The Kingdom of Var

Director - Nicholas Kleban (The Dweeb, Dana)

Starring - Cynthia Stone (The Haunt, Cult of Nightmares), Madison Graves (Evil Encounters, Fear Thy Neighbor), and Vida Zukauskas (Frankenpimp, Dandruff)

Release Date - 2019

Genre - Horror

Tagline - "Some movies you watch.  Some movies watch you"

Format - Streaming (Online Screener)

Rating (out of 5):

     I absolutely love writing reviews.  There is just something extremely relaxing about watching a movie and then typing out my thoughts about it.  However, sometimes I don't like a movie.  I can't like them all and I refuse to lie in my reviews.  Sometimes I get asked to check out a movie from aspiring filmmakers.  It means a lot to me when a director sends a movie my way for review but the reality is I can't like them all.  A few days back I was contacted to review the 2019 horror film The Kingdom of Var.  This was one I had not heard about so I was excited to check it out.  I just wish I would have liked it.  

     The film follows a college student who finds herself looking into the creepy pasta centered around Var and a movie he made 500 years ago.  Once she watches said movie she finds herself becoming haunted by Var.

   I went into this one with no idea what to expect.  I didn't know what kind of movie this was going to be and after 30 minutes or so into it I still didn't know what kind of movie it was.  I've watched and reviewed hundreds, if not thousands, by this point in my life and this one was among the bottom of the barrel for me.  Should Kleban and company be ashamed of what they done here?  Fuck no!  It's not easy to make a movie especially one with no budget.  They had a dream and did their best to make that dream a reality.  I didn't like it but they should be proud of what they did.    The acting in this one was rough.  The film's lead, Vida Zukauskas, was not really the best choice for the role.  The entire film she had a look on her face like she just didn't want to be there and when the scene called for a specific emotion she acted as if she didn't know what to do.  She really brought the film down.  With that being said, the supporting cast was pretty entertaining.  The supporting characters really spiced the scenes up and bit and helped move the story along.  The story for this one is a bit of a stretch and lacked the much needed humor to make it enjoyable.  Finding a 500 year old movie is extremely goofy and the execution of the story made for a very underwhelming experience.  I've seen so many films but this one was the first movie in years that I struggled to finish.  Finally, the film has some blood but the effects are nonexistent.  The blood is just splattered here and there but those looking for practical effects will be disappointed.  Overall, The Kingdom of Var is a movie that I cannot recommend.  No everyone has the drive and determination to make a movie so I respect what the team did but I can't, in good faith, recommend this one.