Starring - Christine Nguyen (Get Him to the Greek, The Coed and the Zombie Stoner), Heather Vandeven (Pleasure Spa, Badass!), and Rebecca Love (The Hills Have Thighs, The Departed)
Release Date - 2010
Genre - Adventure
Format - Bluray (Personal Collection)
Rating (out of 5):
Fred Olen Ray is a filmmaker unlike any other. His career has spanned since the late 70s with his helming several iconic horror films through the 80s and early 90s before slowly shifting into the softcore parodies. I love a good sleazy flick but Ray really turned me into a fan with his horror titles. With that being said, I'll never turn down a chance to see nudity. A few weeks ago my friends over at Makeflix was doing a 30 day pre-order for a new Retromedia blu release. This double feature included Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros along with All Babe Network. I went ahead and snagged it and couldn't wait to spin it.
The film follows Dr. Jones (Nguyen) who is tasked with stealing a totem from an evil millionaire. The totem is said to show the location of the lost temple of Eros and legend states that whoever wears the tiara found in the temple controls all it's fortune. She is able to steal it and cypher the totem to discover where the lost temple is but Evilla is hot on her tail and wants the fortune for herself.
I didn't expect Bikini Jones to be a masterpiece but I was hoping for a sleazy good time. However, the movie was short on story and oddly lacking energy during the sex scenes. It's not often I find myself bored during a softcore flick but Bikini Jones did it. It was clearly a rushed cash cow on the Indiana Jones name. The acting in this one is exactly what you would expect from a softcore porn parody of Indiana Jones. Surprisingly, I enjoyed the characters we were given and the cast delivers a little better performances than you would find in a Sy-Fy original. Nguyen could take over the world with her smile and she did a great job as Bikini Jones. The entire cast goes all in but their sex scenes are sexy but super dull even for a softcore flick. Honestly, a SFW print could be made of this one and it would be a lot better than it is. The story for this one is an obviously cheap parody of Indiana Jones that takes the caves and adventure out of the story and puts it in luxury apartments and the bed. It's unoriginal and even the sleazy aspect feels forced. Finally, no blood or gore in this one. A lot of skin and a CGI dinosaur are the only things to focus your eyes on. The skin is nice and the dinosaur, not so much. Overall, Bikini Jones was not as fun as I was hoping for. The bodies looked nice but the story was not as wild and exciting as I had hoped for. Sadly, this is one I would skip.
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