Squandered Potential Double Feature

LIZARDMAN
Writer: Francis Abbey, Steve Goldenberg
Director: Peter Dang
Starring:  Alejandra Bejar, Steven M Blasini, Brittany Blaze
Availability: DVD Available at www.alternativecinema.com
Rating:

THE BIKER WARRIOR BABE VS THE ZOMBIE BABIES FROM HELL
Writer/Director: Jeremiah Morehouse
Starring: Brii Davis, Jake Dylman, Jessica Bloom
Availability: None at the moment
Rating:

 

    So, one of the worst things about being an avid fan of indie cinema is the amount of movies that have some strong ideas, but are hampered by poor choices made by the directors, and an all around sense of amateurism.  I know that making movies is a learning experience, and not everyone gets it right.  Still, if you don't have the means to achieve your ambitious visions, then it doesn't hurt to think small.  Tonight, I'm going to cover a couple recent films that could have been good, but instead settled on being merely mediocre.

    First off, let's talk about Peter Dang's LizardMan.  This movie is an obvious love letter to the creature features of the 50s.  For this reason alone, I should love it.  Even the plot is pure 50's era schlock.  A billionaire, who as a teen survived an encounter with a mysterious lizard man, decides to use his fortune to enlist a group of mercenaries and a TV personality to help capture the monster, and exploit him.  For starters, I will say there are some good things about this movie.  The acting, while nothing to write home about, is certainly decent for the most part.  The writing is passable, and I'm glad they decided to use an actual rubber suit for the creature.

    However, one thing that really brings this movie down are the abysmal CGI effects.  I detest awful, cheap CGI.  I understand it's an economical thing for a lot of modern indie directors to use, but if you can't make it look good, it can hurt you film immensely.  The other problem with this movie is that it's just not very interesting.  The characters lack much in the way of personality, and the movie doesn't have one bit of style.  In fact, it feels no better than your typical made for TV movie.  It's certainly watchable, and has its moments, but overall, this is a movie that had the ingredients to be an entertaining throwback, and settled on being a forgettable bore.

    The next movie I'm going to cover had me sold almost immediately.  For one thing, the movie is called The Biker Warrior Babe Vs The Zombie Babies From Hell.  Doesn't that title just sound fucking awesome?  Then I saw the cover art, which made me even more excited.  I couldn't wait to pop this bad boy in, and revel in what I was certain was going to be some sort of modern day cult classic.  Wrong!  Now, don't get me wrong.  This movie had a lot more personality than LizardMan, but the movie had so many problems, I was never able to invest in anything that was unfolding on screen.

    For starters, we need to once again focus on the effects.  Look, the idea of a swarm of zombie babies attacking a community is certainly ripe with possibilities.  However, I'd rather see foam rubber dolls than this embarrassing excuse for CG work that hurts the movie whenever the babies show up on screen.  Another problem with this movie, and this is a common issue I see in so many indie films, is the sound.  There were several occasions when I had to struggle to make out what the actors were saying.  Even the lighting, mostly in dark outdoor shots, was incredibly problematic.  Seriously, the whole time I watched this movie, I got the feeling I was watching something that was unfinished.  Hopefully, before the movie reaches distribution, they can iron out some of the technical flaws, because they are quite distracting.

    Otherwise, though, this movie is not a half bad little flick.  It has some charming characters.  The actors are all pretty good in it.  There's a good bit of humor on display, too.  This is why this movie was so frustrating.  There were so many times when I found myself wanting to like the movie.  I mean, it was obvious everyone has having a lot of fun making it.  However, I just couldn't look past the numerous technical flaws, and instead I just couldn't shake the feeling that there's a good movie in here somewhere.  I just don't know if any of us will ever see it.

    I hate picking on indie movies.  I really do.  Underground cinema is near and dear to my heart.  However, as a reviewer and avid film fan, it's so frustrating when a director lacks the cinematic know how to make their product noteworthy.  I'd rather watch bad movies made my passionate auteurs than mediocre movies made by would be hacks.  There are things to recommend in both of these flicks, and keep in mind I am but one man and his opinion.  Still, there are better ways to spend your time, and far more talented directors who are worth spending your money on.

    Until next time, my fellow freaks and weirdos...