Fangboner

Director - Nathan Rumler
Starring - Emily Hilborn, Brian Papandrea (Chubbied), and Terence Lee Cover (Funeral Home Horror)
Release Date - 2015
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     The last few weeks I was lucky enough to catch several vampire flicks which was a bit of a change of pace from my usual slasher and zombie viewing.  Mixing it up like this was fun and helped bring me back to enjoy writing reviews again.  Sometime ago I checked out Blood Orgy at Beaver Lake and Chubbies from Silver Bullet Pictures.  Blood Orgy was not a movie I enjoyed but Chubbies was fucking fantastic.  I looked up several cast members on Facebook and discovered that Nathan Rumler was working on a film with Brian Papandrea.  This flick was a horror comedy about vampirism.  I reached out to Rumler and he was kind enough to hook me up with a review copy of the film.  Sadly, it did not work properly so I had to wait on a replacement disc to show up.  Thank Nathan for hooking me up.

     The film follows party boy Dick (Papandrea).  He gets a booty call from a hottie he hooked up with before named...well he can't remember her name but knows she is a fine piece of ass.  He meets up with her and excuses himself to go piss when he discovers bite marks on his pecker.  He panics but refuses to tell the girl.  The girl is dying to suck his dick, but instead, he talks her into letting him eat her out where his tongue mutates and mutilates her coot.  She awakens and the two believe they are vampires and have to feed on human genitalia.  This is when Dick realizes that this is happening because he got a blowjob from a girl at a party the night before.  They go on a genital mutilation spree and soon their brain starts to deteriorate unless they get some coke in their system to help them think clearly (just like everyone in the 90s). While this is going on the young girl who bit his dick is actually an alien and is ordered to go back to Earth and kill him before he can infect others resulting in this newly formed couple having to fight for their lives.

     I love a good horror comedy and I love them even more when they are full of fart and wiener jokes.  That is one of the reasons I loved Chubbies so much and why I will always support Troma. Fangboner, if the title didn't give it away, is full of this kind of humor that appeals to those that grew up with South Park and Jackass.  The acting in this one is great.  Brian Papandrea is awesome and plays one convincing idiot and party boy.  His role, along with Emily Hilborn, is an up and down role which requires a lot out of the two.  The film begins with their characters in full effect but as the film progresses the two become bumbling idiots before going back to their original state. This would be very confusing for most actors but these two are able to pull that off perfectly.  Also, Emily Hlborn is hot as hell.  Is that a Supernatural tattoo?  If so, will you marry me?  The remainder of the cast is great as well.  We get a solid mix of serious characters and oddball characters like the nude alien and the Hebrew/Jewish drug dealer (which ever is the correct PC way of saying it. Don't want an angry bro sending me hate mail).  The story for this one is a rather unique spin on what we believe vampires to be and proof that you can turn anything into a dick joke.  The film flows fairly well and leaves little room for down time which is great for fans with a short attention span.  The story also has a lot of humor and mixes several horror elements like vampires and aliens in a way that has only happened a few times over the years with Vampire Whores from Outer Space being the first that comes to mind.  Finally, the film does have a few on screen kills that are bloody and funny.  These kills are solid and were made for those hardcore gorehounds.  The practical effects for these are hit and miss.  Some are solid and great while others miss their mark and show the film's budget.  Overall, Fangboner is one hell of a time.  This is the film for the horror fan that can't keep his dick in his pants.  Check it out because this is one you will not want to pass up.