Director - Don Coscarelli (Phantasm, Bubba Ho-Tep)
Starring - Marc Singer (Eagle Eye), Tanya Roberts (That 70's Show), and Rip Torn (Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story)
Release Date - 1982
Genre - Adventure/Fantasy
Tagline - "Born with the courage of an eagle, the strength of a black tiger, and the power of a god"
This was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid. Every weekend when I didn't rent a Sega Genesis game I would always rent this, Conan The Destroyer, and Jason Goes to Hell. Those movies was watched so many times when I was little I could quote them from beginning to end. That changed with the coming of the PSone and DVDs. When those came along I forgot all about my VHS collection and renting others from the local video store. I was definitely not the only one because soon after all those shops went out of business. Sometime last year I was at Wal-Mart, the root of all evil, and I ran across a 10 movie fantasy set and this one just happened to be in it so I grabbed it.
This is your typical sword and the sorcery flick from the 80's. The movie follows Dar, a man who was removed from his mother's womb and placed into that of an ox by a disfigured witch. The witch then goes into the woods and removes the baby from the ox to mark him and then sacrifice him. A poor villager just happens through the woods late at night with his trusty weapon and kills the witch before she can kill the infant. The movie then fast forwards a few years and the peasant is training the young boy how to use a sword. While in the woods practicing another villager is attacked by a bear and it is revealed that Dar is able to communicate with it telepathically. Dar's foster father makes Dar promise not to tell anyone of what happened. The film then jumps forward again to Dar, who is now an adult, working in the field. His village is then attacked by the Junn Horde. The Junn Horde, a group of savage warriors, is looking for Dar because it was foretold he will prevent their ruler, Maax (Torn), from ruling the people. After his adoptive father and everyone in the village is murdered by the Junn Horde, Dar sets out on a journey to kill those responsible. While on his journey he comes across a black tiger, a hawk, and two ferrets that he is able to communicate with, and more often that not, help him out of many sticky situations. When nearing the city of which his father was king, Dar comes across a nude slave girl swimming in a pond. She is then taken by the Junn Horde and moved into the city. Dar then enters the city to see the girl with other slaves and Maax sacrificing a small child. Deciding that the sacrifice was not enough, Maax then chooses another one to throw into the fiery pit. However, Dar's hawk picks up the child and flies it to freedom. The majority of the film is small fight scenes, horrible dialogue, and then Dar gets his revenge.
After going so many years without watching this movie and finally getting to see it again I surprisingly still like it as much as I did when I was little. However, I did notice a lot of things I did not when I was little. Now I noticed that the lore in this flick is borrowed from the mythology in other cultures and civilizations. The three witches are similar to the Graeae seen in the Greek mythology. Also, the sacrifices of children on giant pyramids are similar to those performed by the pre-Columbian Mayans. The movie itself is very cheesy but very entertaining. It is very dark and could very easily have been filmed as a horror movie which the director is known for. The fight scenes are the worst I have probably ever seen in my life but it does not take away from the movie. Also, this movie had one of the scariest scenes I had ever witnessed as a child. I would always fast forward the movie when it came to the scene with the giant bat creatures that bear hugged people and turned them to green soup and bone. The acting is very well done, except for Tanya Roberts who should have just remained nude the whole movie and not spoke. I highly recommend this cheesy fantasy flick to anyone who wants something different to watch.
Rating (out of 5):
Director - Sylvio Tabet (Evil Speak)
Starring - Marc Singer (Beastmaster), Wings Hauser (Tales from the Hood), and Sarah Douglas (Strippers vs. Werewolves)
Release Date - 1991
Genre - Fantasy/Adventure/Sci-Fi
Tagline - "An awesome hero, an invincible villain, time travel to a distant world. It's gonna be a wild weekend"
Rating (out of 5):
I had watched this one a few times when I was little and for some weird reason I really liked it. Funny how things change when you get older. I guess I liked it because it had the beastmaster in it and I completely ignored the horrible plot and even worse acting. I did not rent this one as much as I did the first one but I did rent it on occasion. When I broke out The Beastmaster and watched it I had to try to find this one to watch with it. I looked on amazon and ebay but no company has released it on dvd. I found a few vhs copies but they did not have the original artwork so I didn't order it. So I did what any person with an internet connection would do. I downloaded the vhs rip of it.
The film, once again, follows Dar on a quest to prevent his half brother Arklon from finding and using a neutron accelerator which will, in turn, destroy the universe. Arklon meets a witch with the power to travel to parallel universes. While proving her power to Arklon, the witch opens the portal and a senator's daughter, who is being pursued by the police, drive through. Arklon's henchmen chase the police back through the portal but the senator's daughter goes in the other direction until her car runs out of gas. She then meets Dar, his hawk, two ferrets (even though one died in the first movie), and his orange (not black) tiger. They then head off on their journey to stop Arklon and the witch from traveling through the portal. Once they arrive, through an unexpected turn of events, all four travel through the tunnel and end up in 1991 Los Angeles. While there Arklon and the witch run havoc in the city before making their way to a military base which holds the neutron accelerator. The witch get the pair a set of id badges to access the base and they steal the device. However, Arklon is an evil asshole and tries to kill the witch. She then teams up with Dar and head after Arklon. The three meet up with Arklon in a zoo and a battle between Dar and Arklon takes place in a ring of fire. Obviously the beastmaster wins because there is a third film in the series.
After watching this the other night I realized this is a horrible movie. They took a solid character from a great movie and made a sci-fi sequel when the first did not have that element to it at all. Similar to the Highlander series with the first film and how amazing it is and the sequel was turned into a sci-fi shitfest. The acting is not the best but Marc Singer did a solid job on his part. The villain, Arklon, looks like an early 90's version of the phantom of the opera and Dar looks like a lesbian with his long blonde hair. He looked more badass when he had the Luke Skywalker hair cut. The effects are what you would expect from an early 90's sci-fi flick. Whenever they use magic is it just lasers and lightning bolts just like in Star Wars. The only good thing about this movie is the creature he finds in the swamp. The monster looks amazing but is only in the movie for less than a minute. Unless your a fan of super cheesy sci-fi flicks I would stay away from this one and instead maybe trim your pubes or something more productive.
Director - Gabrielle Beaumont (Star Trek: The Next Generation)
Starring - Marc Singer (Beastmaster), Tony Todd (Candyman), and Sandra Hess (Mortal Kombat: Annihilation)
Release Date - 1996
Genre - Fantasy/Adventure
Tagline - "A legendary hero. An all new battle beyond imagination."
Rating (out of 5):
I had no idea that there was a third beastmaster movie. When I was searching for the second beastmaster flick I ran across this one. I could only imagine where they would take Dar in this one. After the second shitfest I could only guess they would put him on the moon or something stupid like that. I wanted to youtube the trailer for this one but out of everything you can find on youtube the trailer for this is not one of them. I could only hope it was more like the first film and not that hairlipped bastard movie they called Beastmaster 2.
This time around Dar has yet another brother that was not spoke of in the first film. This time his brother is king. However, an evil wizard, Lord Agnon, needs a necklace that King Zed had gave to him when he was a child. The necklace, the Eye of Braxus, holds the key to opening the locked door to the temple of Braxus. Lord Agnon has been sacrificing prisoners to regenerate his youth but it only works for a short period of time. He needs the power of Braxus to remain young forever. Lord Agnon's henchmen kidnap the king and take him his palace. However, Lord Agnon does not know that the Eye of Braxus is actually two pieces and the beastmaster has the second segment. The king, unwilling to tell Lord Agnon where the second segment is, is tortured. Beastmaster sets out with the kings right hand man, Seth (the same character from the first film but portrayed by a different actor) to rescue the king. Along the way they meet a female warrior. She double crosses them and a group of savage warriors take them hostage and steal the eye segment. After breaking free Seth and Dar come across a traveling band of gypsies lead by a witch Seth was romantically involved with (she turned him into a rabbit). She promises to get Dar and his animals into Lord Agnon's palace. Once inside the palace they meet the female warrior again and this time she is on their side and they fight off the guards and Dar makes his way to Agnon. Agnon retrieves the piece from Dar and opens the tomb of Braxus, however, Braxus' spirit takes over Agnon he is turned into the beast Braxus once was. The two battle, along with a gypsy gymnast, and defeat Braxus.
This movie does not feel like the other two Beastmaster flicks. The look and feel of it makes me think I will see Kevin Sorbo or Lucy Lawless. The acting is on par with those shows as well. There really is no effects but Braxus, once his spirit took control of Agnon, looks stupid. He looks like he should be on a children's television show. This one is the better of the two sequels but a turd is still shit no matter what you call it. Though it is better there isn't much to talk about. It is just a straight forward sword and sorcery flick and very boring.
No comments:
Post a Comment