Director - Michael Paul Girard (Witchcraft 7: Judgement Hour)
Starring - Dick Monda (Getting Lucky), Jean Stewart (Class of Nuke 'em High 3: The Good, The Bad, The Subhumanoid), and Billybob Rhoads
Release Date - 1989
Genre - Sci-Fi/Comedy
Tagline - "You'll never trust your vacuum cleaner again"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection)
Favorite Quote - "we came out of the closet" "was it the broom closet?"
Rating (Out of 5):
One day, while shopping with my wife, I stopped in Books-A-Million to check out their comics. When I walked through the main door I saw a DVD bin and could not resist. While looking through the bin I quickly seen it was a waste of time. It was filled with movies like Speed, Die Hard, and Lethal Weapon and these are the kind of movies I am not interested in. My wife just randomly walks by and reaches in and picks up this flick. She hands it to me and says that it looked like something I would watch. That's why I love her.
The film opens with three small aliens returning to Earth to check on their human experiment. When they arrive on Earth they see a homeless man living on a filthy street. They see humans as untidy creatures and decide to make a human/vacuum cleaner hybrid that is capable of cleaning up after themselves. They then provide a vacuum to the homeless man who instantly falls in love with it. He gives the vacuum the ol "in out" treatment. After doing the dirty with the hoover, the bum heads off to his weekly one on one with the shrink so he can get his welfare check. We are then introduced to Tom. Tom is living a bland marriage and reverts to spying on his hot neighbor to rub one out. As he is beating it, his wife is vacuuming until her it messes up. The couple is strapped for cash, however, she likes to live way above her means and sends her husband to Neiman Marcus to get one. On his way his comes across a street merchant selling wares and asks him if he can score a vacuum. The merchant runs off and grabs the bum's while he is away. Tom takes the new vacuum home and tells his wife it was used by the Queen of England when Winston Churchill declared war on Germany. Tom heads back to spy on his neighbor and jerk the gherkin while his wife vacuums. The vacuum comes to life and strangles her with the cord. After her death, Tom becomes close to his hot neighbor, who he discovers has a boyfriend. While in his home, Tom is attacked by the vacuum. Before it can kill him the police arrive to arrest him for the murder of his wife. His neighbor does not believe he did it and has the lawyer she works for take his case on. Later that evening her and her boyfriend break up because he thinks having sex will prevent him from reaching nirvana. After they break up she heads to her room for a little vibrator action. Before she hits the spot there is a knock at the door. When she opens it she is attacked by the vacuum cleaner and is raped. She escapes and tells the police about it. They put out an APB for the homicidal vacuum before it can murder again. The police are not the only ones looking for the vacuum. The hobo is also frantically searching for the love of his life. He succeeds and the two get hitched and spend their honeymoon in a hotel. Also, during this time the hot neighbor discovers she is pregnant and because her ex-boyfriend would not put in the only explanation is the baby belongs to the vacuum cleaner. The police find the hobo and vacuum but they flee before being captured. One cop and hobo go in one direction where they have a shopping cart chase sequence, while the vacuum and the other cop go another. The cop chasing the vacuum dies while the other cop catches the hobo. The film then picks up in court and the hobo has to testify everything he seen. He tells them about the martians and the killer vacuum before the hot neighbor is called to the stand. When it is the hot neighbors turn she testifies and then gives birth to a baby/dustbuster hybrid. The hobo steals the bailiff's gun and kidnaps the baby. He fleas with the baby and vacuum where they find refuge in an old house. The police have it surrounded so the vacuum sacrifices himself (it is a guy vacuum) and goes out in a blaze of glory and gun fire. The hobo is now distraught and runs to his fallen lover's side. A small spaceship then hovers over the baby and teleports it away.
This movie was extremely bad, but not Bloodbath in the House of Knives bad. The movie was able to surprise me a few times. The acting was actually pretty decent. There was some actors and actresses that were bad, but for the most part the film had a decent cast. The story was obviously written to be a movie you can not take seriously. I am fine with movies like that as long as they entertain. This movie did have its moments but the bad far outweighed the good. The claymation at the beginning of the film was horrible. I have seen amateur stop motion videos on youtube that are 100 times better. Also, the audio/video are out of sync in a few places but I think that is the DVD transfer I have instead of the film itself. In closing, this film is a bad movie that is only watched because the title is so outlandish. The movie falls short in delivering anything more than a few scenes worth watching. If you want to see a vacuum shit and a cabbage patch dustbuster baby then this film is for you.
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