Bloodbath in the House of Knives

Director - Ted Moehring (Daisy Derkins vs. The Bloodthirsty Beast of Barren Pines)
Starring - Anne Reiss (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen), Joseph Michael (Invasion of the Reptoids) and Monica Moehring (Lights Camera Dead)
Release Date - 2010
Genre - Horror
Tagline - Can't find it but in all honesty it probably sucks

Rating (out of 5):

 

    Here is another result of checking out the bargain bin at FYE.  I have found a lot of great movies by checking that bin but sometimes there are some movies that make you wish you would have just spent that money on a hooker you knew with out a doubt had an std and barebacked her.  I found this one for 2.97 and thought to myself that there is no way this film could be bad.  The cover art reminded of a Herschell Gordon Lewis flick from his heyday in the 60's but looking at the date on the dvd the movie is copyrighted for 2010.  So instantly I knew, well thought, it was a homage to 60's and 70's splatter flicks instead of one filmed in that decades ago.
     The film follows a young girl, Ivy, as people around her are tortured and murdered by a masked madman.   The police suspect a magician who had hypnotized a family friend and he kills her father.  However, as the bodies stack up while he locked in jail the police then begin to suspect her ex boyfriend.  Once again the boys in blue are wrong and the ex is discovered dead and shortly after that the family's attorney (Lloyd Kaufman) is murdered.  After the worst fight scene ever filmed it is discovered that the killer is actually Ivy's very own sister who is bitter she was left out of her father's will.

     This movie is not actually a homage to 60's and 70's splatter films as I originally thought from the cover art.  It is, in fact, a modern tribute to Italian Giallo films.  I typically do not like giallo movies but that is not the reason why I hated this piece of shit.  The acting is the worst I have ever seen and I have seen a lot of shitty low budget movies.  If a company can get a bunch of snot nosed brats to act in the 1994 Little Rascals flick then why in the hell could the director and production team not find people that could do a better job than these mongoloids.  The effects is pretty shitty too.  The picture above is a perfect example of that.  The story is not that original either and I had the killer pegged about 20 minutes in when Ivy and the detective are talking about her sister being removed from her father's will.   The killer is the worst dressed slasher in history.  She is dressed in all black and wearing a gold mask with the dumbest expression I have ever seen.  I honestly believe this is the worst movie I have ever seen in my short life.  Only good thing about this film is seeing Lloyd Kaufman.  Stay away from this horrible film.