Thursday, December 5, 2024

Amityville Turkey Day


Director(s) - Will Collazo Jr. (Night of the Zombghouls, Theater of Horror) and Julie Anne Prescott (Bed and Rotting, Seeded)
Starring - Paul Faggione (Bloody Nun 2: The Curse, Empires of New York), Natalie Peri (The Corn's Children, Bloody Nun 3: The Beginning), and Mark C. Fullhardt (Paradise City, Turned Out)
Release Date - 2022
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "Get stuffed mother clucker"
Format - Streaming (Tubi)

Rating (out of 5):


     When it comes to horror properties, no franchise has as many unofficial "sequels" as the classic Amityville Horror.  The original film did spawn several sequels, a prequel, and a remake but since then filmmakers the world over has slapped Amityville on the title of a film they have just to make a few bucks.  I say this knowing damn well that films like Amityville Vibrator and Amityville Christmas Vacation exists and I love them both but we have to be real here.  Almost all of these Scamityville films suck.  The only reason people are watching them is to see just how bad they truly are.  Sometime back I was browsing Thanksgiving titles on Tubi when I came across Amityville Turkey Day.  I needed some more Thanksgiving horror in my life and decided to add it to my queue.  Wish I hadn't.
     The film follows an indie movie production that has set up in the home of a possible serial killer who is now on the run.  The director, who happens to be the main star of the film, is a junkie and is more worried about blow and bitches than the film itself.  As the crew arrives and makes themselves at home, they are picked off one by one by a turkey with the help of the properties caretaker. 
     Amityville Turkey Day was a complete blind buy so to speak.  While I didn't spend money on it, I went into it knowing nothing about it.  Sadly, it was a messy film and not in a good way.  What we have is a film where the cast doesn't have their heart in it and the story is all over the place.  I went into this one hoping for a few cheap laughs and some fun deaths and was greeted by neither.  The acting in this one is very uneven and a few scenes felt as if the cast were not that invested in the film.  The dialogue through most of the film feels forced and not very genuine.  I don't know what kind of shoot the film had but the final result feels rushed and flat.  The story for this one is clearly inspired by the no budget Thanksgiving cult classic Thankskilling.  We have a film crew in a serial killer's home filming a horror film only to be slaughtered by a turkey.  We get some not so funny one liners and a lot of drawn out scenes with stiff performances.  It's clearly heavily inspired by Thankskilling and set against the Amityville gimmick.  Honestly, it could have been a lot of fun if it just had some heart and the cast was passionate about the project.  Finally, the film has some unimaginable deaths.  The film could have incorporated so many Thanksgiving themed deaths but went the slasher route.  Sadly, they are all forgettable and offer up nothing enjoyable for the viewer.  Overall, Amityville Turkey Day was a huge miss.  How could a smart ass killer turkey movie be such a drag?  It's clear that they relied on the title to sell the film instead of the movie itself.  This is one you should skip.  

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