Brutal Jesus and the House of Wasted Youth

Director - Nik Box (Dracula vs The Ninja on the Moon), & Alex Dawson

Staring - Steven Newton, Ben Brett, and Nik Box

Release Date - 2010

Genre - Horror/Exploitation

Tagline - "Mess with his faith, he'll mess with your life"

Rating (out of 5):

     It's astonishing at how many low budget movies are made each year that billions of people never know about.  Some of my favorite films are made on shoestring budgets and many of today's Hollywood A listers got their start on shitty horror movies.   Films produced by low budget companies like Razor Sharp Productions, Cinemassacre, Full Moon, and Troma release some quality films that definitely hit your entertainment g-spot and many people never get the chance to watch em.  Then there are some being released that make you wanna punch your grandma in her vagina and catch your baby cousin on fire.  This is one of them.  While looking at random trailers on youtube I just happened across someone giving this one a review.  I watched a few other reviews he had done and came to the conclusion that he had good taste.  Once again, I am allowed to be wrong once in awhile.  The synopsis and cover art for this film sucked me in and had me pumped to watch it.  Who wouldn't want to see a modern slasher/exploitation film starring the savior of our souls?

      The film follows Jesus of Nazareth, or Jesus H. Christ as most of you know him as, as he crashes a drug party.  Jesus, after letting himself in a house inhabited by British scene kids, goes on a bloody rampage killing all those in the home.  He starts his murderous rampage by poisoning the tea of one of the wasted youths with bug spray.  He then strangles, suffocates, and bashes the skull of a few more of the stoners before it is revealed as to why Jesus is against the youngsters having a good time.  In a black and white flashback Jesus is in the park with two other guys preaching to them about the bible and heaven when a group approach him and beat the shit out of him.  The film picks back up and Jesus kills the rest of the gang and the movie ends...literally.

     I love a good exploitation film.  Movies like Death Proof, Dear God No, and Father's Day are great modern examples of classic exploitation while the older classics like the Ilsa series and others are great flicks that have great replay value.  This pile of shit took everything horrible in a grindhouse flick and left out everything that makes one entertaining.  The movie uses grainy camera effects and cheesy music  typical in a grindhouse flick.  Also, this one, like most exploitation films, completely skips on story which is cool for all the good ones but this one did something completely different.  It sucks balls.  Large, hairy, sticky balls.  Nothing is entertaining in this film.  First off, Jesus is running around wearing a big ass bed sheet as a gown.  The gown is huge and makes him look like he's wearing those inflatable sumo suites and deflated it.  He looks so damn stupid.  Also,  after a few kills the movie goes into this crazy psychedelic sequence that just shows Jesus' face in different colors while this stupid 70's porn music plays.  It makes no sense at all.  When it comes to slasher movies, and exploitation films a like, you expect some awesome over the top kills with lots of blood and boobs.  Neither of them appear in this shitfest.  Some kills is just him putting a plastic bag over their face and they flop around like a limp dick on a nude male jogger while the other kills are just his face up close as we assume he his strangling them.  Nothing about this film is entertaining.  The company that made this intended it to be part one in a series of films they termed "Christploitation" and just recently released a sequel called Wrath of the Violent Vicar.  Trailers on youtube make it look  awesome, but then again the trailer for this one did too.   Stay away unless your in to bondage because you will definitely get some satisfaction from this torture of a film.