Call Girl of Cthulhu

Director - Chris LaMartina (Witch's Brew, WNUF Halloween Special)
Starring - David Phillip Carollo (Fiendish Fables), Melissa O'Brien (WNUF Halloween Special), and Nicolette Le Faye (The Chainsaw Sally Show)
Release Date - 2014
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "She's turning wet dreams into nightmares"
Format - BluRay (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Chris LaMartina is a director that I never hear people talk about but I see his movies pop up here and there in Facebook posts or on horror forums.  This young filmmaker has brought us the modern indie classics Witch's Brew and President's Day along with the now seasonal classic WNUF Halloween Special.  These films are some of my favorite in my collection but I am shocked as to why I rarely see people mention this amazing filmmaker.  Sometime ago LaMartina announced his newest film would be Call Girl of Cthulhu.  This was huge news for me considering how much of a fan I am of H.P. Lovecraft and LaMartina.  Hell, I sport a tattoo of Cthulhu on my arm.  The film was picked up by Camp Motion Pictures and is soon to be released in a blu/DVD combo pack.  They were kind enough to send a review copy my way.  Thanks guys!
     The film follows a struggling artist who is having a hard time giving his v-card away.  His roommate (Le Faye) is constantly getting some dick action and recommends that he maybe pay for a little booty so he turns to a call girl that has been sleeping with most of the people in his apartment building.  When they finally meet she finds something attractive about his innocence and instead of fucking, the two talk while he paints a portrait on her where he discovers a strange birthmark in the shape of an octopus on her ass.  The next day he is commissioned by these strange people to draw an exact replica of an old book they are holding tightly and rambling on about stopping the end of the world.  He agrees to it and stays up all night replicating the old book.  The following day he sees the call girl again while her pimp and some other call girls attend a party where they discover that the party is actually a trick to find a call girl with a birthmark on her ass.  The people that threw the party, a Cthulhu cult, want to use her to resurrect Cthulhu.  The pimp spills the beans about the other call girl having the same birthmark they ask for and they track her down dragging the virgin in the middle of it.  He must then fight the death cult, fishmen, cannibal whores, and Cthulhu in order to find true love.
     I had no idea what to expect when I first learned of the project.  LaMartina's slasher President's Day was a more straight forward slasher while his horror comedy Witch's Brew was something I would expect to come from Troma.  The film obviously went the horror comedy route but it greatly exceeded my expectations in every way.  When the film wants horror it gave us balls to the wall horror but when it wanted to make us laugh it left us in stitches.  The acting in this one is fucking amazing.  The film's break out performance comes from lead actor David Phillip Carollo.  He was fantastic in his role and really committed himself to his character.  He also has an amazing supporting cast.  Melissa O'Brien is great in her own way and draws emotions from the viewer.  This is rare in an indie performance.  It was also great seeing Nicolette Le Faye have a major role in another horror hit.  Fans may remember her as Busy Bee in the Chainsaw Sally series.  I could honestly watch this hottie for days!  The story for this one is one we have seen several times over the years but never in this way.  There has been so many horror, action, and fantasy films follow an evil trying to resurrect an ancient beast or god and must do so with the blood, heart, and so forth or someone born with the mark.  With that being said. none go to the absurd lengths that this film has.  The film takes the same story spun before and adds the Cthulhu mythos to it along with some sleaze and potty humor.  The film rarely has a dull moment.    Finally, the film is full of great practical effects and on screen kills.  The film has some top notch practical effects.  The creatures all look great.  This reminded me so much of an 80s creature feature in that aspect and I fucking loved it.  We also get some bloody kills on screen with just as impressive practical effects.  Overall, Call Girl of Cthulhu is a phenomenal midnight movie.  The film is funny, nasty, and sleazy with a great story and an amazing cast.  This is a film that people need to see and I predict this one will become a classic.  Check this one out as soon as possible.