Chastity Bites

Director - John V. Knowles (Shadow.net)
Starring - Allison Scagliotti (Warehouse 13), Francia Raisa (The Secret Life of an American Teenager), and Louise Griffiths (Gangster Squad, The Devil's Chair)
Release Date - 2014
Genre - Horror/Comedy
Tagline - "Who says the virgin lives 'til the end?"
Format - Streaming (Online Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     Horror has so many directions it can go.  It can take the more popular bloody route that gives the viewer buckets of blood and a metric shit ton of gore.  Horror can also go for the shock and give the viewer some extreme moments.  These type of flicks usually involve crude or vile acts involving bodily fluids, torture, and extremely painful sexual acts.  Finally, you can attempt horror with a sense of child like wonder and mix that with a bit of humor.  This last example of horror is hands down my favorite.  I love when humor and horror collide.  Films like Evil Dead II, Bloodsucker Jones, and many others are able to combine the two and create something that will be watched for years to come.  Recently I saw another horror site post some news for an upcoming horror comedy called Chastity Bites.  The film looked like a damn good time so I reached out for a screener and was lucky enough to get a link to an online screener.
     The film follows a group of popular high school girls.  Their parents, who are even more snotty than them, meet a European abstinence coach named Liz Batho (Griffiths).  Batho's skin looks flawless and this drives the parents crazy wanting to know her secrets.  She promises them that if they can help her put together a chastity club then she will give them her secrets.  The parents agree and they make their daughters join the group.  As all this is taking place a small number of students and teachers have turned up missing.  School reporter Leah (Scagliotti) is hot on the case along with her closeted lesbian friend Katherine (Raisa).  Her journalist know how and hard work bring her to the chastity club and Liz Batho who she discovers is the immortal Elizabeth Bathory.  Before she can worn the world about Liz, her friend Katherine is mesmerized by her and join the chastity club.  Now Leah has to save the stuck up popular girls and Katherine from Liz before she completes a ritual to make herself younger while bathing in their blood.
     I love when horror and humor collides but there is very few scenarios that make it uncomfortable for a horror fan like myself to enjoy.  These scenarios usually involve an all female cast.  I know that sounds weird but when a horror comedy has an all female cast it lacks the dialogue men need to follow the film.  Girls talk about girly things which leaves the male audience wondering why in the fuck they are watching this instead of just sitting down and listening to their significant other tell them about their day.  With that being said, Chastity Bites was able to hold my attention with a mostly female cast.  Why?  Because it wasn't boring female oriented dialogue.  Instead, the film gives us some dialogue to help with the character development and then follows that up with dialogue that builds on the story.  This film was very well written.  The acting in this film was top notch by the entire cast.  Everyone did great in their roles.  Allison Scagliotti did great as a hard hitting journalist that will stop at nothing to get her story and refuses to falter at her beliefs.   Francia Raisa also did great playing the innocent girl next door and supporting friend.  These two characters were casted perfectly.  I also want to take a second and say that it was fucking awesome to see Amy Okuda in this film.  I am a huge fan of The Guild and seeing her in something horror oriented was fantastic.  The story for this one is something old mixed with something new.  The story of Elizabeth Bathory being an immortal is one told before even in more recent times like the 2013 sequel to Fright Night, Fright Night 2: New Blood.  However, none of these stories have combined it with the virgin angle before making this one stand out from the rest.  The story also reminded me a lot of the television show Big Wolf on Campus.  I absolutely loved that show so this film was right up my alley.  Finally, the film has some on screen deaths but they were mostly anti-climatic throat cuts with some even taking place off camera.  The special effects for these kills are decent but it doesn't take much to pull those kind of kills off.  Overall, Chastity Bites is a fun teenage dramedy that features some bloody deaths and a few good laughs.  If you want something new and different to watch then I highly recommend this one! Check it out.