Student Bodies

Director - Mickey Rose (The Love Boat)
Starring - Kristen Riter (Pure 80's), Matthew Goldsby (Frances), and Jerry Belson (The Dick Van Dyke Show)
Release Date - 1981
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "The world's first horror comedy movie"

Rating (out of 5):

 

     When I come across a movie from the 80's I tend not to look anything up about them.  I love 80's films regardless of the genre and I am a firm believer that 80's was the best decade for movies.  When I came across this little gem I assumed it was a straight forward slasher because I did not see a poster or do any research for it.  I was pleasantly surprised when I gave this one a viewing. 

     The movie parodies the slashers of the time.  The film opens with a baby sitter and her boyfriend heading upstairs to make sweet love and swap fluids when "The Breather" sneaks in the house and murders them both...with paperclips.  The movie then moves on to the two lover's funeral where two of their friends decide to play some hide the sausage but are murdered by The Breather who uses horse head book ends to subdue the couple before they are able to commit the sexual act.  Both couple's mutual friend, Toby, starts realizing that both couples were murdered because they had sex (or at least decided on doing so).  She then tries to stop her remaining friends from having sex and turns into a cock block, however, that fails and her friends fornicate anyway.  The Breather then makes his appearance and kills them off one by one.  It just so happens that all the women being murdered were in the run for prom queen and once everyone dies the (male) principal gets the crown.  All the time, Toby herself, is suspected of the murders because she was there every time a horny couple is murdered.  After many witty puns, horror parodies, and off the wall jokes, the killer is revealed to be the principal who has been killing the females, and secretly his elderly assistant has been killing the males and stuffing them in to garbage bags.  Then the film twists and Toby wakes up and everyone in the movie is the complete opposite of who they were.

     I absolutely loved this movie.  When I first found it I just assumed it was another early 80's slasher flick with the exact same story as all the ones before it.  The humor in this one is seriously funny and the acting, though it is over-dramatic, is very well done and adds to the overall value of the flick.  I highly enjoyed watching the character of Melvert the school janitor.  He definitely stole every scene he was in.  The death scenes are not graphic what so ever but they are entertaining.  Deaths are not your typical deaths also.  People die by paperclips, horse head bookends, chalk erasers, and an eggplant.  The story is nothing special but it does parody some of the better known slashers of the times such as Halloween, with the baby sitter being murdered, and Prom Night, with the contestants being hunted down and murdered.  Most of the people, aside from the director, did not really do much else with films which is kind of sad since it would be cool see the actor who portrayed Melvert, known as The Stick, star in some other flicks.  I definitely recommend this cheesy little flick.   

Madison County

Director - Eric England (The Trick or Treater)
Starring - Colley Bailey (Donner Pass), Matt Mercer (Diary of a Serial Killer), and Ace Marrero (Law and Order: L.A.)
Release Date - 2011
Genre - Horror
Tagline - "You're not welcome here"

Rating (out of 5):

 

     Found this movie a long time ago on amazon.com and added it to my wishlist.  It looked interesting but I had no drive to see it until I watched Porkchop.  Figured if that low budget film about a slasher wearing a pig mask was that good then one with a slightly bigger budget was bound to be better.

     This movie follows five college students as they head off on a road trip to Madison County.  The group plan on interviewing an author that his written a book about a local man that wears a pig mask and kills anyone unfortunate enough to cross his path.  The author and one of the college students have been emailing each other and planned on meeting in Madison County at his home.  The locals know about him but choose to do nothing about it as long as he leaves them out of it.  When the group stop at a local store for some burgers the attendant, an elderly lady, informs them that the author has left the area and has no family around those parts anymore.  The group, refusing to believe her, go in search of the author or any family member that may know of his whereabouts.  The group, like any group of teens in a slasher flick, decide it would be beneficial to split up.  After members in their party start dying one by one, two of the members are abducted by some of the locals who actually help the killer commit his heinous acts.  The locals had manipulated the author to get the students to show up before killing them.  The two students break free and flee...but leave one of their own behind. 

     I went in to this with high expectations and was let down.  The movie is not by any means a bad flick but it is not that great either.  This one is a solid mediocre film that had the potential to be great.  The acting was pretty descent but the deaths were not that great.  I was expecting a little more than the film had to offer.  The story is pretty straight forward which works well for the film because if it had the twist ending I don't think the movie would have been as good as it was.  Overall, the movie is not a waste of time and should at least be rented.    

Osombie

Director - John Lyde (You're So Cupid)
Starring - Corey Sevier (Immortals), Eve Mauro (Zombies vs. Strippers), and Jasen Wade (Dead West)
Release Date - 2012
Genre - Horror
Tagline(s) - "Bin Laden will die...again" and "The axis of evil dead"

Rating (out of 5):

     When browsing site after site dedicated to horror movies I often run across movies I have never heard of before and with this one it is no exception.  With a name like Osombie one could only assume what this film is about.  That assumption would probably be entirely correct.  However, my assumption was this was a comedy horror film centered around a zombified bin Laden terrorizing the middle east.  I was only half wrong.

     This flick follows a group of soldiers in Afghanistan as they fight the living dead in order to prevent an outbreak from reaching the states on a hush hush kind of mission.  While wondering through the desert the team come across an American woman who is looking for her brother who is a soldier of fortune and conspiracy theorist.  He believes Bin Laden did not die and it was someone else that was dumped into the sea.  He is completely wrong.  Bin Laden did die and was dumped out to sea but came back as a flesh eating fiend.  Along the way the team suffers many casualties until the siblings are united.  After finding documents in one of the zombies wondering the desert, the team head out to find the stronghold where the terrorists are creating their undead army.  In the end the terrorists, zombies, and what is left of the troops battle it out and the soldier of fortune finally gets what he wanted from the beginning, to send Bin Laden straight to hell...again.

     This movie was not what I expected at all.  From the name I assumed it was a zombie comedy like Shaun of the Dead but it was far from it.  The movie is a serious zombie flick which I don't think turned out that well.  The name, as clever as it is, is very misleading.  One hears the name and plot synopsis and instantly laughs or at least smiles.  The movie's tone is sincere which is kind of a let down when you expect to laugh.  To be honest the movie is not bad but it is not classic worthy either.  The acting is very well done and the effects are decent.  However, the zombies looks absolutely amazing.  If your wanting to watch a zombie flick I have many other options I would recommend instead of this one.       

Bong of the Dead

Director - Thomas Newman (Lake Placid)

Starring - Simone Bailly (Battlestar Galactica), Mark Wynn (Supernatural), and Jy Harris (Psych)

Release Date - 2011

Genre - Horror/Comedy

Tagline - "There will be bud"

Rating (out of 5):

     I was watching random videos on youtube when I cruised across a trailer for Juan of the Dead, which looks like it is a pretty decent film, when I saw a trailer for Bong of the Dead in one of the related video playlists.   I had never heard of the movie before so I searched around and seen that it had got a lot of good reviews.  I went ahead and ordered it and watched it with my wife (who hates horror movies).  To my surprise she actually enjoyed it and it sparked an interest in zombie movies with her.

     The films opens, like most zombie movies, with a meteor shower.  Well, maybe not all movies, but that is how it happened in this one.  A man, while painting his creepy ass yard gnomes, had a meteor land in his garden.   After inspecting it he gets the gooey substance from the meteor on himself.  That evening while at dinner he changes and attacks his loving wife after she has made him a delicious dinner.  The film then picks up with two stoners as they do the only thing they know how to do...toke up.  However, their weed supply has dwindled since the zombie apocalypse has ravaged the land around them.  Soon the hydroponic scientists discover that by placing the "green goo" from the zombie's brains on the pot seeds they miraculously make a pot plant grow within seconds.  The two decide to set out on a journey to the danger zones where the zombies have yet to be cleared out by the government to get more brain matter so they can grow all the pot plants they need.  After embarking on the quest for zombie brain juice they came across some shambling zombies and are abducted and taken to a zombie who is able to talk.  This zombie is in every way, except for his skin rotting, like a non-infected human.   He tells the two burn outs that he is recruiting the living and turning them into the undead to serve in his army.  The two are able to escape and head out for other zombies to kill.  Along the way the two come across a tough-as-nails girl that has been living by herself since the outbreak has happened.  At first she is reluctant to let the two in to her home but eventually warms up to them and their partying ways.  After time zombies begin to appear around her property and she decides to go with the two and head towards the danger zone for brain goo.  However, once they prepare for the trip a horde of zombies, lead by the talking zombie, show up and the three must fight for their lives...

     I really liked this flick.  At times I was laughing my ass off and could not take my eyes away from it.  The acting is decent and the effects are awesome.  The zombies looked almost as good as those seen in The Walking Dead and the later Romero Dead films.  The story is not that amazing, however, but the movie was still entertaining.  The movie also has a few similarities to other zombie movies, But I don't think that was intentional.  While preparing for their trip they put a lawn mower on the front of the vehicle which is similar to Dead Alive (Braindead) where the main character kills zombies using a mower.  Another similarity is having a meteor shower cause the outbreak similar to Night of the Comet where a passing comet turns people to dust unless they seen the comet while standing behind glass making those transform into the walking dead.  The only thing I don't like about this one is the filter they used on the camera.  Sometimes the light is so bright it hurt my eyes to watch it.  When watching this movie you have to adjust the setting on your tv just right to really enjoy it.  The bottom line is this film is not one of the new wave of zombie movies focused towards the masses instead of the fans of horror.  Movies like Dead Seasons and Humans vs. Zombies are mediocre flicks that does not offer a truly entertaining movie but isn't bad either.  They tend to just ride the fence of being good or completely sucking.  This one is focused towards the horror fan and delivers a zombie movie you won't find at Wal-Mart and focused towards teenage boys trying "express" himself and girls who watch True Blood and Twilight and think they like real horror.  I definitely recommend this one so watch it.   

Sleepaway Camp Series

Director - Robert Hiltzik (Return to Sleepaway Camp)

Starring - Felissa Rose (Return to Sleepaway Camp), Jonathan Tiersten (Return to Sleepaway Camp), and Christopher Collet (The Manhattan Project)

Release Date - 1983

Tagline - "You won't be coming home"

Rating (out of 5):

     I saw this one a few times when I was little.  Unlike now, back then I liked horror but I found my entertainment from children's flicks and 80's action.  However, once in awhile, when my brother was home for the weekend, we would rent some horror movies and a few Genesis games.  I remember one night watching the first two Sleepaway Camp movies along with the first two Leprechaun films.  I also remember being freaked out by her aunt even more so than seeing a small, riddle speaking, killing machine in Leprechaun.  I ordered the "survival kit" that included the first three flicks and while I was at it I ordered the remaining two so I could have the complete set.

     This is your typical slasher film.  Kids camping, or at camp, dying one by one at the hands of a crazed mad man, more often than not, because they are out for revenge.  This one is no different.  The film opens with a father boating on a lake with his two children, Angela and Peter, while teenagers from a nearby camp water ski.  However, the group water skiing do not pay attention to where they are going and run over Peter and his father.  The film jumps eight years later and Angela, who is now living with her aunt and cousin Ricky, are about to head to summer camp.  While at camp, and due to her shy nature, Angela is teased and bullied by everyone including the counselors.  Ricky, after each conflict, takes up for his cousin and gets in multiple fights because of this.  After time those that have bullied Angela and had their go with Ricky begin to turn up dead or severely injured.  The owner of the camp, who had been fooling around with one of the female counselors, finds her dead and remembered she had an argument earlier with Ricky over Angela and suspects him of the murders.  He finds Ricky in the woods and beats the shit out of him.  He thinks he has killed Ricky and walks away in shock.  While walking through the archery range where he is shot in the throat similar to a scene in Friday the 13th.  While the campers and counselors panic they realize that Angela is missing so they rush to find her before the killer does only to find of the biggest twists I have ever seen in a slasher movie.

     This movie is also known as part one in the Hiltzik Sleepaway Camp Trilogy.  The other two films in the trilogy is Return to Sleepaway Camp and the third film, Sleepaway Camp Reunion, is currently in production.  This movie satisfies my urge for a slasher movie with decent kills. The kills are different than most slasher flicks.  Slasher movies got their name from how the victims meet their demise which is usually done by sharp objects.  This one is a bit different, in fact, only about six out of the fourteen deaths were met by sharp objects.  Yea, that's right, I counted all the deaths for a post I'm working on about this series.  The rest of the deaths are clever, though they may not be original, they still break the monotonous stabbings and slashing typical of the sub-genre.  The acting is great, except for character of Angela's aunt, which only makes her even more creepy.  The effects are decent at best but doesn't take away the enjoyment of watching this film.  As for the twist ending, it was very clever but if you pay attention to the details at the beginning of the film then half way through you will figure it out like I did when I was little.  Overall, this is a great slasher flick that is very underrated.  It often catches hell for being a Friday the 13th rip off but either way a good movie is a good movie even if it is borrowed from another movie (isn't that right Tarantino?).  I highly recommend giving this one a watch.  Hell, watch it two or three times.

    

Director - Michael A. Simpson (Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland)

Starring - Pamela Springsteen (Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland), Renee Estevez (Addam's Family Reunion), and Brian Patrick Clark (CSI: Miami)

Release Date - 1988
Genre - Horror

Tagline - "When you go camping just take the essentials"

Rating (out of 5):

     I had actually watched this one before I had seen the first movie in the series.  When I rented the first two Sleepaway Camp films someone before me had put the two vhs tapes in the wrong box and the store clerk did not check them before putting them on the shelf.  So after I put it in the vcr, I don't know how I missed it, but I completely let the title screen pass and I watched it till the end.  It wasn't until I put in the first vhs thinking it was the second before I realized what I had done.

     The film follows a group of counselors at a camp near where the first Sleepaway Camp movie took place.  Here a young counselor, Angela, takes her job very seriously.  Whenever someone does something immoral or unethical she kills them in slasher fashion.  She then reports to the camp owner and tells them they were sent home for whatever offense they had committed.  Bloodshed is not the only thing happening at camp.  Two counselors  have a summer fling until they find an abandoned cabin where Angela has been hiding the murdered campers.  It is then revealed that Angela is, in fact, (if you ever doubted it) the same Angela from part I.  Now, after years in an insane asylum, she has resurfaced with a brand new sex change.  The male camper then confesses that his father was one of the cops that arrested her that night and she cuts his head off.  The remainder of the film is a cat and mouse game between the last female camper and Angela before she finally bags her prey.
     This movie is entirely different kind of film than the first one.  The first film, besides the ending, is a serious slasher.  This one, however, takes the kills very seriously but the rest of the film is more of a comedy.  The flick even goes as far as to spoof other slasher films like A Nightmare on Elm St., Friday the 13th, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  The acting is very well done which is a rarity among the never ending supply of 80's slashers.  This film, as well as the sequel, is also notable for starring Pamela Springsteen as Angela.  Pamela just happens to be the younger sister to Bruce Springsteen and she would go on to have a career as a photographer after acting.  The effects are on the same level as the first film and the deaths are very original with very few actual stabbings and slashing.  I really enjoy the first one but this one is almost is good as that one in my humble opinion.  I highly recommend that you check this one out but try to watch them in order. 

Director - Michael A. Simpson (Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers)

Starring - Pamela Springsteen (Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers), Michael J. Pollard (The Odyssey) and Mark Oliver (The Crazies)

Release Date - 1989

Genre - Horror

 Tagline - "Angela is back"

Rating (out of 5):

     I never did get a chance to watch this one till the other day when I ordered the Sleepaway Camp Survival Kit box set which includes the first three films.  I knew it was a direct sequel to the second installment and was released the year after.  With the same team behind this one as the second I knew it would not be a let down.

     The film once again follows teenagers at a summer camp.  However, this time the camp is the exact camp as the massacre in the first film.  The camp was sold to a married couple who turned it into a type of social experiment using the youths as their very own guinea pigs.  They want to take a certain number of teens who have grew up having a privileged life and have them spend the next couple of days with teens who grew up without.  Before camp starts Angela tracks down and kills one of the inner city youths and takes her place in the camping trip.  While there the two owners, along with a police officer, split the teens up into three groups and venture out in the woods.   All three of the adult figures have alternative motives for being there.  The male camp owner is there to get a little tail from the younger ladies, the female owner is there to let the youths wait on her hand and foot because that is not a luxury she is used to, and finally, the cop is there because last year at camp his son was beheaded by Angela and she has been on the run ever since. One by one she slowly picks the campers and adults off in good ol' fashioned slasher style.  

     This film is equally as good as the second installment.  The acting is once again very well done and the effects are on point.  The deaths, just like the others, are very original and entertaining which is why we watch slashers to begin with.  Though this movie does not offer anything new and riveting to the slasher sub-genre, it does, however, offer an entertaining movie to watch till that genre busting slasher is made.  I highly recommend this one.      

Director - Jim Markovic (The Real Bruce Lee)

Starring - Carrie Chambers (The Bikini Carwash Company II), Victor Campos (Dexter), and John Lodico (Generosity)

Release Date - 2012

Genre - Horror

Tagline - "Twenty years ago, the terror began.  Now, you must prepare yourself for the most shocking chapter of them all"

Rating (out of 5):

ZERO

     When I first heard about the Sleepaway Camp series it was only a trilogy with the fourth film never finished.  Filming for it began in 1992 but the company behind it went bankrupt and production was never finished.  In the first release of the Survival Kit there was a disc with the production footage but not a completed film.  It wasn't until this year that the film was finally edited and released by amazon.com.  To a horror fan, or any movie buff, that makes a movie even more enticing.  However, before I spent the $14 on amazon for this movie I wished I would have youtubed (yea, youtube can be a verb) it.
     This movie follows a young girl who keeps having reoccurring nightmares about the murders that took place in the first three films but does not recall being there.  Her psychiatrist assumes she was a survivor of the horrific massacre and sends her there to see if that can help her.  The camp is now owned by the state so she contacts a park ranger to help her look around.  The majority of the film is the death scenes from the previous three films with shots of her lounging around the lake in a pink bikini and meeting the park ranger and a hunter.  The segments with her and the two men she meet are very short segments with the death scenes taking up the bulk of the film.  After speaking with the hunter she finds out that there actually is no park ranger for the camp and that the man is dressed as one to get her.

     This is one I would not call a movie at all.  The length of movie, not including clips from previous films, is actually around to 10 - 20 minutes.  What the director and producers did was just use what footage was actually shot before the company went bankrupt, and to get money from die hard Sleepaway Camp fans, put footage from the older films in as filler just to be able to sell it.  I was not able to finish this one due to lack of an actual movie. They even stole the poster image from part III to use instead of making one that is original.  A poster of a dog turd with baby bones in it would have been better and would sum this one up better than the one they used.  The acting is over dramatic and it is like watching a middle school or high school play.  I would stay away from this one.  In fact, if you ever run across this one break it and spare the next dumbass that would spend his hard earned cash on this piece of shit.

        

Director - Robert Hiltzik (Sleepaway Camp)

Starring - Vincent Pastore (The Sopranos), Jackie Tohn (American Idol), and Issac Hayes (South Park)

Release Date - 2008

Genre - Horror

Tagline - "Kids can be so mean"

Rating (out of 5):

     This is another one I had no idea it was released.  When I ordered the box set and part IV this one showed up under the "people also purchased" section.  Once I realized it was made by the same director and stars some of the same people as the first film I knew it would not be a let down.  This one is known as the second film in the Hiltzik's Sleepaway Camp trilogy with hopes of the third one being released soon. The director ignored the three films between his first film and this one.  Due to the release date this one would be Issac Hayes' last film.
     The film, once again, takes place at a summer camp and just like the third film it just so happens to be the same camp as the first film.  This time a new owner has opened the place up and changed the name.  The counselors have a difficult task of keeping the peace among the campers and one asshole camper.  He is often bullying the smaller campers and picked on by the older ones for his lack of personal hygiene and inability to think like most humans.  This same asshole has an obsession with frogs who he believes are his only friends.  Along with the camp owner and counselors there is an officer, and due to smoking, has to speak using a mechanical voice box.  The officer is at camp to make sure that the same misfortune does not fall upon these select happy campers.  Throughout the film, Alan the asshole has random fights and arguments with the other campers.  Each fight is interrupted by a female counselor that swoops in to protect Alan.  After each confrontation the individual is murdered by an unseen killer.  The camp owner and counselors begin to suspect the female counselor that is always taking up for Alan.  However, another twist ending exposes the real killers.

     This movie is on par with the first in the series.  The acting is good which may be because it includes most of the cast in the first one and they now have more acting experience.  The effects are done really well too which add to the deaths and how original they are.  Some of the deaths made me rewind to see them again because they are just that different.  The plot in this one is just like the first one which follows the typical slasher movie till the end and then it hits you with a twist like a right hook to the nuts.  This twist, however, I did not expect like the first one.   I highly recommend watching this one.

     The series, overall, is a great series.  When I refer to it as a series I am completely ignoring the fourth installment because to me that does not count as a new installment to the series at all.  I can see why the series is often overlooked by horror hounds due to the similarities to Friday the 13th.  However, that doesn't stop me from giving it a a go around.  The series is definitely the best of the best when it comes to a slasher series.  Of course it's not as good as Friday the 13th or A Nightmare on Elm St but it still should get the credit it deserves.  The deaths are very different than other slashers and offer new and original ways to kill campers instead of stabbing and gutting them.  It is also original for a slasher to have a story line that offers a twist ending instead of your straight forward revenge flick.  The series can be split into two different sets of films like I have stated before.  The Hiltzik's films and the Pamela Springsteen films.  The Springsteen films are straight forward slashers that, though it does not have an original story, have original kills and great acting and mixes in humor.  I highly recommend you watch the series and skip part IV unless your into dubstep then you may be dumb enough to enjoy it.