Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Nude Nuns with Big Guns

Director - Joseph Guzman (Run! Bitch! Run!)
Starring - Asun Ortega (I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant), David Castro (Poltergeist: The Legacy), Perry D'Marco (Malcolm in the Middle)
Release Date - 2010
Genre - Action/Exploitation/Nunsploitation
Tagline - "This sister is one bad mother"
Format - Streaming (Netflix)

Rating (out of 5):
     In 2007 horror fans and movie buffs alike rejoiced when they heard Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriquez were working on a double feature entitled Grindhouse.  I, too, was one of those that popped a metaphorical hard on when I heard.  Though there was a few other films made just prior to Grindhouse that tried to copy the vibe and feel of those sleazy flicks from the 70s, none sparked a surge of films like Death Proof and Planet Terror did.  A great deal of exploitation themed films followed shortly there after and I have been loving every minute of it.  Growing up in the 80s I was not able to witness the original "grindhouse" phase first hand.  Now a days DVD and Bluray distributors remaster the film before releasing it removing that grainy and damaged charm that we now associate with those classic films.  My search for exploitation films on lead to me crossing paths with two Joseph Guzman films, Nude Nuns with Big Guns and Run! Bitch! Run!.  I searched around and could not find Run! Bitch! Run! on DVD but I was able to find Nude Nun with Big Guns on DVD and on Netflix so a' watching I went!
     The film follows a nun who was sold to a corrupt priest and his church for loving another woman.  The priest force her and other nuns like her to cut coke all day completely nude so they have nowhere to hide the product and prevent from stealing it.  The priest sells the coke to a biker gang, however, one of the other nuns is caught trying to steal a kilo.  The gang leader kills the other nuns but her and takes her back to his whore house.  While there an older biker drugs her and forces her to be a whore.  The older biker is unlike the other bikers and in his old age has grew a conscience.  He no longer drugs her and gives her a pair of pistols in hopes of making amends.  She graciously accepts her gifts and then kills the elderly biker.  She then embarks on a killing spree shooting and seducing everyone that gets in her way from reconnecting with her girlfriend.
     Some movies you often second guess yourself right out of watching it.  My love for the resurgent of exploitation films still made me wonder if this movie would be as bad ass as I thought it was.  The name alone created some pretty big shoes to fill.  Luckily, the film does fill those shoes and then some.  The acting in this one is not top notch but on the same level as those films from the exploitation hay day.  The cast does a great job at being very over-dramatic and still keeping pace with the film.  Most exploitation films of recent years often have highbrow characters that do not really fit in the flow of the film.  However, this one does not suffer from that.  The story is nothing new nor special but is one hell of a ride and a great swift kick to the nuts.  The story is also a homage to all the rape revenge films from the 70s, as well as, the small wave of nunsploitation films from the same decade.  Like I said before, it is nothing original but fun as hell to watch.  Finally, the special effects are nothing special.  We are treated to mostly CGI and fake blood but done in a great manner.  This film is another prime example that CGI (as much as I hate it) can be used practically.  We are also treated to a great deal of kills so you demented and sick people that get off on kills will definitely enjoy this one.  Overall, this is an overlooked film that is a great tribute to a much simpler and shittier time.  Please watch it!



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