Sharkenstein

Director - Mark Polonia (Bigfoot vs. Zombies)
Starring - Greta Volkova (Tales of Dracula), James Carolus (Empire of the Apes), and Titus Himmelberger (Amityville Exorcism)
Release Date - 2016
Genre - Horror/Sci-Fi/Comedy
Format - DVD (Personal Collection) (Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Way back when, almost 20 years now, I started collecting movies.  I didn't care of the format.  If it was a movie I wanted it.  I had a few dozen VHS and another few dozen VHS.  Around this time I made one of my many trips to the local video store and discovered that it had changed owners.  The new owner was going to keep a horror section but had a good portion of the horror VHS on DVD already so they were selling those VHS dirt cheap.  If I remember right they were letting them go a quarter a pop.  One of those VHS was Feeders 2: Slay Bells.  I never watched the film before but for a quarter I didn't want to leave it behind.  I grabbed it and tossed it on my shelf.  A friend of mine borrowed it one time and said it looked like it was recorded from tv.  I didn't care.  I liked the clam case so I kept it but never watched it.  I did notice it was directed by the Polonia Brothers so over the years I started collecting their work.  After John passed away in 2008, his brother Mark continued making films.  This year he partnered up with Wild Eye Releasing for his newest release Sharkenstein.  Wild Eye was kind enough to send a copy my way to check out.  Thanks guys!

     The film begins in the middle of World War II with a scientist that is working on sharks.  He is trying to turn sharks into deadly creatures that can fight in the war.  The Third Reich discovers his plans and steps in and takes control of the experiment.  We jump forward to today and a small, isolated town is plagued by several death at the nearby lake.  The authorities and some tourists are caught in the middle of the carnage where they learn about the Third Reich and their experiments to create the perfect killing machine.

     I have seen and reviewed a few of the Polonia films.  Most were just the works of Mark but one or two was a collective piece.  My favorite of them all is Bigfoot vs. Zombies but I have only seen a handful of these films and own a few more than that.  I had a lot of high hopes for Sharkenstein.  It had one hell of a story but would it be as fun as it sounds?  The answer is simple - no.  The acting in this one is what you would expect from a Polonia film.  The film has extremely animated characters that are almost a parody of the clichéd characters you would find in films similar to it. Mostly SyFy original movies.  The cast does a great job at delivering these types of performances but they get old real quick.  They do nit have a chance to actually act or show the world what they are capable of.  The story for this one has so much b-movie potential but doesn't fully hit its mark.  The story beginning in World War II was clever and added some depth to the story but we have nothing going on between then and now.  We have very little back story.  I would have loved to get more of that.  Also, the film has a hard time building traction.  We get random deaths and then more random scenes of the authorities arriving at the scene of the crime.  The film has a hard time adding to the story.  We get the beginning, the end, and an assortment of things happening in the middle that do not add up to a great film.  Finally, the film does have some death but they are pretty bad.  We get a mixture of practical and computer generated that are not fun or entertaining. With that being said, I fucking loved the shark and the use of stop motion.  The shark looked great when it was the typical shark in the water but when it evolved and walked on land I was taken back to my childhood when Street Sharks were part of my Saturday mornings.  Overall, Sharkenstein is one of those films that has one hell of a story but is unable to deliver a lasting film.  The cast does not get the opportunity to act, the story has no depth, and the kills are laughable.  This is one Wild Eye release I would skip.  Check out Perfect House or Bigfoot vs. Zombies.