The VVitch

Director - Robert Eggers (Hansel and Gretel)
Starring - Anya Taylor-Joy (Vampire Academy), Ralph Ineson (Guardians of the Galaxy), and Kate Dickie (Game of Thrones)
Release Date - 2016
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "Evil takes many forms"
Format - Bluray (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Horror, just like any genre, finds itself absorbed by fads and trends which is understandable looking at it from a business sense.  When something sells it sells so it only makes sense to continue making a product that people are buying.  Horror has faced several trends over the years following torture porn, found footage, paranormal, and now zombies.  When movies try to set itself apart from the trends and gives the viewer something different for the time they are often met with ridicule.  That brings me to the film The Witch, or The VVitch for those of you that have read the poster.  The film has been getting mixed reviews among my horror peers. Some loved the film for the scenery, acting, and story telling while others hated it for being too boring.  Either way I love a good story centered around a witch so I reached out for a review copy and they were kind enough to hook me up.  Thanks guys!

     The film follows a strict Christian family that is excommunicated from their township.  They travel far from their home and set up a new home for themselves on the edge of the woods.  They live a reclusive life that is simple of the time but things take a bleak turn when their infant child goes missing.  The mother of the family hits a depression, which is understandable considering the situation.  Not long after the events, their oldest child, their daughter Thomasin, jokingly tells her twin siblings that she is a witch and consorts to the devil.  They tell their parents and their mother accuses her of being a witch while her father takes up for her.  Soon, her younger brother becomes ill where her mother once again accuses her of being a witch.  This time her father sympathizes with his wife and attempts to lock her in the barn but she tells her parents that her youngest siblings, the twins, is able to communicate with their goat, Black Phillip.  Their father locks them all in the barn with Black Phillip so he can attend to his grieving wife and now dead son.  When he awakens the next morning he finds Thomasin unconscious and covered in blood.  Bewildered, he goes to check on her and is attacked and killed by Black Phillip.  Thomasin awoke and saw the whole thing.  When she goes to check on her father her mother attacks her and blames her for the whole ordeal forcing Thomasin to kill her.  After losing everyone she loves, she speaks to Black Phillip who reveals his true self to her and welcomes her to his coven.
     They sure don't make horror like they used to.  Classic horror, I mean the real classics, like the Universal monster films and the Hammer horror flicks worked stories with suspense and tension.  Now horror films goes straight to the blood and gore and completely skips on the story and atmosphere.  That was why I was so excited to see The VVitch.  The acting in this one is perfect.  One of the best acted films I have seen rather it be indie or theatrical.  The cast is phenomenal.  I say that more often than not but this film is easily one of the best acted films I have ever been lucky enough to watch.  I have to point out how well the children act in this one.  I have seen thousands of films with children where they are far from convincing but the children in this film knock it out of the park.  If this film is remembered for anything it should be for it's amazing cast.  The story for this one is fantastic and rubbed me the wrong all at the same time.  The film's beginning is painfully slow and does very little to establish the characters and plot but it does eventually get going and when it does it brings about some of the best atmosphere and tension I have seen in a modern horror flick.  The film really knew how to play with suspense and then exploded with one of the greatest endings I have ever seen.  That imagery of the witches dances nude around the fire is now forever going to be one of my favorite horror scenes.  Finally, the film does not really offer up a lot of blood and gore.  We get a little blood and some very lackluster deaths but that is not the kind of horror film this one is.  This film relies heavily on story and the tension it is able to create around that.  Overall, The Witch is a fantastic horror film.  It's dark, moody, and brilliant.  The cast is out of this world and the film's ending is going to be iconic.  The film starts out slow but if you stick with it then it will deliver!

Expressway to Your Skull

Director - Michael Okum (Terminal)
Starring - Paul S. Tracey (Trauma), Lindsay Atwood (Medium), and Mark Aaron (The Guardsman)
Release Date - 2014
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "Get your dose"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Midnight Releasing and Brain Damage Films, two sister companies, has been really impressing me lately with the films they have released the last few months.  After I recently watched and reviewed Where the Devil Dwells I decided it was time to review another film that was sent my way to check out several weeks ago.  That film, Expressway to Your Skull, was sent a month or so before WtDD was released.  I really enjoyed that film and decided to give it a go.  This was one of the films where the story was nowhere near that entertaining or original but the cast made it worth the watch.  Thanks guys for sending this one my way to check out!

     The film follows a young couple that finds themselves in the middle of something that could find them on the wrong side of the law.  They skip town and decide to make it a vacation.  They go camping to get back at nature, as well as, trip their balls off on shrooms.  Sadly, he had scored some weak shit and the two start fighting about their current situation when an older man approaches them in the dead of night.  He introduces himself and tells him he has a camp not too far away.  They chat it up for a bit and he parts ways with the young couple.  A day or so passes and the couple is still fighting when the man arrives again.  He tells them that he has some good shit as his camp and invited them over.  The young couple agrees and follows him back where he pulls a gun on them and plans on using her for a pagan ritual.
     Usually when I like a film I like it because of the way it was written and executed.  A well written story with memorable characters and great gore will go a long way with me.  With that being said, I sometimes get a film in to review and the story was just not there but the gore, imagination behind the kills, and the characters will win me over.  Expressway to Your Skull is one of those strange films that catches me somewhere in between.  The acting in this one is nothing short of brilliant.  The cast really made the film what it is with Mark Aaron stealing the show.  His performance was intense and almost jaw-dropping.  If anyone was to don his beard and raise the gun in his shoes the film would have been a disaster.  This was perfect casting if you ask me.  The story for this one is one we have seen before and immediately reminds me of an American rendition of Wolf Creek.  I was a fan of Wolf Creek but the film does not really try to separate itself from the other films until the very end with the pagan/viking angle.  A little more time dedicated to the writing process would have made this one a hit.  Finally, those of you looking for bloodshed will, sadly, be disappointed.  A film with a title like this would make one think that it would be covered by blood and gore but that is far from the case.  We do get some on screen kills but they are weak and not very imaginative.  The effects are decent for the kills we get but that is about as far as it goes.  Overall, Expressway to Your Skull was a great film.  Story was lacking and the kills were bland but the cast is fucking phenomenal.  The characters really jump off the screen.  Check this one out if you have a chance.  You will not be disappointed.

The Girl From Rio

Director - Jess Franco (Oasis of the Zombies)
Starring - Shirley Eaton (The Million Eyes of Sumuru), Richard Weyler (The Ugly Ones), and George Sanders (The Jungle Book)
Release Date - 1969
Genre - Action/Adventure'
Format - Bluray (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     My little retreat from horror continues as I check out the second half of the Sumuru double feature sent to me for review from Blue Underground.  A few nights back I was able to check out the action adventure spy film The Million Eyes of Sumuru.  The film was was surprisingly entertaining and really peaked my interest when it comes to spy films from the late 60s.  The second film in the set, Girl From Rio, was directed by Jess Franco who is often hit or miss with me.  I was excited to see where this tale would take me considering how it ended and I really enjoy Franco's style so I was very excited to check it out.  Sadly, it was a bit of a let down and did not feel like a Franco film.  

     The film follows a secret agent pretending to be a crook with 10 million dollars in his possession.  He lands in Rio and is immediately thrust in the middle of a war between a local crime boss and the all female army lead by Sumuru.  Sumuru then makes her move and grabs the secret agent thinking he has the cash where he quickly reveals that he actually does not have the cash.  She then uses him for her sinister plans only to come face to face with the war that she brought to her very own doorstep.  

     The Million Eyes of Sumuru had a pretty interesting story that honestly kept me watching.  Thought it wasn't nothing groundbreaking it still entertained which is all I ask of any movie.  The Girl from Rio gave us more of the same but with nothing new or different.  This installment could have been skipped entirely.  The acting in this one is more of what we got in the first Sumuru installment.  The cast delivers a solid performance but they are not that memorable and none of the characters stand out.  Even Eaton's performance seems like it was dialed down.  She was the most entertaining aspect of the first film and her character seems like it was almost written out.  The story for this one is more of what we got with the first film following a secret agent who infiltrates Sumuru's all female army to bring them down.  Nothing was done to try and set itself apart from the other film.  If the film would have tried to give us a different story with a little different bit of a twist then the film would have been fun but it wasn't.  Finally, this installment has a lot more action than the first film but it is very repetitive and quickly loses it's momentum.  The film really needed to pace out the action sequences and try to give the viewer something different instead of the same thing over and over.  Overall, The Girl from Rio is a poor sequel and one of the few misses directed from one of the greats, Jess Franco.  

The Million Eyes of Sumuru

Director - Lindsay Shonteff (Devil Doll)
Starring - Frankie Avalon (Horror House), George Nader (Alfred Hitchcock Presents), and Shirley Eaton (The Blood of Fu Manchu)
Release Date - 1967
Genre - Action/Adventure
Tagline "She rules a palace of pleasure...for women"
Format - Bluray (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Most of the time, almost 99% of the time, I get horror films to review from distribution companies and independent filmmakers alike.  I love it, I truly do but watching two or three horror flicks a day starts to wear down on a person regardless of how fond of the genre they really are.  When I am sent something other than horror I often greet it with optimism and a great break from the everyday blood and gore that I am so used to seeing.  Recently Blue Underground released two Sumuru films on bluray in a double feature.  The first of the two films is the 1967 The Million Eyes of Sumuru. Thanks Blue Underground for sending this beautiful release my way!

     The film follows a secret agent who is tasked with infiltrating the evil organization ran by Sumuru (Eaton).  Sumuru is an evil woman wants to rid the world of it's male leaders and replace it with her own female agents.  The agent is soon apprehended by Sumuru where she reveals her evil plan to him.  The agent, along with another agent, slowly convert other members of her group to join their cause and are able to topple Sumuru and her evil organization with the local militia.
     I'm not too familiar with the spy films of the late 60s but if they are anything like The Million Eyes of Sumuru then I may be checking them out.  I was never a Bond fan but to be completely honest, I never really gave the films a chance.  With that being said, I really enjoyed The Million Eyes of Sumuru.  The acting in this one is not that great but it does do it's job.  The cast is enjoyable, for the most part, and Eaton is the star of the show.  This story had to be written with Eaton in mind as Sumuru.  She was sexy, provocative, and seriously evil.  This film would not have been the same without her.  The story for this one is fun but very cheesy and cliched.  The film following a secret agent infiltrating a secret organization made up entirely of women was actually pretty fun.  Some beautiful women wearing next to nothing playing the bad guy was pretty sexy if you ask me.  Sadly, the story does not reach an action packed climax like one would assume considering how the story goes.  Instead, we get a small action sequence and then it just ends.  Makes me think the film was never properly finished.  Finally, those of you looking for blood and guts clearly did not read any of my review before now.  The film has some minor action but no great kills and practical effects we long for.  Overall, The Million Eyes of Sumuru is a great late 60s spy film that has a solid story and a decent cast.  It holds the time well but does not really deliver on the action.  If you are looking for a break from the horror then check this one ut!

Sadistic Eroticism

Director - Alex Powers (American Slasher)
Starring - Kirsty Hill (A Haunted House 2), T. J. Akins (Dysmorphia), and Michael Q. Schmidt (John Dies at the End)
Release Date - 2012
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "What did you learn at school today?"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     I love no budget horror full of wacky characters and tasteless humor.  I grew up on the horror classics like Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, the Universal monster movies, and the Evil Dead trilogy.  However, things changed when I first watched Toxic Avenger.  From that day forward I was obsessed with the horror that focused on crazy, out of this world stories and not just creatures terrorizing teens on make out lane.  I wanted killer condoms, tentacles coming out of vaginas, puppets fucking in showers, and any other random act of insanity that you can cram into an average length film.  Sometime ago my friends over at Wild Eye Releasing sent me several films to check out.  Among the pile of DVDs was a copy of the 2012 horror comedy Sadistic Eroticism.  The DVD looked awesome and featured artwork from Devon Moorehead.  I was very curious how this one would turn out so I tossed it in the second I had an opportunity.  Thanks Wild Eye for sending another one my way!

     The film takes place in Chastity High where the kids are taught strict Christian values by the staff.  The principal is a bdsm freak who loves the younger men, the female teacher is older and hates her job, and the janitor is somewhat psychic.  The kids history teacher suffers a fall when the she slips on some lube that one of her students used on her dildo.  They then get a new substitute teacher and she is unlike any they have seen before.  Their new teacher preys on the sexual energy of her promiscuous students to keep her youthful beauty.  As the students fall prey to her sexual charm it is up to the school's outcast to stop her before she gets her hands on everyone in school.
     I love Wild Eye.  I really do.  Hell, I even went as far as to have their old logo tattooed on my arm.  I pretty much enjoy every film they have ever released with the exception of just a few but sometimes they release one that leaves me wondering what they were thinking.  Sadistic Eroticism is one of those times.  The acting in this one is atrocious and not even in a funny, cheap horror film kind of way.  As I stated earlier, I love Troma films, as well as, the works of Chris Seaver, Mike Hartman, and so many more that create characters to be bad just for the sake of being bad but the acting in this one is just horrible.  The cast has no volume control or idea of where they are going with their dialogue.  They just spit or yell their dialogue out at one another which does not sit very well with the viewer.  It was painfully clear that they had no direction when these scenes were being filmed.  The story for this one has potential but is unable to capitalize on the story they are working with.  An indie horror film about a succubus staring Sophie Dee and this is the best you can do with it?  Execution was horrible and the running time needed trimmed down from the abysmal 2 hours that we get.  The story is too flat to have the finished product last that long.  Finally, those of you looking for blood and gore will need to look somewhere else to get your fix.  However, if you want to watch the extremely sexy Sophie Dee prance around half dressed then look no further.  Overall, Sadistic Eroticism is not the film for me and I would almost bet that it's not the film for you either.  The movie has horrible acting, a poorly executed story, and no blood or gore.  Skip it.  

Crazy Lake

Director(s) - Chris Leto (Rough Cut) and Jason Henne (Claustrophobia)
Starring - Libby Blanton (Eastbound and Down), Rob Mello (Badass 3: Badasses on the Bayou), and Marco DelVecchio (Snapped: Killer Couples)
Release Date - 2016
Genre - Horror
Format - Streaming (Online Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     There is several films that I have been following closely over the last few months.  These films look amazing and are coming from filmmakers that I love and respect.  We have upcoming films from Adam Ahlbrandt, Chris Woods, Steve Rudzinski, Dustin Mills.  This year is the year for horror if you ask me.  One film that I have been really excited about checking out is Chris Leto's Crazy Lake which he co-directed with Jason Henne.  Chris has sent me several images from the film and they looked phenomenal.  Truly unlike anything of his I have seen before.  I have begged Chris to let me check the film out when it was time and he recently sent it over my way.  I'm glad he did because this movie was beautiful.

     The film follows a group of twenty-somethings as they venture out into the woods to a cabin owned by a relative of one of the men.  It was his uncles cabin and no one uses it anymore which provides the perfect setting to party down.  The legend has it that several pharmaceutical companies used the lake nearby as a testing ground where they force fed men different drugs to test the results which resulted in several of them turning crazy and killing everyone that enters their land.  Now the teens are drinking and partying unaware of the history the land holds.  Things take a dark turn when one of the men in the group suspects that the one that is hosting this little party is harboring a secret.  His first cousin is one of those men and he brought them their so he can kill them.

      I was impressed when I first heard the concept behind Crazy Lake.  That story holds endless possibilities if approached correctly.  I was curious how Leto and Henne would approach this and I can see that they handled this one perfectly and knocked it out of the park.  The acting in this one is solid.  No one really stands out from the others and no character is more memorable than the other but they still did a great job.  Leagues above most of the other indie horror productions that I have reviewed in the past.  With that being said, how fucking hot are these women?  Good god are they beautiful.  The story for this one can be looked at two different ways.  The film flows like pretty much every other slasher in the woods flick you have seen from the 1980s until today.  We get the unsuspecting teenagers/twenty-somethings doing things they should not do in the woods where something horrible has happened in the past and possibly several times since then. In that aspect this film is sub-par to mediocre.   We then get the masked killer who is hulking around and killing them one by one before entering the final girl showdown.  The second way to look at it is the origin story and how this can spawn several more films with countless killers.  I really enjoyed that aspect of the film and how it did a great job setting itself up.  Finally, the film does have some bloody deaths with some great kills and even better practical effects.  Some of the kills are stock slasher kills but other are fun with some solid practical effects that brings it on home.  Overall, Crazy Lake is a beautifully shot horror film that has a good cast and an even better story.  Crazy Lake is going to be a modern classic.  Mark my words.  The film has it all, boobs, blood, and boobs.  Check it out when you can.