Thankskilling

Director - Jordan Downey (Thankskilling 3)
Starring - Lance Predmore (Hellementary: An Education on Death), Ryan E. Francis (Saturday Nights Pillow Fights), and Lindsey Anderson (Terror Firmer)
Release Date - 2009
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "Gobble Gobble Mother Fucker"
Format - DVD (Personal Collection)
Favorite Quote - "You just got stuffed"

Rating (out of 5):

     A little over a year ago I started working for the company I am currently employed for.  It is mandatory for every new employee take a month long online course.  I was in the same training program as people all over the country.  On our down time a few of us created casual conversations and I found out that another guy has the same taste in shitty movies as me.  He told me that he found a movie last year on Netflix when he was searching for movies to watch during the Thanksgiving holiday season.  He then told me about this film here.  That evening I came home and set up a Netflix account just to give this one a watch.  This movie did come with a warning from him though.  He told me that this movie was the worst movie he had ever watched but he couldn't take his eyes off it. 

    The film follows five college students as they head home for Thanksgiving break.  These are your sterotypical characters common in horror films and consist of; the jock, the nerd, the good girl, the hick, and the slut.  As they are heading home their car over heats and they pull over.  While waiting for it to cool down they decide to just camp it out and party.  This just happens to be where the old town of Crawberg used to be.  Crawberg was the site where the horrible turkey pilgrim massacre occured.  An Indian chief, Chief Feathercloud, cursed all white people and necromanced a turkey that will slaughter all that get in his way.  Turkeyologists all over the world refer to this day as Thankskilling.  To make this movie even more interesting is earlier that day an old hermit's dog pisses on the resting spot of Turkie, the Thankskilling turkey, and he rises from the Earth to kill again.  That night the nerd tells them the story around the campfire.  Later the good girl goes off to piss and spots Turkie and flees in fear.  When she tells everyone what she had saw no one believes her except the jock who has a crush on her.  That night they drink and fall asleep.  The next morning the hick wakes up with the old hermit standing over him.  The hermit tells the hick that he scared Turkie off last night and that it killed his dog.  The hick does not believe him until he finds Turkie shit on his sleeping bag.  That morning they pack up and head off to their homes.  Turkie follows by hitchhiking and is picked up by a guy wanting some "ass, gas, or grass."  Turkie kills the guy with a shotgun and steals his car.  The jock drops everyone off at their homes before heading to his house.  When he gets home, Turkie arrives and kills his family.  The jock gathers everyone except the slut.  They travel together to her house where they find her dead.  They then go the good girl's home because her father is the sheriff and has a lot of books.  The group hopes that her father will have a book on how to destroy Turkie.  However, Turkie beats them their and kills her father.  While wearing the sheriffs face, Turkie pretends to be her father.  While the gang is trying to find the right book, Turkie tries to dispose of the body.  After they find the book, the hick goes into the kitchen for some food and finds Turkie with the body.  The two wrestle and the hick removes a talisman that gives Turkie his power.  Turkie escapes and the hick becomes enraged and leaves as well.  The nerd, jock and good girl finish reading the book and discover that their friend, the hick, will soon die.  They rush off to save him but it is too late.  Turkie used magic to turn himself into a cooked turkey and the hick eats it.  Turkie then shoots him in the stomach with a shotgun from the inside.  The nerd is distraught by this and vows vengeance on the undead fowl.  They discover Turkie's teepee and go inside.  They are able to tie him up and read a spell that will make him mortal.  Once mortal they can destroy him if they do it in a sacrificial manner.  Turkie escapes before they can kill him but he doesn't get too far because the old hermit, who has been waiting, shoots him with a shotgun.  The group think that Turkie is dead and head off to watch one of the greatest horror films ever made, Night of the Living Dead.  However, they are wrong.  Turkie actually fell into a container of toxic waste and is now stronger than ever.  Turkie kills the nerd and cuts the jock with a turkey carver before the good girl catches him on fire and burns him.

     Do not let my 4 1/2 rating confuse you, this movie is horrible.  The story is completely absurd and it took a pure genius to take this story and make an hour long film out of it.  It is one of those films that are so bad they are good.  The acting is, by far, the worst I have seen in a long time.  It honestly gives Bloodbath in the House of Knives a run for it's money.  However, unlike Bloodbath, the acting does not take away from the movie, but adds to the whole bad but good thing.  The effects are also bad but I love the way Turkie looks.  He is the true definition of campy horror.  Trying to dissect this film like I have all the others movies I have reviewed will be utterly pointless.  This movie is bad and nothing I can say will change that fact.  The saving grace for this film is Turkie.  His one liners are hilarious and should be printed on t-shirts.  This film is not for horror fans.  Those looking for good gore and an amazing story will not find it here.  However, those looking for a good laugh will definitely be entertained by this shitflick.  I would have to take my socks off to count the times I've watched this flick and that is saying something.  I honestly love this film and if you have Netflix then you should watch it.