Thankskilling 3

Director - Jordan Downey (Thankskilling)
Starring - Daniel Usaj (Killing Kevin), Joe Hatzler (Headless Horseman), and Jordan Downey
Release Date - 2012
Genre - Horror/Sci-Fi/Comedy
Tagline - "Gobble Gobble Mother Fucker"
Format - Streaming (Undisclosed site)
Favorite Quote - "did you marry your wife, not for her cooking, but because she can fuck?"

Rating (out of 5):

     I first saw the original around this time last year and fell in love with it.  Anytime I get the chance I show everyone this little gem.  After watching this for the first time I did a little searching online and seen they were going to make a sequel  The sequel would have Turkie going through space wreaking havoc.  I waited patiently since then for the sequel to be released.  I read on a few sites last month that the sequel was not going to happen.  I will be completely honest with you and say I was pissed.  The first film is honestly one of my favorite movies and I waited all this time to see a sequel just to find out it was cancelled.  A few days later I was looking at those same sites and saw the movie was still in production and was now going under the title Thankskilling 3 with the gimmick that the movie is so bad it skipped its own sequel.  This film was also boasting that it had 30 times the budget of the original.  That made me even more pumped to see it.  Sometime last week the film was released on iTunes and Amazon.com for streaming.  I tried frantically to purchase it from both of those sites but neither of them would stream properly.  Pissed, I googled to see if there was a place to stream it for free and I did.  When this movie is released on DVD and Bluray I will gladly buy it but until then this had to do.

       The film opens with a female floating through space with her breasts exposed in a scene reminiscent of the first film.  Then suddenly she is blasted in half by lasers from a spacecraft piloted by Turkie.  This is then revealed to be a scene from Thankskilling 2.  Thankskilling 2 is considered to be the worst film ever made and is destroyed before being released.  However, one copy remained and is sought after by a few people for different reasons.  Turkie is hell bent on recovering that copy and streaming it on every device in the world to bring about an evil curse.  He kills his wife and sets out with his son to get the copy.  However, his son pisses him off and he kills hims but not before devouring his soul.  Also after the film is a gay worm and his robot.  The worm co-starred in the movie with Turkie and after a drunken one night stand Turkie spills the beans using the film to curse the world.  We are then introduced to Yomi who is in search of her mind.  Her mind left her and she is on a quest to get it back.  Along the way she meets Greg Garbage.  Greg lives in a dumpster and feeds on garbage.  While talking to Yomi, Greg spits up a garbage ball and the last copy of Thankskilling 2 is it.  Yomi takes it with her on her quest and quickly meets Uncle Donny, a television pitchman that created the Pluckmaster, and he takes her home with him to show her what Thanksgiving really is.  When they arrive we are introduced to Jefferson, Uncle Donny's best friend, and Jefferson's mother, the rapping granny.  Jefferson and Uncle Donny want to open a holiday theme park called Thanksgivingland. Jefferson desperately wants to be head of security for the park and wants to enforce the rules by using a lawn pike.  For now he is using a stick with a butter knife taped at the end of it.  Turkie is able to see through the eyes of the Thankskilling 2 DVD and can see it is with Uncle Donny.  Turkie arrives at Uncle Donny's home and uses magic to fool Jefferson into believing his lawn pike has arrived.  He then rips Jefferson apart in front of everyone else.  Turkie uses the soul of his dead son and brings the turkey on the DVD cover to life.  The group flee and head for the woods.  While in the woods they come across an elderly turkey known only as the Wise Turkey.   The Wise Turkey tells them that he is the guardian to the gate of Featherland.  He also tells them that for hundreds of years wise turkeys have guarded the land until the white man came and started beheading them.  Most accepted their fate and remained in the land while others chose to use hate and became the devil's turkey.  The Wise Turkey can sense that Yomi is special and gives her a wishbone to help her find her mind.  The wishbone will also come in handy with defeating Turkie because it is the one thing he lacks.  The Wise Turkey then leaves and the group some how find their way back to Uncle Donny's home.  Once inside the home Turkie unleashes turkievision, a psychedelic light show, that hypnotizes the group.  Everyone is hypnotized by this and Yomi drops the copy of Thankskilling 2.  Turkie is able to grab Thankskilling 2 but this does not last long.  The worm, Rhonda, and his robot arrive just in time and shoot Turkie where he flies into the Pluckmaster.  The pluckmaster is a machine that, not only de-feathers poultry, but also cooks it.  Turkie is processed and shot out of the back of the machine where he lands outside in a pile of turkey bones.  The worm wants to prevent Turkie from getting his hands on Thankskilling 2 and makes an ass vortex appear out of the robots rectum where they can shoot the DVD in to space.  Turkie is not dead and uses magic to bring to life the skeletons scattered around him.  They put Turkie back together, unfortunately, they are unable to find his penis.  He is able to fashion a small chainsaw, Evil Dead II style,  to replace his now lost pecker and finishes it up by saying "gravy" Ash style.  Turkie heads back in to the house with his skeleton fowls and is able to get his hands on the copy after skull fucking the rapping grandma with his chainsaw dick.  He heads through a small hole in the wall where the robot and Uncle Donny can not fit.  Yomi and Rhonda go through the hole wearing fake beaks so they can sneak by the skeleton turkeys.  When they finally get all the way through they find Turkie and Thankskilling 2 in a machine where he is about to stream it.  He has also created a giant turkey he calls Frankenturkey, but he prefers to be called Blarth.  Rhonda distractes them both and Yomi is able to grab Thankskilling 2 and they run back through the tunnel while Turkie follows.  When they come out the other side the robot shoots Turkie.  He also shoots Rhoda's lower half off.  Rhonda and the robot are lovers and Rhonda wants to hear the robots heart beat one last time.  When the robot picks him up to hold him close he accidentally squishes him.  Distraught over losing his lover, the robot shoots himself in the head.  This is a bit unfortunate because Turkie is still alive and shows up to kill Yomi and Uncle Donny.  Before he can kill the two, the Wise Turkey intervenes and uses ancient magic to place himself and Turkie in a 1993 video game.  The two engage in battle where Turkie lobes his head off with an axe.  While the two are engaged in battle, Rhonda squirms up and heals himself.  Rhonda is able to make the robot's ass vortex reappear.  However, before Yomi can put the copy of the DVD in Turkie stops her and starts choking her.  Turkie almost kills her but at the last second stabs him with the wishbone the Wise Turkey gave her early on.  The vortex is now getting stronger and Turkie's body falls in the vortex and his head is removed.  The vortex is so strong it picks Yomi up and Turkie's head latches on to Yomi's leg.  His son on the DVD cover knocks him off which triggers the end of Yomi's destiny.  Yomi knows that her place is in the vortex with her mind and lets go.  Uncle Donny, heartbroken because Yomi left, opens Thanksgivingland as a tribute to a great holiday.

     This movie was definitely not what I expected at all.  Don't get me wrong, it is not a bad movie at all, but this is not the direction I thought they would take the sequel.  The story is definitely more in depth than the first film and reminded me of the first Thankskilling mixed with The Labyrinth.  This is not a bad thing but kills the whole feel of the original Thankskilling.  They took the campy horror film that I love so much and tried to turn it in to an epic fantasy film.  It worked well but killed the mood fans of the first one liked so much.  The acting is definitely a step up over the first one.  Also, the effects are better as well.  I do enjoy the whole puppets angle and the fantasy adventure but I honestly don't think it fits with the Thankskilling vibe the first film made.  The movie did do a few good things.  Turkie once again made me laugh my ass off with his one liners and a few of the other characters are equally as funny.  The rapping grandma is another character I really enjoyed and was a little upset when she died, even though shes a puppet.  A lot of the characters have a pretty damn funny back story.  This movie does not skip on the laughs.  Finally, the last thing I really liked about this movie was the Evil Dead II nod.  It was done in a very clever way that it fit the film perfectly.  Overall, this is a pretty funny movie that does not fail to entertain, however, to me it does fail at being a sequel.