Thursday, December 24, 2015

A Nightmare Before XXXmas

Director - Joanna Angel (A Very Adult Wednesday Addams, Killer Kleavage from Outer Space)
Starring - Small Hands (Vampire Cheerleaders, How the Grinch Gaped Christmas) and Joanna Angel (The Walking Dead: A Hardcore Parody, Evil Head)
Release Date - 2015
Genre - Horror
Format - Streaming (Online Screener)

Rating (out of 5):
     Burning Angel is one of two porn production companies that I follow. I'm not really a porn kinda guy but I don't mind watching a girl get pounded as long as their is a fun story attached to it.  However, Burning Angel has a way to pull me into the porn scene with their hilarious horror porn parodies.  They first caught my attention when they released Re-Penetrator which was a porn parody of the 1984 Stuart Gordon classic Re-Animator.  They then followed that up with porn parodies of The Exorcist (The XXXorcist), Frankenstein (Fuckenstein), Dawn of the Dead (Dong of the Dead), The Craft (The Shaft), and Killer Klowns from Outer Space (Killer Kleavage from Outer Space).  A few weeks back they announced that owner and performer Joanna Angel would be directing and starring in a new parody and this time they would be taking on the children's holiday classic A Nightmare Before Christmas.  I had to see it.  I reached out to them and they were kind enough to hit me up with a link to the online screener.  Thank you very much for allowing me to check it out.
     The film follows horny ragdoll Sally (Angel) who has a horrible dream concerning Jack and his "Christmas package."  She heads out to look for him but is unable to find him.  While she waits, she decides to fuck herself with a dildo until he arrives.  She gives herself a good fucking on a snow covered rock.  When she finishes Jack (Hands) appears.  Sally tells her about her horrible nightmare and he assures her that there is nothing to worry about.  He then fucks her.

     I know I'm in the minority on this, but I don't watch the porn parodies for the sex.  The hottie getting boned is a bonus.  I watch the porn parodies to laugh at the sleazy rendition of your favorite films.  Evil Head is easily my favorite parody from Burning Angel.  It was a 2 hour flick with lots of sex scenes but lots of story telling that pokes fun at one of my favorite horror films.  The XXXorcist is the worst in my opinion.  Sex in pea soup was utterly disgusting and took the viewer away from the sexy model.  I knew A Nightmare Before XXXmas would not follow the same path that XXXorcist did and was hoping that it told a story like Evil Head did.   Sadly it did not.  The acting in this one is porn bad.  Joanna and Small Hands both tried their best but their typical acting is different than other actors.  In their line of work they sell sex and not dialogue.  There is also a small musical number that was funny but the humor is unintentional.  Small Hands tries to sing and dance to music he composed but it was just bad.  The story for this one non-existence.  Now, I know you are thinking that a porn doesn't need a story but you have obviously never seen Evil Head and the story it has to offer.  The story just goes from Sally waiting and fucking herself to Jack dancing and then fucking Sally.  That's it.  Finally, this is not a horror porn like the others from Burning Angel.  There is no bloody deaths and tons of gore.  Instead, we get sex in the snow against a CGI imprinted background.  Overall, A Nightmare Before XXXmas is not the horror porn parody you would expect from Burning Angel.  The faithful story is not there and the campy kills we love are absent.  I can not recommend this one.  

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