Santa's Slay

Director - David Steiman
Starring - Bill Goldberg (Ready to Rumble), Douglas Smith (Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters), and Emilie de Ravin (The Hills Have Eyes)
Release Date - 2005
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "Spreading holiday fear this season" and "He's making a list...pray your not on it"
Format - VHS (Personal Collection) (Still from Youtube)

Rating (Out of 5):

     The Christmas after I graduated high school I started seeing tv spots for an upcoming Christmas themed horror flick starring Bill Goldberg.  What horror fan would not want to see this?  At this point I had a very decent DVD collection but I would still record television specials on VHS until they were released on DVD.  So the night this premiered, I put in a blank VHS and recorded it.  I know, I'm a horrible person and your going to report me to Lars Ulrich.  Anyway, I recorded this with the intention of ordering it on DVD.  Well, every year I forget to order it and would have to settle with watching my shitty VHS copy of the film.  Ever since that first Christmas when this horrible film premiered, I have watched it.  It has became a holiday tradition of mine to watch this and A Charlie Brown Christmas.  I know both films are polar opposites but I love them both.

     The film follows Nicolas (Smith), who lives with his eccentric grandfather.  His grandfather does not celebrate Christmas and the local community call him crazy.  Due to is grandfather's lack of holiday spirit, Nicolas has grown up never getting the gifts he has written to Santa for and is now the same as his grandfather in regards to the holiday.  Nicolas' friend, Mac (Ravin) has a crush on him and tries to help him find the holiday spirit.  Nicolas asks his grandfather why he does not celebrate the holiday.   His grandfather removes an ancient book from the safe in his bedroom and Nicolas is able to read it.  Within the book Nicolas discovers that Santa is actually the spawn of Satan.  A 1000 years earlier, an angel took human form and placed a bet with Santa.  Santa lost and had to deliver presents to the good children of the world for 1000 years instead of killing them.  This just happens to be the 1000th year and Santa is free to kill at will.  Santa arrives in Nicolas' town and lays waste to those that have been naughty.  Santa makes his way to Nicolas' home and his grandfather is killed.  Nicolas and Mac run for it on snowmobiles with Santa on their tail.  The two seek refuge in a school but Santa only follows them.  When they make their way to the ice rink, Nicolas' grandfather reappears and we discover he was the angel that tricked Santa in to losing the bet.  Santa throws grandpa in to a hole to hell and chase Nicolas and Mac around some more.  However, after it hits midnight in the North Pole, Santa loses all his powers.  As he flies overhead, Mac's father, who is a gun enthusiast, shoots him down with a bazooka.  We then jump to Santa, now dressed as a biker, boarding an airplane to the North Pole.      

     I love this film.  I know this movie catches hell for being shit, but for what it is, it is a truly entertaining film.  I know this movie is horrible but what did you expect from a film where Bill Goldberg is Santa?  The story is absurd and the acting is a little on the bad side.  Most of the cast did go on to have a decent career in Hollywood, however, the acting is still bad.  The special effects are good though.  This movie does dish out some great holiday themed kills.  That is the main reason I love this movie so much.  The kills are great and when mixed with the comedy and the absurd story surprisingly make an entertaining film.  This movie does provide a lot of laughs.  The film is also educational.  Who knew stripper poles could be a breeding ground for germs...not this guy.  This movie should be watched with an open mind, if you do so then you will enjoy every minute of it.  Who wouldn't want to see Fran Drescher with her head on fire?  I'm not going to go too in depth with this film but I highly recommend this one.  You may not be scared by it but you will laugh your ass off.