaphorical and literal hard on for this flick and could not wait until I saw it.  When I first tossed the film in I immediately knew that the film was going to be a hit and it never failed to deliver the ludicrous laughs and story.  The acting in this one is Troma-tastic.  The characters are all lovable and like able while never veering from the story at hand. Some of the characters are more entertaining than others and that is typical with any film but some roles were a little more demanding that others like balancing a nut sack on your face or sucking dick while in character.  Both these things are in the film which truly needs to be seen to be believed.  The story for this one is more of what we got in the first two flicks but with more sexual shenanigans.  This time the crazy dial is turned up to fucking 11 and we get more outlandish scenarios than we originally got in the first film.  Finally, the film has several on screen kills that mix both practical and visual effects and they do it very fucking well.  When it comes to indie horror, so many amazing kills with practical effects are ruined with CGI but not in Grimewave.     The kills use the CGI to improve the impact of the great practical effects.  The film also uses the CGI to make some great scenes that look colorful and fun as hell.  Overall, Grimewave: Cockface 3 is one of the dirtiest films I have ever seen just this side of an actual porn.  This film has everything you need; sleaze, blood, and a despicable killer.  If you like sleazy laugh filled films then you need this film in your life.  This is a modern classic for the fans of cinema that are sick in the head.  So enjoy you sick fucks!

Milfs vs. Zombies

Director - Brad Twigg (Ghoulish Tales)
Starring - Jenny Jannetty (Toxic Tutu), Chris O'Brocki (Live Free of Die Hard), and James Balsamo (Blood Slaughter Massacre)
Release Date - 2015
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - ""It's not a porno"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Milfs vs. Zombies is a film I have been following very closely from West Virginia filmmaker Brad Twigg.  Growing up in the mountain state, I have always been proud of the state I was born and raised in while at the same time resenting the particular part of the state that I lived.  This particular part of the is known the world over for being one of the poorest counties in the U.S.  When I moved I soon learned that the remainder of the state was very different and that the state was home to several filmmakers.  I soon met Brad through Facebook and he let me check out his anthology flick Ghoulish Tales and informed me of his upcoming flick Milfs vs. Zombies.  Now this was a horror comedy I had to see and when I learned that Ophelia Rain was involved I had to beat off to this one...I mean see it.  While my wife was out of town I had a sleazy triple feature and tossed in MvZ when I finished Snow Honeys.  Thanks Brad and Fuzzy Monkey Films for letting me check this one out before it was released!

     The film follows a group of milfs, or housewives for you feminist fucks, as they spend a night at home drinking some wine and talking dick while their husbands were out doing guy things and their kids were camping.  Unbeknownst to them, their husbands were hitting up a local whore house where no sex act was too perverse.  Sadly, both parties get cut short when the arrival of the undead breaks them up.  One of the men falls prey to the undead when a zombie bites him on the ass while two beautiful young women tie him up.  They fight their way back to the wives encountering several odd zombies along the way.  They reach their wives, learn that some have been cheating with other friends, and fight among each other until they remember that they have children.  They remember the kids are camping and go on a bloody rampage to find their offspring before they become zombie shit.  

     Before I actually saw the movie the only thing I had to go on for this flick was some stills and the trailer that was cut sometime before the film's release.  These stills really stirred up my curiosity and the trailer sealed the deal.  The film had just enough camp, sleaze, and low budget film making to be a hit.  The acting in this one is hard to criticize.  Our man stars of the film are great and equally amazing.  They bring the film to life and hold the viewer's attention.  Then we get some characters that are campy and cheesy while others are jut there purely for eye candy.  Thank you Brad for the eye candy!  The story for this one is another zombie outbreak flick but this one is full of sex, humor, and characters straight out of a Troma flick.  The film relies heavily on humor and there is more "what the fuck" moments then you can shake your dick at or something like that.  Finally, the film is full of gore, bloody boobs, and the undead.  The gore looks great and the practical effects are top notch.  The kills are nothing new but they throw just enough gore and sex appeal into it that the viewer can't look away.  Overall, Milfs vs. Zombies is fucking fun and hell.  If you don't shower after you watch this film then you clearly did not pay attention.  This is one fucking dirty horror film and one you will not want to miss.

Snow Honeys

Director - Joseph F. Robertson (Autie Lee's Meat Pies)
Starring - Kandi Barbour (Blowing Your Mind), Jenny Baxter (The Ganja Express), and Rene Bond (Disco Lady)
Release Date - 1983
Genre - Erotic
Tagline  - "They'll melt your inhibitions"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     When I first started writing reviews my goal was to watch films people no longer think about and had faded from memory over time.  I wanted to stay in the horror, thriller, exploitation, sci-fi genres but I have ventured off this path several times because my curiosity got the best of me.  This path has lead me down the sexploitation road a time or two but no matter how many times I check these films out I am never fully prepared for what I am about to see.  Sometime ago Impulse Pictures, Synapse Films sister company, sent me several erotic flicks to check out.  This really, and I mean really, pissed my wife off.  She demanded they be removed from the house but I can't give away or destroy something that was given to me so I hid them until I could check them out when I was alone for fear of losing my nethers.  This came about when she left town to visit her family in another state.  While she was gone I had one of the sleaziest triple features I have ever had.  The first film on the chopping block was Impulse's Snow Honeys.  

     The film follows Ken and Kara as they make their way to a cabin after skiing.  They are bitching that they only get paid $10 to shoot the film and laugh it off.  They then start introducing sex scenes from various scenarios ranging from men coming back from a business trip and crave some flesh to a parody of Superman where Superman is beeped out every time it is said.  After each segment we follow our hosts to their cabin where they undress and fully fuck.





     It's weird watching a sexploitation, porn, or erotic film from the 70s and 80s when you grew up during the internet porn revolution.  Just seeing the styles, culture, and the way they are shot is unlike anything those that grew up in the 90s saw unless their father had some old stag flicks in the closet.  Snow Honeys is unlike any other porn I had seen but instead it is an anthology flick.  I had never seen a porn that had a wrap around segment that actually tied them all together.  Most porn flicks that I have seen were just random scenes and that was it.  The acting in this is porn fabulous and anyone that has seen a real life fuck flick knows exactly what the fuck I am talking about.  The acting is cheesy, cliched, and awkward to watch.  Lucky for us the sex stops the cast from acting.  The story for these segments are non-existent with the only ones standing out being the unofficial Superman parodies.  These were comical but a bit of a nuisance to watch with all the beeping.  Sadly, this was before porn had fun, campy stories and the fucking was the focal point of the films.  Finally, this is a fuck flick and not a horror flick so it had no death scenes.  However, the sex scenes are wide open and those sleazy fans out there will definitely enjoy this one.  Overall, Snow Honeys is a porn film of it's time.  The film does not offer up much for story which is a bit of a let down for people like me who enjoy campy stories.  Those of you looking for a sleazy flick with a story, like myself, are wasting your time.  Those of you that like porn and want nothing but sex then toss this one in!